Oh no!  that is definitely a big no-no on my book.  Sharing a room with a perfect stranger, especially if that stranger is a guy.  No way!

Hmmmmmm.....coming out is not the solution IMO either, for I would imagine that it takes careful planning before announcing to your co-workers that you are a woman.  I concur 100% with Cindi's suggestion, pay for your own room; you can always invent a zillion reasons for it.

Wishing everything goes well.

tink

Quote from: Tink on April 27, 2007, 10:51:15 PM
Oh no!  that is definitely a big no-no on my book.  Sharing a room with a perfect stranger, especially if that stranger is a guy.  No way!

Hmmmmmm.....coming out is not the solution IMO either, for I would imagine that it takes careful planning before announcing to your co-workers that you are a woman.  I concur 100% with Cindi's suggestion, pay for your own room; you can always invent a zillion reasons for it.

Wishing everything goes well.

tink

I didn't mean to suggest that coming out would be an immediate option. However, at some point, it beats the hell out of continuing to deal with situations like this.

And, again, I wouldn't offer any excuses. 1) No one has a right to know 2) Any excuse would be a lie and "what a tangled web we weave" applies.

Quote from: Melissa on April 27, 2007, 04:04:49 PM

Quote from: Kassandra on April 27, 2007, 03:58:15 PM
I've got to slip that girl some valium...

As you know, I'm going to be busy at the theatre all weekend but after that I'm done.

Starting Monday, non-stop Tai-Chi from the time I get home until bedtime.  Both of us.  If that doesn't work I'll shoot you with a tranquilizer dart.

Julie, it'll be fine!  I've been on a dozen or more business trips.  Most double occupancy.  Every single time each of us took our suitcases into the bath and changed/cleaned up for bed.  In the morning, we took our clothes and supplies (toothpast, shaving stuff, etc) into the bath and got ready for the morning.

BTW: I had at least two trips where I forgot to put guy underwear on before I left and had to be sure the panties were well hidden in the suitcase before I came out of the bathroom.  Yeah it was a little nerve wracking but no big deal.

Also you might want to also get a mens bag for your shaver, soap and whatnot.

And also the idea of getting a big terry cloth robe is a good one.

CHILL! GIRL!

-Sandy

Julie, it sounds like you've got a great resource living with you.

I have to disagree respectfully. This sounds insane to me, but that's just me. I would find a way to live as my true self pronto. I went through absolute hell in the begining but I found a way to get through it and successfully transition. If I could give advice though, I would recommend that most people my age NOT transition unless one finds the alternative completely untenable.One needs to be willing to risk everything to get it done. If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.


BTW I'd be real careful with the valium!

Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If I could give advice though, I would recommend that most people my age NOT transition unless one finds the alternative completely untenable.One needs to be willing to risk everything to get it done. If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.

Live as a man and make the best of it?  Ew!!!!!!

Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.

Well, yeah, it makes sense. Does it work, though? By far the most information floating around seems to indicate that the alternatives are either transition or serious problems. Is it possible to be ts -- in the sense of having a stable gender identity at odds with the physical sex -- but still be a mild enough case that this kind of an approach would be viable?

  Nfr

Quote from: Lisbeth on May 03, 2007, 12:10:44 PM

Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If I could give advice though, I would recommend that most people my age NOT transition unless one finds the alternative completely untenable.One needs to be willing to risk everything to get it done. If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.

Live as a man and make the best of it?  Ew!!!!!!

The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.

As options are more available than they were when I was young, I am guessing that soon, most people who are going to transition will do so when they ae young.

I know a lot of FTM's who are late transitioners, mainly because FTM transition pretty much didn't exist until recently. I met a guy who had transitioned like ten years ago and he was telling me how he was consider a "pioneer."

Anyway, if an MTF makes it to 50 without killing herself, she can probably at least eke out a reasonable life. We must remember that transwomen born before 1940-1950 had no realistic option to transition until later in live if at all.

Quote from: Seshatneferw on May 03, 2007, 02:06:08 PM

Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.

Well, yeah, it makes sense. Does it work, though? By far the most information floating around seems to indicate that the alternatives are either transition or serious problems. Is it possible to be ts -- in the sense of having a stable gender identity at odds with the physical sex -- but still be a mild enough case that this kind of an approach would be viable?

  Nfr

In our culture, TSs born before the mid-twentieth century had no option to transition. People overcome all kinds of difficulty and survive.

Quote from: Julie Marie on April 26, 2007, 02:53:34 PM


Later our boss walks in and asks if we heard about the trip.  We tell him how we heard.  Then he says, "I think it would be best if the three of you went.  I figure leave Wednesday night and come back Thursday night."

Julie

Sharing a room in corporate travel is unusual, particularly if this is a government contract.

I would just assume the company is going to pay for 3 separate rooms.  Put it on your expense report.  Don't forget receipts.

Or maybe he meant you should redeye in to Dulles and go straight to the meeting from the airport.

Robyn

When I received my itinerary for the trip I kind of freaked out.  It had me and one of the other guys sharing a room with ONE KING SIZED BED!  My mind raced as I was trying to figure out what I was going to do.  The other guy is pretty macho and I was totally uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a room with him.  Then I jokingly said to him that even though I like him, I'm not sleeping with him.  And I showed him the itinerary.  He said that was a mistake.  His itinerary had only his name for his room while mine had both of our names.  I checked and found out his name was on my room in error.  WHEW!!!!

The trip was fine although a bit stressful.  We got into DC late afternoon and had a marathon from that time until the flight left late the next evening.  It seemed I was away for a week!  I would have posted this sooner but I've been working a lot of hours.  Today is my first day off since 4/22.  And I think this is going to become the norm.  The good thing is I won't have to worry about having a job for some time, maybe never.

Thanks all for the advice but the truth is if I did have to share a room I would have sucked it up, taken off my toenail polish, packed some drab nightwear and hoped for the best.  I have to work closely with these guys for some time and I wouldn't want any uncomfortable feelings floating around.  That's just me.

As for the Valium Sandy gave me, the bottle is gone and now I have to find a reputable drug dealer to get my next fix as I'm now addicted. 

Julie

Quote from: melissa90299 on May 04, 2007, 09:29:16 PM
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.

Oh, I bet there are at least a few somewhere in the world.  I think Steph went pretty fast, but then again, you had some extra surgeries.  It's very subjective.   Anyway congrats on getting as far as you did. 

The way I see it, if somebody has lived for 50 years or so in misery, why shouldn't they be able to get at least some relief before their time comes.  As far as devoting everything to your goal, I think that really applies to anybody, even me.

Quote from: Melissa on May 07, 2007, 04:20:03 PM

Quote from: melissa90299 on May 04, 2007, 09:29:16 PM
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.

Oh, I bet there are at least a few somewhere in the world.  I think Steph went pretty fast, but then again, you had some extra surgeries.  It's very subjective.   Anyway congrats on getting as far as you did. 

The way I see it, if somebody has lived for 50 years or so in misery, why shouldn't they be able to get at least some relief before their time comes.  As far as devoting everything to your goal, I think that really applies to anybody, even me.

Perhaps, I am being boastful, but you really don't know my whole story, (nor do I know Steph's) but I don't know many people who left everything behind in early transition, picked up and moved to a new city, 3300 miles away, got a job the first day, got a better job three months later, made enough money (commissions) in a job which requires maintaining a nice appearance to afford FFS, got the FFS done,
maintaining a pleasing appearance, all this while fighting alcoholism and drug addiction and having no support system, getting sober, arranging financing for my SRS and BA, and by the grace of God, getting that done within three years of going full-time.

All of this with no help from anyone. I should be lucky just to have a roof over my head, instead, I will have accomplished all that I set out to do when I made my decision that transition was, indeed, even possible.

It has been a pretty amazing ride, but it's only a beginning as I begin my post-op life while building a new life of sobriety, which, alone, is a monumental task.

BTW my drug counselor was very supportive in getting my SRS done ASAP. She thinks it will only be beneficial to my recovery.

Except for the fact of being determined, I don't give myself a whole lot of credit for my progress. I would credit luck more than anything else. OTOH as I find my spirituality in recovery, perhaps it has something to do with being guided by my higher power.

If someone had told me two and a half years ago when everything seemed hopeless (as i couldn't even get a decent job as my true self in Florida),that I would be sober and completely accepted into the inner sanctum of women, and thriving, I would have thought he or she was nuts. Heck, back then, just using the ladies restroom or getting a ma'am here or there was a big deal.

Anyway, that's only a part of the story, there is a whole lot of other stuff that went down that time doesn't permit me to relay.

That is indeed impressive.  Congratulations and good job.  You sound like you've been having the same kind of luck I have been too. 

Julie, I hope you're not planning to leave going "full time" until you retire ! You don't look anyway that old !

I just can't imagine how stressful and unsatisfactory leading a double life must be !

You really ought to be looking to make plans "come out" ... surely you have some idea how the company and colleagues would take it ?

For now just say you prefer privacy and sleeping alone, pay the extra cost if need be.  No big issue.

Any company I've worked for, or client companies, always gave us our own double rooms. Sharing is just unheard of !

And athough I can think of guys who it would have been really nice to share with , unfortunately even if times "got hard" I can only dream now    !

Laura

___________________________________________________________________________


OOps !!!!!

Seem to have missed the whole second page of replies  !!!!!

Quote from: Melissa on May 07, 2007, 04:20:03 PM

Quote from: melissa90299 on May 04, 2007, 09:29:16 PM
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.

Oh, I bet there are at least a few somewhere in the world.  I think Steph went pretty fast, but then again, you had some extra surgeries.  It's very subjective.   Anyway congrats on getting as far as you did. 

The way I see it, if somebody has lived for 50 years or so in misery, why shouldn't they be able to get at least some relief before their time comes.  As far as devoting everything to your goal, I think that really applies to anybody, even me.

Well put Melissa, why should we at 45 - 55 "accept our lot" and the misery that comes from it if there is even a glimmer of hope in making success of transition. 

Of course if it means messy divorce, rejection, unemployment, then yes its more difficult to start again in middle age, and maybe pro's and con's need to be balanced.

From starting to self med in Sept 2004, making my decision to do the one thing I had desperately wanted since being a child (transitioning was New Year Resolution 2005), coming out Jan / Feb 2005, beginning RLE in March 2005, SRS in August 2006, its been like a dream.

No rejection, full acceptance by everyone I know, and never ever a single problem among society and strangers ... I seem to pass more than OK in every situation.

Its knocked a decade off the way I feel and look too.

I think if any TS woman of any age has a chance to accomplish likewise its a route they have to take ... the alternative is just too horrible for me to contemplate now ....

Laura