Do you have or did you have a very close friend who helped you through your transition? Are you still close?

I lost all my friends and I gained new ones. None of my friendships lasted. I like my new friends much, much better!

Hi,

I have many friends going back 54 years,  6 were really neat very close we did things together went places, i was 13 at the time  though i got to know 4 a bit earlyer.
 
One has since passed away ,  yet  the others just accepted me just the same  yes percived as a boy though not totaly , so when they knew i was / am a female though id not seen them in many years they had no concerns we just carred on as though nothing had changed apart from age, & moveing around N Z,   i was blessed with haveing these friends as real ....friends.....so that for a kid was so neat,

Though my life has in many aspects   changed they are still pleased to see me when i meet up with them,

Over the last 19 years as i grew as a woman i did met many people & yes are good friends. It was 6 years ago that i gained many more, & yes many of them i can talk about any thing  most of cause are women so this i belive is what has been important for myself as a person & then as a woman to be a part with & of them as more than just friends ,

it takes time you allso have to give of your self so it works both ways you wont / need frriends then you have to be one , trust is allso a big part of keeping friends, as well,

Id say iv not lost any i knew as friends iv just gained so many,

Yes i had people help me not as in transitsion as such , they still helped me in other aspects of my life & helped in my growing as a woman.    thier attitude was neat to wards me & thier help was really more than i could have asked for. many just went out of thier way to help.

Oh my best friend of cause was / has been my S O of 35 years together & still close friends of over 37 years knowing careing for each other as two women , friends who are as youd expect close, you can live apart yet still be close, we are & thats Jos & i , a lot of history between us . & family,

...noeleena...

Quote from: Cindi Jones on July 07, 2012, 11:00:26 PM
Do you have or did you have a very close friend who helped you through your transition? Are you still close?

I lost all my friends and I gained new ones. None of my friendships lasted. I like my new friends much, much better!

Yes definitely. I still have all my original friends plus some new ones so I am very lucky in that regard.

   I have moved around too much so I can't say I have any real friends.  There are aquantinances that have not stayed in touch.  I was/am always the wallflower that no one notices.  At work I have work friends and non friends.   I do have many new friends through my transgender groups.  But if they move on, out of the circle, and don't stay in touch does that make them just an aquatinenances.  Something to ponder.

Quote from: Diane Elizabeth on July 08, 2012, 07:55:07 AM
   I have moved around too much so I can't say I have any real friends.  There are aquantinances that have not stayed in touch.  I was/am always the wallflower that no one notices.  At work I have work friends and non friends.   I do have many new friends through my transgender groups.  But if they move on, out of the circle, and don't stay in touch does that make them just an aquatinenances.  Something to ponder.

Diane, I struggle with this a lot. I have a lot of acquaintances, but not a lot of friends because I'm not good at reaching out and taking the next step. Gender makes it ten times harder. I'm male-bodied but I'm much more comfortable relating to females, so reaching out is even more awkward.

Been a bit better lately. I've actually reached out a little bit more, telling myself I can live with a little bit of awkwardness. Not been very successful, but  it gives me something to be optimistic about.

Good luck. I hope things move in the direction you wat.

I have a lot of people that I used to think they were my close friends until I learned that they never really liked me and/or they stabbed me in the back.

15 plus years ago, my ex and I met a couple here in the very park I now live in.  They were there through the hard years between my ex and I.  He is dead now, but she is still a close friend and live next door.  She has remains my friend through my transition.

I only lost a few friends through transition, but since transition I have lost all but a very few that were very special to me in the first place. I think there are two types of friends. The transient and the permanent. The transient ones I would have lost anyway. It had little to do with my transition and more to do with lives just going in different direction. I have one friends that I don't think I will ever lose.

I had three female friends that were especially important to me during transition. They were pretty good friends before I came out, but when I did I immediately a equal member of their clique. All of a sudden I had complete access to the world that their male friends weren't privy to, and it all happened in such a casual and natural way. It was great and it helped me immensely. Unfortunately our lives went in all different directions and I haven't seen either of them for 3 or 4 years.

Throughout HS and University I had many good friends, the ones who got closer (@ 2 dozen) did sort of know that Peky was sort of eccentric; you now, for being such a jock, racing dirt bikes, winning martial arts competitions, track and field, etc; Peky tight-jeans, girlie shoes, perfume, earrings, etc did not go unnoticed. Well, a couple of my female friends did know that Peky was really a girl! Regretfully I lost touch of them when I come to the States.

In America, life got complicated, made many acquaintances but no friends: career, marriage, and young kids they all eat all my free time. I guess for the last 20 years it is but a handful of coworkers that sort had become my friends. Yet, outside work I do not see them.

It is very painful for me to accept that my ex-wife was not my friend at all, despite the fact that at some point she did love me.

I have a close relationship with my kids, and I do share some of my feelings with them, but they cannot be my friends, they are what they are, my children.

Sometimes I feel lonely and sad, but never alone, there is always me, my best friend forever .

Still, I keep wishing the good Lord G-d, blessed be his name, will send me a "Danish cookie" one of this days. I long to love and be loved, I long for a kindred spirit, a friend and companion to walk in the sunset...

I was never the one with lots of friends but had plenty of acquaintances, the ones I had before and when I first started my transition I still keep in touch with some, while some became snobs for there own reasons, then by accident I just drifted away from everyone forming new friendships that just treat me as one of the girls, I have some new acquaintances but they will always come and go, I've never sought out friendships if they happen it a bonus other wise I'm content to do my own thing whatever that happens to be as I move a long life's path,
"its easy to make quick assumptions about people but if you don't get to know then you know nothing at all, a good friend will except you for who you are regardless of what others think and if they don't there not your real friend" 


 

I can count the number of "friends" - my definition being people I enjoy being around and who reciprocate the sentiment - on one hand.  Five good friends, one who I've already come out to, but the issue's never really been pressed yet, since I don't openly dress in public.  I did get caught around our mutual friends a couple weekends ago with some bits of nail polish on my fingernails that I didn't wipe off completely, I had to lie and say my niece wanted to test out some of her polish on me.  But he knew, and he was cool with it - in fact, we laughed about it later that night online.  It gives me a lot of hope for the other four friends, especially since a couple months ago, we had a discussion about how Obama's support of marriage equality should essentially be no big deal because it's 2012 and we should be past this discussion when other countries have been doing it.  I otherwise have plenty of acquaintances and friends-of-friends who I am talk to on occasion, but by and large, I'm not concerned with what they'll think when I come out or see me dressed up.

I am, however, totally lucky to have far more friends online, many of whom come from very liberal and open-minded backgrounds.  Every single one of them have congratulated me, wished me luck, and said they were proud and happy that I finally could make sense of myself.  So, all in all, I've surrounded myself with very supporting people on the Internet, and that's great.

But "close friend"?  Right now that distinction would have to go to my sister, who has been supportive and loving, and has agreed to go with me for a few weekends when I go out presenting as female.

I learned a lot about people when I came out. Sometimes my predictions of how they would react were totally backwards. Some that I thought would have a huge problem with it turned out to be really cool about it.

One macho guy who had a lot against gay people was totally weird-ed out buy it. He sort of accepted it because he had a lot of respect for me as a person from before but kept telling me how weird he thought it was when ever I would run into him at a party or something. I got tired of hearing it and said "Fine, yes it's weird. Now get over it!". A few years back I met him again and had a pretty good conversation with him. He told me that because of me he had had to re-examine his view on gay and trans people and realized how wrong and stupid it had been of him to have been a homophobic jerk all his life. He thanked me for having made him a better person.

One of my closest friends who I thought of as an extremely open-minded guy turned out to have a huge problem with it. It was just so incredibly strange because just a few years earlier he had pridefully gone around proclaiming to be bi himself. We had a huge falling out. I could never figure what the problem was and by the time he decided to "forgive" me he managed to end his life in a very tragic manner.