I have come upon this site while searching everything I can find regarding male-to-female TS issues. I am 19 and I live in Latvia, and since this country was a part of USSR for many years, people are still afraid to talk about gender and sex problems.

I didn't realise that my will to become a girl was something possible until few years ago I saw a film "Boys don't cry", which is about female-to-male boy. All the time from kinder garden to then I thought that by wanting to be a girl I'm going crazy and I must put it off. I often caught myself thinking that I should have been born as a girl, but now I am doomed and I must suffer the life as it is.




As I remember my life - I have had health problems due to my nerves system since five. During my primary and elementary school my legs, head and stomach ached without any apparent reason. I got sent to all kinds of doctors and they even put false diagnoses, because they had to. Nobody thought it is all based on nerves.

I knew that something was wrong with me, but I didn't know what. I got bullied in school a lot for acting strange and as years passed I became more and more introvert, shy, unsociable and nervy. I realised that I didn't fit among peers, because I had no similar interests with boys, but girls didn't want to be friends with me.

I tried hard to get away from school life and I trained in chess many hours a day from ages five to thirteen. But then some older boys joined the chess school and I was ruined there too. At fourteen I discovered online computer games and they became a strong addiction as I could be Emily there.

Since 9th grade problems due to nerves turned into depressions and I was on antidepressants for two years. Last spring I started doing yoga and it helped so much that I could put off meds and start regaining some self-esteem. While I was doing yoga I got into self-exploration and my GID popped up.

It was a quite shortened version of my past and I am sure some important details passed my mind, but it should give an overview. Living has been hard, but luckily I have never had the courage for suicide. 



Since puberty I have been asking 'who am I?' and I haven't found the answer yet.  Yes, I despise my male body, but am I female enough?  Isn't it just an illusion that living as a female would make me happy? I have read a lot of information about transsexualism, but I am still 2% unsure that I am T-girl. Could my depressions be based on the inner conflict?

There are no gender therapists in Latvia who work with transsexuals. My psychiatrist's advice was to make decision about HRT and go to sexologist demanding hormones. So basically I am left with all my questions alone 


In the end I want to say that Susan's place has been a good resource for information and I have spent many hours there over past weeks. Thanks to the community, I feel less lonely being there 

Good luck to everyone,
Emily

   

Emily your here and we can help you, just talk to us and see how. Thank you for your introduction, im sure you will find the help you need some where, if not you all ways have us.

Depression can deffinetly be caused by your inner colfict, it has with me and many others here on this site.

\Luv Lucy

Emily, welcome to Susan's! 

I'm glad you found this site and it has been of comfort to you. As Lucy said, we're here to help and comfort you as much as we can. You sound strong, I'm sure you will move forward and find the answer to 'Who am I'.

Hugs,

Rhonda

Welcome to Susan's, Emily!

You are certainly not alone.  We can help.  Please take advantage of the whole site, the WIKI and LINKS sections are full of good information and the CHAT room is a nice way to get some real-time conversation with your peers.

Gender therapy can be had via telephone but I would expect that this would be quite expensive for someone in Europe.  But it's an option that I think you may benefit from if you can afford it.  Also, your psychiatrist can perhaps help treat you with assistance from a more experienced gender counselor.  Please don't start hormones without medical supervision, they can very easily kill you if you don't have a doctor to watch out for you.

Until I started hormones and found them to improve my life a great deal I held on to the idea that I may not be transsexual.  Transition isn't done all at once so I've had plenty of time (too much in some ways) to examine myself and my life to see if it really fit me.  And it mostly did.  Once I started hormone therapy the last bit of questioning went away.

I'm happy that you found us, Emily (what a lovely name!), and I hope you'll come back and write us often.  I'm again happy to say,

WELCOME ! !
helen

Hello Emily and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  I'm sure you will find most of the information you are looking for here, so please take a few moments to get familiar with all the forums of the site, review the site rules, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay!

tink

Hi Emily,
Welcome to Susan's. Hopefully here you will be able to explore your gender identity, share your experiences with others, find support and clarity. Where ever you belong on the gender identity continuum you'll find you are not alone anymore, Good luck on your voyage of self-discovery and self-realisation.

Hope, Light, Love & Respect

Maebh

Hi, Emily;

Ours is a harder road...

But knowing that it has been trod by others will help you travel it.

You're with friends here.

Karen

Hi Emily, welcome to Susans this is a wonderful with many good friends just waiting to help.  You are not alone we come here from all over the world once again Welcome and enjoy your stay
Donna

Thanks for all the greetings!

I appreciate your advices and experiences, Helen. I plan to find a doctor at least with good knowledge in gender related problems. Actually, I feel a great relief by finding out that there is a category such as transsexuals. I don't feel like going crazy anymore and I feel less ashamed about my thoughts
I can finally stop thinking about all this 24/7 and focus more on my studies.

I just can't stop reading about your adventures there! Every of your successes stimulates me and gives me more hope

Hello Emily welcome.  Yes depression is something I have been suffering with much of my life due to the overwhelming feelings I've had since childhood. You are not along with this. Lots of good folks that will help you here. Again welcome.


Linda Ann

Love being female

Quote from: Emily Ivy on May 01, 2007, 08:01:57 AM
Thanks for all the greetings!

I appreciate your advices and experiences, Helen. I plan to find a doctor at least with good knowledge in gender related problems. Actually, I feel a great relief by finding out that there is a category such as transsexuals. I don't feel like going crazy anymore and I feel less ashamed about my thoughts
I can finally stop thinking about all this 24/7 and focus more on my studies.

I just can't stop reading about your adventures there! Every of your successes stimulates me and gives me more hope

Glad you're feeling better about yourself. As Karen says the road is not always easy but at least you are not alone anymore. Enjoy the journey. Go n-éirí do bhóthar leat

Hope, Light, Love & Respect.

Maebh

Welcome, Emily.  I hope you find others like you where you live, too.  That could help a lot.

Robyn