Good Afternoon

I'm not sure where to begin so I'll just dive right in. I'm physically male, happily married, and work for Starbucks as a supervisor. The catch, I'm not comfortable with my gender, or my gender role in society. I've had inklings about the problem for a long time, but it wasn't until I had the pleasure of working with a transgender woman that I realized exactly how I felt. So now I'm just trying to piece together all my memories that I've shoved aside and make sense of it. So far as I can tell, I really think I should've been born a woman. But for the last 27 years, barring childhood incidents, I've tried to make the best of it and live male.

I really think it's starting to come to a head though. I've had these feelings for so long, and I keep pushing them aside. I keep telling myself, it'll pass. I try to be manly and do manly things, but in the end, I just want to be myself and really... I want the outside to match what I feel on the inside. I'm terrified, so truly terrified of telling my wife. She means the world to me. But I finally got the courage to join this site, because I've got to talk to someone or it'll just explode some day. 

So coming here, I hope I can draw on the collective wisdom of the members and courage to hopefully tell all the people I love.

-Cris

Welcome aboard!

Can you give us some gift cards? LOL!

Welcome to the site, hon.

You already took a big step in working up the courage to join, you should be proud of yourself. And it shows the strength you have inside you. Just take things one step at a time and remember you now have the support of a whole load of new friends to draw on. Feel free to post any concerns you have, if there's anything specific you need advice with, or even if you just need a place to let stuff out once in a while. We have a vast array of information and experience here, so relax and make yourself at home.

*big hug*

Hi Cris,

Welcome to our little family. Over 7452  strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

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Janet 

<blows whistle> Ten yard penalty for even suggesting overcaffeination is possible! And five yards for delay of game! Hi Cris, I'm from Boston, see you around the site. Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Cris, and welcome from southern California.

A good way to begin that conversation with your wife is to say, when the time arises, "I haven't felt "right" for a long time.  I think I am going to go see a counselor."

Put it in terms that she will understand, and assure her that you are still you.

Hi and welcome.  You have a big family here and there is lots of info available.  Now that you have made the most important disclosure, to yourself, it will get a bit easier each time.  A therapist who is experienced in Gender issues is a good first step.  There are many stops along the way and no one correct path.  The only rule is to do what is right for you.

Karen.

Hi,

Each step we take can be difficult but as you are seeing there is stopping the feelings that 'something' is not right. Once you accept that there is no going back. I lived with my wife as the woman in waiting, I was dressed as female whenever I could and she accepted that part of me. The story is too long but she is now in a nursing home so I am/have/ going through the process of transitioning. I'm out FT and on HRT and contemplating corrective surgery.

To be totally honest. Once I made the decision and accepted me the journey has been very easy.  I'm very happy, to a point that I never realised how unhappy I was.  People at work have been terrific, no one has been negative.

Talking to your wife will be the hard step, but she has to know. Combined therapy may well help and we do have a significant others board here that she might want to join and talk to others in her position.

Hugs
Cindy

Cris,

If you can step away from this right now and forget it, I encourage you to do so. Seriously.

If your feelings are driving you forward and you can't fight back, then this is a very good support site. I too was married and went through transition many years ago. My life is good. I'm glad that I did it. But it was a very painful journey at the time. It is so important to get some professional advice as soon as you can. You don't want to throw your family and job away on a whim.

Meet with a counselor. Set some goals and objectives. Make sure that some of them are simple and don't interfere with your current life. You'll be making a big step off the curb when you come out.

My best to you. And here.... HUGS!

Cindi

Thanks so much for the welcoming and the advice. I appreciate the input, and counseling is something that I've been wanting to look into. My work offers free psychiatric counseling, a limited number of sessions, but free. I'm thinking of using it as a starting point. I understand that I'd need someone specific for gender counseling, but they should be able to give me a recommendation right? or a referral to another office.

Also, when you drink upwards of 15 or more shots of espresso a day, over-caffination is in sight XD

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on July 06, 2012, 06:13:45 PM

No such thing as too much caffeine.

I love that picture.  One of our cats looks like that when somebody leaves a glass of soda sitting around for her to get into.

Hi Cris,

Another big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. Well, fortunately all the necessary timely advice has been given. So my job is to offer you a seat and take your order, coffee no doubt. How do you have it?

In all seriousness, you have come to the right place. And to a degree it's alright not to tell your wife immediately, until you've had your first therapy session. One you have the confidence in knowing where you are going, you'll be in a position to bring everyone else into your dilemma.

But as Sephirah said, you've already made the biggest step in acknowledging your own feelings. So be very proud of yourself. Look forward to hearing more about you in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine