I imagine there must be an old thread about this somewhere, but I couldn't find one.

I've noticed that the more masculinly I dress, the more likely I am to have someone tell me how pretty I am - and these are different people, in different settings, sometimes strangers. I was just wondering if that happens to other people. I find it kind of annoying because "pretty" isn't a term I think of as a compliment. In fact until I started hanging with an androgyne male who I can't deny is beautiful, I wouldn't ever have used the term pretty for anything.

One friend told me these comments are probably because I appear more confident, but I think its more like they are trying to reinforce the fact that I am a girl. Especialy since the one lady who told me I was pretty, was chastising her husband the next day for speaking of me as if I was one of the guys when retelling about us going out for a beer.

It happens to me all the time!
When someone tells me I look pretty in farmer's overalls, I take it as a lovely and earnest compliment.

Men are pretty too, but with D-cups I don't think anyone will mistake you as male. A female dressed in 'masculine' attire will frequently gather positive interest and attention. It's an individualist look, expect admiring comments!

-Emerald 

Trip, I think you're right. I think they're reacting to their own discomfort and trying to fit you into a category.

I never got called "pretty" until I was starting to show some clearly masculine features on testosterone, and then I was told I had been "pretty". Give me a goddam break. They're reacting to their own insecurities about someone crossing gender lines imo.

Dennis

Yeah, I still get gendered he [being and male such] at the slightest sign of masculinity. 

I think folks get scared of androgynes because we don't fit their molds so well. ^_^

-- Brede

I have never in my life dressed as a typically female person, at least not since infancy and toddlerhood.  When I was a very little girl, Paul Bernardo, the first Canadian serial killer, was on the loose in the area I was living in at that time.  He was sexually assaulting and killing young girls.  It quickly became typical for mothers to dress their daughters in boys' or very unisex clothing, until such time as he was caught.  At about this time, my mother realised that she could save money on clothing by buying me boys' clothes because my brother, two years younger then me, couldn't wear girls' hand-me-downs (yay gender stereotypes) but it was more acceptable for a girl to wear boys' clothes.

She always made sure I owned one dress for formal occasions, but that was it.

My one feminine feature growing up was my hair.  When I was 8, I got my hair cut very short (mum decided that I was old enough to choose my own hairstyle, so long as I did not cut my hair myself) and I actually passed as a boy with ease.  It interested me, but my biological father was furious at me being called his "son" and threatened me with being removed from my mother's care and never seeing her again as long as I lived if I ever cut my hair again.  As a result, I refused to have my hair cut for a long time.  When I announced at 18 that I was going to shave my head and donate my hair to charity, that was the first time in my life people called me pretty.

I had hair down to the bottom of my butt and people in grocery store line-ups had been petting my hair and telling me my hair was pretty for years.  It was only when I started telling them that I was shaving it all off that they started saying "But you're so pretty! (as opposed to just my hair)  You'll look awful bald!"

When I shaved my head, I was again mistaken for a boy (by this point, I was wearing my brother's hand-me-downs as he had grown larger than me) and people, when hearing my voice, would automatically start apologising for thinking me to be a boy.  They would fall over themselves with apologies and tell me that I'd be pretty if only I hadn't shaved my head.

Every time in my life that I've been told I'm pretty, it has been in the context of "You'd be pretty if only you... (fill in stereotypically female behaviour such as dressing like a girl, wearing make-up or growing out my hair here)."

People who understand my gender situation, however, seem to be more likely to tell me that I'm hot and gorgeous and that I'm actually good looking, without qualification.  I don't know whether they're just being nice, or if their knowledge that they don't HAVE to put me into a gendered role is allowing them to appreciate my looks.

Some hairstylists remarked on how 'nice' my hair is, I think they're scared of saying pretty, lol. ^.^

-- Brede

Quote from: Tay on April 26, 2007, 12:34:31 PM
I had hair down to the bottom of my butt and people in grocery store line-ups had been petting my hair and telling me my hair was pretty for years.  It was only when I started telling them that I was shaving it all off that they started saying "But you're so pretty! (as opposed to just my hair)  You'll look awful bald!"

I got the same reactions, when I cut my hair recently. I didn't shave my head, but I did get it really short for the first time in about 12 years. I got almost two feet cut off and everyone's first reaction to hearing of my intentions was "Why? It's so pretty." Of course from people who didn't have such unruly, thick hair to try to keep clean and brushed(impossible, by the way).

I have yet to be mistaken for a boy, but I'd be a liar if I said that wasn't one of the reasons for it. Not that I mind getting Ma'am'd all the time, but I'd at least like a "sir" every once in a while.

I don't try to lok male - I just dress that way because it is what I like and what I'm comfortable in.

I think my hair looks pretty feminine though I don't do much to it. I[m afraid to have it boyishly short - of course I was once afraid to have it cut to shoulder length (if I hadn't been donating my hair to locks of love, I'd never have gotten that 22 inches cut off)


Aside from on the phone (when I was a teen), and online, I've only once been believed to be a male - and that was only because I said to a classroom of 5th graders, "As you know I am Mr. Jones"  - Mr, Jones was the name of the teacher I was subbing for. I expected them to laugh, but they just stared at me until one little girl piped up, "I thought you was a girl." and a chorus of "me, too's" followed.

Quote from: Nik on April 26, 2007, 05:17:24 PM

Quote from: Tay on April 26, 2007, 12:34:31 PM
I had hair down to the bottom of my butt and people in grocery store line-ups had been petting my hair and telling me my hair was pretty for years.  It was only when I started telling them that I was shaving it all off that they started saying "But you're so pretty! (as opposed to just my hair)  You'll look awful bald!"

I got the same reactions, when I cut my hair recently. I didn't shave my head, but I did get it really short for the first time in about 12 years. I got almost two feet cut off and everyone's first reaction to hearing of my intentions was "Why? It's so pretty." Of course from people who didn't have such unruly, thick hair to try to keep clean and brushed(impossible, by the way)

I've actually found a way to be able to have long AND short hair. I recently shaved the sides and back of my head, and left the top long. Like reverse male-pattern balding.   Up, it's a very boyish cut. But when I let it down, you can't tell that I've shaved my head. People (parents, friends, the boyfriend) were upset that I'd done it, but I don't care. It's perfect for me, and I love it.

I think I agree. I use the term pretty is used to describe a situation where a person has the potential to be a beautiful female.

I've used it to describe men who I think could easily pass as a women. I've also used it to describe women who have those features that are structurally 'beautiful' without the need to even have a personality. You know, they're pretty. Sometimes pretty people are intelligent and attractive. Sometimes they aren't.

I also agree that they are trying to figure you out for themselves.

I was once stared at intently again this time by someone I worked with, and he finally said that I had a pretty face. I thanked him as I felt he was evaluating my facial structure. I waited for the usually following comment which goes something like "you don't wear much makeup" or "you'd look really pretty in a dress". Again, these comments I now nod and smile. Because their true, I would look prettier with these things.

After they watch me smile and agree then they get the bigger picture. I'm not doing this because I lack self esteem, I'm doing this for some other reason. They never ask once they see I'm confident and happy. They wonder for sure, which is fun to watch, but they never have asked yet why I don't play up the pretty.

Its like they just want to make sure you're not lacking in self esteem...or maybe some people see you have pretty assets that you aren't using, and that you could and maybe you don't realize it. But again, you do so they move on.

Remember not everyone has a nice nose or good eyebrows or similar sized eyes. Some people look at another person and see the nose that they would love to have. They get excited, see more elements together like nice eye colour, even facial features, elements in scale and yet you're not 'working it'. So maybe they let you in on it because maybe you don't know? I've pointed out to someone that they have great features and sometimes they flip out because they think I'm saying something I'm not. Its not often you meet pretty people who get that they are pretty and who don't show it off stereotypically. I like those people. I also like people who aren't pretty and who also get that. Like who cares, right? LOL. Its not the person its their genes.

Maybe I should say, "Hey, nice genes."

So I think people are basically trying to sort things out for themselves. But it can be fun to watch, yes?

Chunk

Quotethe more masculinly I dress, the more likely I am to have someone tell me how pretty I am - and these are different people, in different settings, sometimes strangers. I was just wondering if that happens to other people. I find it kind of annoying because "pretty" isn't a term I think of as a complimen

oh yeah, totally.  My mom just did this on sunday after i refused to unbutton the top of my shirt.

Although I have a nice strong female body, I have no women's clothing except for my skivvies. Men's clothing just feels better! My hair is long because if it were short it would require too much maintenance to keep it well groomed, so I opt for a braid. Other people refer to me most often as handsome. This is okay with me. When I was a much younger person I was occasionally called pretty, but it felt odd, like they were referring to someone else I couldn't see. I have been called beautiful many times, more in reference to my character than to my physical body. I feel mostly male with just enough female to make a pleasant mix.

I'm a social porcupine: People tend to look at me like I'm standing too close and poking them with my quills.

Apparently, the more masculine I dress, the longer my quills get.

I'm not masculine-looking enough to fit my masculine attire, so I think people get annoyed that they can't categorize me easily. But I'm not femine enough to be called pretty, ever.

-- Sue