This problem has been reoccurring and really I feel it's the only problem I've had through my transition so far. I know that I'm a man, but those who have known me for the past 20 years have always known me as a girl. My family knows me as the little sister, the daughter, the granddaughter, etc. It keeps crossing my mind that even after any amount of hormone replacement, gender marker and name changes, or even surgery, I can not brainwash those who have always known me to view me as a man. I don't know if it's normal for people to just start seeing or feeling it later on through my transition as I come out of my shell as a man, or if I will simply never get to have those who are closest to me seeing me for what I am, and not just seeing me as something "I'm choosing to become" or something to that effect. I also however, don't want people viewing me as a "transman", I'm not a lesbian girl that had a sex change, I'm not a ->-bleeped-<- (or however the 'normal' world likes to view this community), I'm not a lot of things that transgendered people are labeled as. I don't want people to look at me and think "there's my daughter" or "there's that girl I met in high school". It makes me feel as though I'm just telling the world a lie and they either A. Know it's a lie and go along with it so I don't feel bad, or B. Believe it, and I'm the one being dishonest. So far I just haven't been able to get to a point where I feel like a man, because none of the people that matter most are viewing me as what they call me. I don't know how to move past that slump, it's really starting to eat at me.

Does anyone else have this nagging thought, or know how to settle it? Or maybe even know a way to get people to understand. I'm so tired of people assuming that because I was born with the body of the absolute wrong gender, that I'm a girl. I'm not, never have been, and I'm even more tired of feeling like I have no gender at all, I'm not one of the girls because I absolutely don't want to be, and I'm not one of the guys because none of them see me as one unless they've never known me before. But I don't want to have to lose the family and friends I have now to feel comfortable.

GAH.
Thanks for any input.

The best advice I can give right now is to talk with your family about the way you feel. Maybe get their perspective on it as well.
I know after having a long, and somewhat difficult, heart to heart with my mom, she's begun to see me as I really am. I only just got back in contact with my dad after a year of not talking after I first came out to him. While he's still in the beginning stages of acceptance, I feel like I can understand and be patient with him after having a long, hard talk about how I've felt. One that wasn't just a one way conversation, and after seeing how long it took for my mom to cope, but how much she understands now. One day she told me I needed to go take a nap and I forgot to take off my binder beforehand. When I asked her why she didn't remember, she told me that she honestly had completely forgot that I wore one, she's just gotten so used to seeing me as male.
I think the time away from my parents for a while helped as well. While I still get misgendered every now and then, everyone I'm around at my university knows and accepts me as male, whether they know I'm trans or not. It was a much needed break from my family, without cutting them off entirely.
But it's a two way psychological process. They need to come to see you as you are and understand that them still seeing you as female is painful to you, but you also need to come to understand how and why they view you the way they do and how hard the transition is for them as well.
Also, I think being with a group that knows and understands helps as well. For me, it's my girlfriend, my university GSA, and my trans friends. But having people you can hang out with and not feel like your being judged helps a lot.

Just remember that all of these people in your life are taking this journey with you, Jarrah. I can understand your discomfort with these thoughts that feel as though they will always be around - for some people they last longer than they do with others. It can be a slow and sometimes emotionally very painful process, but as you adjust, so do those around you.

I don't think it's so much a matter of them being 'brainwashed' to know that you are female to them. Similar to what I said before, it is just a matter of adjusting for most people. I guess you can't make everyone in your life understand and there will always be some people who make a slip-up with the incorrect pronouns, or people who will not be able to see you as anything but how they've seen you before you have transitioned. But the biggest battle (and the most rewarding) is learning that, at the end of the day, it is really how you feel about yourself, how you perceive yourself - and you are male. That is how you feel and identify. That is all you can be, and you are doing your best to feel comfortable in your skin.

I think most people go through this stage of thinking. I certainly did. But you will work through it at your own pace, bud. Things will look up and get easier - you will notice adjustments that those around you make. Someone made an interesting comment after knowing me for a while and seeing me transition - "Yeah, I think you're actually serious about all this stuff, huh?" - and I was just left thinking, "Wow, it really took you THIS long to realize that?" We may know in our hearts where our identity lies in terms of a gender 'label' or orientation, but for some people it is a much slower process to recognize us in our desired way.

I feel like I've rambled! Really though, man - keep your chin up.