Good morning, afternoon, evening or night where ever (and whenever) you might be reading this!  My name is Kyla, I'm new here, and I am just beginning to start transitioning.  I have realized for many years that I was female, but I was strong willed, stubborn, and trained from a young age through corporal punishment that I could ignore what I felt.  Years ago, the cracks in the wall started appearing, and last month it finally fell.

It was a watershed moment.  Since I was 12 I had been punishing my body for betraying me.  After getting caught dressing, my mother cracked a yardstick over my legs, and my father took a belt to me when he got home.  They didn't talk to me for days.  I never dressed again.  I rebelled against the one thing I could - me.  I would play the most violent sports, do the most dangerous activities, ignore eating healthy and just "burning" my way through life.  I realized that in many ways I was committing passive suicide day by day.  In the beginning I was angry that my body was a boy, and so I tried to smash it, but in the process I wound up developing that same boy body, the barrel chest, the muscular arms and legs, and as I got further and further away from the girl inside, I grew more and more desolate in spirit.  The less and less I looked like a girl, the more and more I convinced myself of the impossibility of my ever being me.

I realized last month, that *I* was the one that got myself into that position, and *I* could get myself out of it!  I've begun a training program aimed at producing feminine curves (Rusty Moore's Visual Impact for Women) and I'm using the My Plate feature of LiveStrong to get my body into shape.  I've begun to see a therapist to help me through the transitioning, and have researched all the steps I'll have to face.  I have decided that since this is going to be a multi-year investment in me, I have the time to get into "my girlish figure" and that it's time I stop quietly killing myself and be me!

Rudolph Waldo Emerson said "Insist on yourself, never imitate."  That's exactly what I'm going to do.  The hurdles that I know I'm going to face can't possibly be worse than going back to the denial of me.

I know I sound like a transition cheerleader, naive and set up to get a swift kick, but I know that no matter what happens from this day forward, I'm getting healthy, and I am happier pursuing Me than ignoring Me.

Hi Kyla,

Welcome to our little family. Over 7151 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Janet 

Hi Kyla, it's nice to meet you! Grab some snacks and get settled in. We love meeting new friends! Hugs, Devlyn

Hiya Kyla (love the name)!  Thanks for sharing a little about yourself.  I'm glad you're heading down the road to happiness and allowing yourself to be you!  See ya 'round!

Hi Kyla and welcome!

Please take advantage of our wiki pages and other resources to help with your journey.  It sounds as if you have made a good start.

*grabs some popcorn and plops on a bean bag* Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome!  It means a lot to be embraced!  I apologize in advance for being very mercurial, I'll sometimes post many times a day, and then disappear for days at a time ... it's a very bad habit I am trying to break.

I'll definitely read over those posts!  Lots of good info from the looks of it!

Thank you for the compliment Cryss!  Kyla is Gaelic, and means alternatively "Beautiful" or "Straight of Water" depending on which form you use!  Beautiful is exactly what I feel inside when I think of being free to express myself, and the reference to water expresses my very fluid nature and general mercurial habits!  I didn't really mean to pick it for it's meaning, I heard it once it just felt right, quite the happy surprise when I learned where it came from and what it means!
(source: http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/meaning_of_Kyla.html)

Jamie, I love the avatar!  I'm a sucker for anything that mixes astronomy and myth, and the classical greek statue over the earth and star is gorgeous!  I will certainly tear into the Wiki ... I tend to read all I can on everything ... I'm addicted to words I believe ... so a wiki will be great!

*takes a breath* Whew!  I have to learn to slow down I think!

So .. *sheepish look* I already broke the rules ... I'm just used to providing source confirmation links due to my job ... oops!

Also, I don't know who to point this out to, but in the "Site Terms and Service" post, section 18, line 1 word 13 contains a typo; it should read "an irrevocable license" not "a irrevocable license."  Not a big deal, but it's just the kinda thing I notice.

All good info (in all the links!) thank you for pointing them out!

*hugs*

Quote from: Rising_Angel on June 07, 2012, 11:09:41 AM
Thank you for the compliment Cryss!  Kyla is Gaelic, and means alternatively "Beautiful" or "Straight of Water" depending on which form you use!  Beautiful is exactly what I feel inside when I think of being free to express myself, and the reference to water expresses my very fluid nature and general mercurial habits!  I didn't really mean to pick it for it's meaning, I heard it once it just felt right, quite the happy surprise when I learned where it came from and what it means!

That's really cool!

Quote from: Rising_Angel on June 07, 2012, 11:09:41 AM
*takes a breath* Whew!  I have to learn to slow down I think!

No worries!

Welcome to the site, Kyla. From reading your posts here, it's evident that in a lot of ways you're a girl after my own heart. It's great to have you here and I look forward to reading more of your thoughts. *hugs*

Thank you Sephirah!  I get the same feeling, and it's really nice to have that connection with the community so quickly!  I consider myself very lucky to have met you all!  As an aside, I absolutely LOVE the new avatar!  The imagery is so beautiful and the colors really compliment the image!

I have a weakness for all things wolf as well ... I think they're one of the most gorgeous things in the world.  I once rented a room on a ranch with a family that raised Samoyed's, which are pure white Reindeer herd dogs.  They had a wolf-dog hybrid named Kwewu (Hopi for "Wolf").  It was so amazing!  I fell in love with her the second I met her, she was extremely loving, and not at all what I expected from a wolf, not vicious at all!  She would mother the little Samoyed's and curl up with them when their mother was away.

Quote from: Rising_Angel on June 08, 2012, 09:02:41 AM
As an aside, I absolutely LOVE the new avatar!  The imagery is so beautiful and the colors really compliment the image!

Thank you.

If you ever want one custom made, like Jamie's, just throw me a PM and I'll see what I can do. Although I love the one you're using.