I know most trans people have an identity that they didn't choose, but they do choose to act on it and express themselves honestly despite all the obstacles. It's like the difference between when someone's parents just buy them a car vs. when someone gets a job, saves up money, and buys their own car and maybe fixes it up. The latter is more impressive. I wonder if this is at the root of my recent fascination with trans men. It's not that they're more masculine. I'm not usually into hyper-masculine guys anyway. But they're self-made men and that counts for something. Been thinking about it and that, combined with seeing some really impressive and convincing transitions and never having been one to care about what's between a guy's legs even before I discovered the existence of trans-men has probably been a factor in why I'm now subscribed to a lot of trans-men's blogs and vlogs and so on and have some silly crushes. It makes about as much sense as having a crush on a celebrity whom you will likely never even meet.

Does that make me a fetishist? This is something that I have some anxiety about. It seems to be something that a lot of trans-men worry about. I am honestly really attracted to a number of trans guys who I've never met in person, but then I'm also really attracted to a lot of cis guys that I've never met in person. If I were dating a guy who was stealth and he sat me down to come out to me, I wouldn't know what to say. If I acted too readily accepting, would he think I'm a fetishist and get turned off?

I recently met some trans guys in person and found myself really uncomfortable. I wasn't uncomfortable with them being trans, of course. I was terrified that I was going to do or say something offensive, and I think my nervousness betrayed me and could possibly be misinterpreted, probably made them uncomfortable. I don't know how to act or what to say. I asked one guy what pronouns he preferred. I had heard he was trans but seemed pre-T so I didn't know if he was desiring to use them yet. In this case it turned out fine. I don't think he was offended by the question.

It's all complicated by the fact that different people react differently. Just because this guy seemed okay with the question doesn't mean someone else would be. "I said I was trans! Of course I use male pronouns!" or whatever. I guess I'll ask questions here as they come up. I'd rather get blessed out here with lots of distance between us vs. in person with someone. 

I've been a regular here for a while. I feel like I shouldn't still feel this ignorant. I seemed to do better when I was at a trans conference and because it was the subject of the day, it seemed totally appropriate to talk about it. This was my first time meeting new trans folk in a more casual/standard environment (Porcfest actually). I was surprised by how uneasy I was. I thought I was past all that.

I would say no, I view a fetish as a intense sexual desire for the reason of intense sexual desire. You could really like people with blonde hair becasue, but that doesn't really make it a fetish. I think the problem is it's hard to look at desires separate from sex. Personally I think your reason for liking trans guys is pretty honest and quite cute x3 I understand your worry about being seen that way.

*huggles* It's natural to worry and make problems larger than they appear, which I think may be what you are doing. You will be fine as long as you believe in the things you believe in.

The brain is a crazy organ

I think there's a lot to be said for, as you say, being a 'self-made' man or even just for someone who has so obviously gotten in touch with some inner male-ness rather than just accepting what was in the mirror.

It reminds me a little of my similar feelings in the reverse towards women (whether or not that was how things played out...)

It's tough to say, dalebert. Does a gay man have a fetish for men? Certainly not. Does someone with a sexual attraction to amputations have a fetish? Most certainly. I believe the key to your question rests in the primary source of your attraction. Consider this: if medical technology was advanced enough for a woman to become a man down to the molecule, would this affect your attraction? If yes, you might have a trans fetish. But that's not necessarily a bad thing unless it prevents you from appreciating someone on a deeper, more meaningful level.

I wouldn't call it a fetish unless you were attracted to them because they are trans.

Quote from: LordKAT on June 25, 2012, 10:54:25 PM
I wouldn't call it a fetish unless you were attracted to them because they are trans.

To be completely honest, I think it's fair to say that it can be a positive trait in my eyes, possibly for the reasons given. It seems like an experience that can build character, but that depends on the individual. In some people, I can also see it being this bundle of issues that could be overall negative. I think it's way down on the list of things that I would factor into what I'm looking for in a guy but IF I'm attracted to a guy and found out he was trans, then I might view it as a good thing (icing?) in some cases. There are definitely trans guys on YouTube who have made very positive impressions on me with their videos whom I'd love to get to meet in person some day.

Well, if it's just something that turns you on, it's not exactly a fetish.

It seems to me that fetishists are attracted to a trait rather than a person, and from what I've read, this doesn't seem to describe you well.  I personally wouldn't mind if someone were interested in me being ftm, but it would be a problem if that were the only reason they were attracted to me or if it lessened my maleness to them.  We're all different, but I'm guessing most guys would appreciate finding someone supportive and knowledgeable. 

As for the pronoun question, from what I've heard most of us wouldn't be bothered by it.  I'd prefer people to ask than assume.  The unfortunate truth is that everything is going to upset someone somewhere, and there's really no way to avoid that.  It sounds like you're respectful and generally a nice guy, and that's about all you can do.