Hello guys,
my current delema is my life, ive turned 21, going to get financing, and tomorow going to the drs to get my t letter. My sole problem is my current boyfreind, who wants me to stay female n have a family as a female.
Im torn between the two, im so close to t and will get kicked out and be homless if I start it. But that doesnt phase me much. I went into the relationship not considering his feelings and thought it wouldnt get serious, simply because I was absolutely emotionally dead at the time.

My bf however drinks is 4 years younger than me, and is at the stage of his life where life is hitting him hard. He cuts to releive stress, last night he found out that I intended to go ahead with t and he did a fair bit of damage to himself. I dont want to hurt him, but staying with him would eventually kill me, I know the answers simple.. But my mind is at war. Help please.

Quote from: vik2ray on June 17, 2012, 07:17:48 PM
Hello guys,
my current dilemma is my life, ive turned 21, going to get financing, and tomorrow going to the drs to get my t letter. My sole problem is my current boyfriend, who wants me to stay female n have a family as a female.
Im torn between the two, im so close to t and will get kicked out and be homeless if I start it. But that doesnt phase me much. I went into the relationship not considering his feelings and thought it wouldnt get serious, simply because I was absolutely emotionally dead at the time.

My bf however drinks, is 4 years younger than me, and is at the stage of his life where life is hitting him hard. He cuts to relieve stress, last night he found out that I intended to go ahead with t and he did a fair bit of damage to himself. I dont want to hurt him, but staying with him would eventually kill me, I know the answers simple.. But my mind is at war. Help please.

You're 21.  He is 17.  And he's drinking!?  And cuts?

Am I missing something?

He needs help for his cutting, and his drinking. Don't enable him because it'll only hurt him.

I would dump the boyfriend and wait till had a stable living space that was not with my parents to begin transition.

Quote from: Erin_Grey on June 17, 2012, 07:43:58 PM
He needs help for his cutting, and his drinking. Don't enable him because it'll only hurt him.

Exactly.

 :police:Well here in australia far as I know 16 is the age of consent. But yeah, I guess I would have to break it off in order for me to tranistion. Sorry im just in a bad way. Cos I got forced to wear a dress and make up last night. sure it was my 21st but regardless of what I said I wanted the parents guilted manipulated and harrassed me into their way regardless of the knowledge that I told them it makes me unhappy. One week till I get an income. And regardless of what happens I will tell my dr tomorow that I want to start t. N once again sorry bout the stupid question. Im in no fit state of mind to think after 2 days of emotional breakdowns and a few long catatonic episodes. Again sorry

This might sound bad but dump him and be your self

That doesn't sound like a healthy situation and I know it's easier said than done but no matter what you choose just remember to be yourself and don't let people force you into anything. Good luck man.

Dump the little scumbag. He sounds like he's using his issues to manipulate you, and that's one of the worst things one can do to another person. Get out of there, find a couch to crash on and go on T. Live YOUR life, not the idiot's fantasy life. If he needs a caretaker, I'm sure a hospital can take him in. You are not obligated to watch out for him and take care of him. His issues are not your fault, they are of his own making. It is abuse to drink and self harm in order to make someone stay with you. Your happiness is not worth giving up for one person.

There are people out there who are loads better. Drop him and do what's best for YOU.

You appear to be in an incredibly difficult situation. But as many have pointed out, you should truly find the strength within yourself to walk away. I don't mean to sound disrespectful and please do not take it as such but since you are asking for advice/help, you should consider seeking help yourself. You're both displaying unhealthy behaviors and together it is likely only going to get worse.

While I agree that the bf's behaviour is most likely manipulative, I don't agree with judging him, calling him a scumbag and insinuating that he's entirely at fault here.  The OP admitted he went into the relationship not considering this person's feelings - whatever the reason, that was a mistake on the OP's part and, I'm sorry, but I see very little here that indicates the bf is anything but young, hurt and in need of help himself.  Vik2ray, at the same time, the others are right - you can't live your life for others and allow them to manipulate you.  I think you need to own your role in this painful situation and rectify it by parting ways with the bf and helping him get help.  Staying together is not fair to either of you.

Thanks for putting things in perspective, I only have one freind in this town who is male and calls me ray, the others treat it as a joke and dont really think I would get rid of my chest or start t. So most of the time im left to sort out problems myself. I really needed the outside perpective. The so called freinds who told me to dump him are the jelous males that want to bash the snot out of him to have me. Im always stuck in these situations, if someone isnt trying to manipulate me with money or suicide threats they are getting people rallied against my desisions and mobbing me to get me to realise they are right. I dont get why I always seem to find the people in my life that will screw me up the most.
But thanks for the outside oppinions they really helped get my head on straight. Every time I come here I smile till my cheeks hurt. Its strange how a forum of people can help in such a deep way. I'm grateful to have you all.

It's likely that if you weren't there, he would still be self harming for other reasons. I believe it's emotionally abusive to threatening self harm. I have been in similar situations. I found that the only way to get myself into a situation where I was happy was by cutting that person off. You have to think of your own happiness above others because you're truly the only person who will be in your life the whole time no matter what.

Quote from: Kreuzfidel on June 17, 2012, 10:37:39 PM
While I agree that the bf's behaviour is most likely manipulative, I don't agree with judging him, calling him a scumbag and insinuating that he's entirely at fault here.  The OP admitted he went into the relationship not considering this person's feelings - whatever the reason, that was a mistake on the OP's part and, I'm sorry, but I see very little here that indicates the bf is anything but young, hurt and in need of help himself.  Vik2ray, at the same time, the others are right - you can't live your life for others and allow them to manipulate you.  I think you need to own your role in this painful situation and rectify it by parting ways with the bf and helping him get help.  Staying together is not fair to either of you.

I agree.

Quote from: Nygeel on June 17, 2012, 10:44:46 PM
It's likely that if you weren't there, he would still be self harming for other reasons.

I agree with this as well. 

 well ive texted him with the famous we need to talk, and his reply was, your not staying with me are you. I simply told him, we will talk after you finish work, dont do anything stupid and we will talk on the phone because this isnt a text conversation. That way I dont act like an ass n dump him by text. I will give him the common courtesy of talking.