Hello everyone,
My name is Joe, and I am the gay male spouse of an FTM (Ayden, if you have read any of his posts). I know this isn't my part of the site, but I thought it would be worth it to introduce myself and say that I would love to support everyone in any way I can. I'm traversing this path with Ayden, and we're figuring out the day to day. This forum has been a big help to Ayden, and I've finally decided to join. I don't know if anyone would be interested, but I actually come from a theatre background, and know a lot about dressing the part and such, so I would be happy to provide whatever insight I can to up and coming FTMs. Anyway, I appreciate all you've done for Ayden, and I thank you all for providing help I couldn't and being the kind of friend I couldn't be during this transition. Thanks again, and have a great day. Cheers!
Joe

didn't we just meet

Haha, we totally did

Hi honey. 

I'm new to trying to pass intentionally, and have always been a minimalist about clothes and hair etc and that I haven't payed much attention to the subtler presentation differences between men and women. I'd be interested to hear any tips you,or others have to share.the only particular question I have is about my new haircut. Its maybe an inch long on top and I expected m my hair to be completely straight this short but a few bits still are wavy, there is a bit on each temple and a bit just to the right of my part, which is my natural part. I use product and everywhere but these three areas look good, esp the one right in front.i feel like these make me read as a girl.i can't get the one in front to stand up even.its driving me nuts. Any ideas on that, anyone?

Quote from: Ayden on June 19, 2012, 07:00:10 AM
Hi honey. 

Aw.

See also Joe's post on the Introduction board

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,121885.0.html

hello Joe and wellcome,^^
I love theatre even when I never got the chance to try it out, I really want to but the closest I got was to make the theatre make up.

Welcome, glad you've joined us Joe. 

Quote from: dky on June 19, 2012, 08:48:23 AM
I'm new to trying to pass intentionally, and have always been a minimalist about clothes and hair etc and that I haven't payed much attention to the subtler presentation differences between men and women. I'd be interested to hear any tips you,or others have to share.the only particular question I have is about my new haircut. Its maybe an inch long on top and I expected m my hair to be completely straight this short but a few bits still are wavy, there is a bit on each temple and a bit just to the right of my part, which is my natural part. I use product and everywhere but these three areas look good, esp the one right in front.i feel like these make me read as a girl.i can't get the one in front to stand up even.its driving me nuts. Any ideas on that, anyone?

Certainly, I'd be happy to give whatever input I can. As far as how you wear your hair, it depends on a few things, in my experience (especially from theatre experiences). What age you're trying to portray (if you have the face of a young man, just having short hair won't necessarily help) and what people of that age range tend to wear their hair as. If you can track that down for your crowd, try to do something similar, but just different enough to not grab too much attention.

As far as clothes go, non-form fitting clothes are your friend, and non-flashy clothes are a good idea. I recommend non-flashy clothes because you don't necessarily want to stand out (unless you're super confident in your passing ability). But you want to pass enough that you don't get a second look.

I don't know if that's too helpful, but the reverse has worked for me for cross dressing in the past. As long as I didn't try to wear anything too outrageous, I was able to hide in the light, basically. I wish you the best, and have a great night!
Joe

Quote from: Natkat on June 19, 2012, 12:12:15 PM
hello Joe and wellcome,^^
I love theatre even when I never got the chance to try it out, I really want to but the closest I got was to make the theatre make up.

Haha, fun times. I enjoyed my time in the theatre, and sometimes I think I'd like to get back into it (I haven't done a show in about four years, but I've been in some short student-y films). It's all about the enjoyment, though. If you have a performing or showing off bug, you don't need to be in a show to do it, y'know? ^_^ Anywho, thanks for the welcome, and I hope you have a great night. Cheers!
Joe

Hi Joe. Welcome to Susan's! Always good to meet a supportive significant other.

Quote from: Justjoe on June 20, 2012, 07:07:08 AM
Haha, fun times. I enjoyed my time in the theatre, and sometimes I think I'd like to get back into it (I haven't done a show in about four years, but I've been in some short student-y films). It's all about the enjoyment, though. If you have a performing or showing off bug, you don't need to be in a show to do it, y'know? ^_^ Anywho, thanks for the welcome, and I hope you have a great night. Cheers!
Joe

what is a showing of bug?
------
well, I don't know if its anything for me but I would like to try it on,
I had been in a band where we also had a teather group working next too us, I suggested we could put the 2 groups together to make some musical show,
but nobody really seamed interesteed in those kind of stuffs. Generally it was alittle annoying, I felt like I was the only one in the band who wanted something "more" for the scene show,
but most of the other guys just wanted to play and didnt care..

I also tried to get into some line to do teather but insteed I got on some art, which is also Okay..
I still wanna try teacher so I see if I can seach for another place. maybe.
----

Speaking of clothing tips and FTMs...I had an obnoxious moment the other night. Saw an FTM wearing his jeans really low. I don't like that look even on cis guys, but in this case, I'm sure he thought he was deemphasizing his hips/butt. He wasn't. In my eyes, it just made him look more obvious, like he was trying to hide something. So I took a good, long look. His hips weren't all that big, but the droopy-drawers look actually seemed to emphasize them all the more because of where the pants were sitting. I think he should have just worn his pants regular-like. I do, and I have no problems whatsoever.

Of course, the little self-conscious I'm-trying-too-hard swagger was a dead giveaway as well...

So, my obnoxious moment was that I really wanted to yank him aside and snarl, "Dude! Give it up! Pull up your freaking pants and walk normally! You're not fooling anyone!"

Fortunately, I held my tongue. We are all at different places, and not everything that works for me will work for someone else. (But what he was doing definitely wasn't working.)

Welcome, Joe, and what do you think of baggy pants as a strategy to hide an FTM butt?

Quote from: Arch on June 20, 2012, 04:52:34 PM

Welcome, Joe, and what do you think of baggy pants as a strategy to hide an FTM butt?

*reluctantly raises hand* Guilty of slightly sagging my jeans to hide my butt. Nothing extra redonkulous though

One to the far left is typically me, a tad lower sometimes.


Also, welcome Joe!

Quote from: Natkat on June 20, 2012, 02:32:01 PM
what is a showing of bug?

He means if you have like performing or doing things like threatre. Its a term we use in the states to mean that you really enjoy doing something so much, that you find a way.  He definitely has a knack for performing!

Quote from: Arch on June 20, 2012, 04:52:34 PM
Speaking of clothing tips and FTMs...I had an obnoxious moment the other night. Saw an FTM wearing his jeans really low. I don't like that look even on cis guys, but in this case, I'm sure he thought he was deemphasizing his hips/butt. He wasn't. In my eyes, it just made him look more obvious, like he was trying to hide something. So I took a good, long look. His hips weren't all that big, but the droopy-drawers look actually seemed to emphasize them all the more because of where the pants were sitting. I think he should have just worn his pants regular-like. I do, and I have no problems whatsoever.

Of course, the little self-conscious I'm-trying-too-hard swagger was a dead giveaway as well...

So, my obnoxious moment was that I really wanted to yank him aside and snarl, "Dude! Give it up! Pull up your freaking pants and walk normally! You're not fooling anyone!"

Fortunately, I held my tongue. We are all at different places, and not everything that works for me will work for someone else. (But what he was doing definitely wasn't working.)

Welcome, Joe, and what do you think of baggy pants as a strategy to hide an FTM butt?

I want to respond so badly, but I will let him. I personally don't like sagging at all. I don't want to see some dude's butt. That being said, a lot of guys our age here sag, and even though I hate the trend, it would help me pass better.

On a semi-related note, I told my 14 year old brother to pull his pants up or I'd yank them down. He didn't listen, so everyone in the family got a laugh when I stepped on the leg of his pants. It was only with our brothers, dad and grandparents, so it wasn't total public humiliation, just brothers ragging on each other. But hey, I raised that butt head and have eldest sibling rights. He hasn't sagged around me since, and my dad told me he had wanted to do that for ages. He got me back though. He dipped my toothbrush in salt afterwards. Ah, the joys of sibling pranks.

Glad to see people have been posting. Makes me feel all welcome and stuff anywho, in response to the sagging question, I would say that you probably notice it because you're already looking out for it because you're thinking about it and have probably considered it. For me,  people (especially Cis folks) use sagging because it's something that's a low hanging fruit. You can sag effectively (or at least effectively in your mind, which is really what matters most) without making any dramatic or permanent changes to yourself. It's safe. It's not a permanent solution, obviously, but it's a nice place holder. Also, if you just don't like the style, obviously is will seem a little bit repugnant, which will make it even more obvious. Isn't that funny? We notice styles we hate more than styles we like, which can really hurt the passability of many folks. This is why I recommend (and have recommended) finding a style that's common, and then being a little less noticeable than that style. Standing out can be a big enemy of someone trying to pass.

Hope this helps, and happy almost Friday (for me, at least).
Joe

Quote from: Justjoe on June 21, 2012, 08:52:23 AM
Glad to see people have been posting. Makes me feel all welcome and stuff anywho, in response to the sagging question, I would say that you probably notice it because you're already looking out for it because you're thinking about it and have probably considered it.

You must really be a style maven.

I've actually never considered the saggy-jeans look for myself, but I definitely notice it when I see it. But I think I've seen maybe three guys in my lifetime who really pulled it off...I mean, er, made me want to pull their pants off...er, I'll stop while I'm behind...AUGH!!!

I'm not into twinks, but I do notice a nicely wrapped gift.

I wore alot of saggy/baggy cloths when I was younger..
it kinda helped hidding my shape I hated..
and yes I also had woren my pants Very low, since I hated belt,

Now I wear belts pretty much everyday and having my pants sort of high, for a reason I feel my hips seams smaller when I wear my pants alittle higher. just not too much cause it looks silly.

Quote from: Arch on June 21, 2012, 02:17:57 PM
You must really be a style maven.

I've actually never considered the saggy-jeans look for myself, but I definitely notice it when I see it. But I think I've seen maybe three guys in my lifetime who really pulled it off...I mean, er, made me want to pull their pants off...er, I'll stop while I'm behind...AUGH!!!

I'm not into twinks, but I do notice a nicely wrapped gift.

Haha, nicely done. I don't know if I would consider myself a style-type maven, but I do think a bout clothes quite a bit. As far as what passing strategies you take, it's good to go with what you like, right? I actually agree about sagging: I think that sagging is a difficult look to pull off without falling off, but I can see why it may be an opportune choice for folks looking to pass.

Side note, I also appreciate a nicely wrapped package, but who wouldn't? It's like Christmas for grown ups!