We all do things to hide our true selves.

So what did you do to hide.

I had a full beard and a shaved head.

I always had sort of short hair and wore jeans and tshirts (gender neutral?) for the most part, later in my career my customers were extremely wealthy men (think Bill Gates etc) so I had to dress a bit more appropriate.

other than being tall, thin and blond I didn't really stand out which I always liked, I could just disappear in a crowd   "a girl hiding inside a man hiding in a crowd"

I didn't. I (am) growing up in a time and place where such things don't need to be hidden. I suppose that's why I never understood having to "hide" anything.

I avoided having friends, kept to myself and that helped me not to get noticed much, especially in high school. then in my twenties, I worked a traditionally male job and a lot of the older guys would make jokes about me being a bit feminine. So then in my late twenties, I grew a full beard, but that only me feel worse about myself.

Oh, you know, at age 17 I joined the US Army... maybe I thought it would "make a man out of me."  I didn't fool anyone.  The other recruits recognized my girly nature in an instant; they ate me alive.  Seriously, I only barely made it out of the service with my life.  I was outed as a transsexual by an army psychiatrist, and as a result my commanding officer organized a group coordinated attempt to murder me (I was warned by a single kind soul 24 hours before my arranged "accident".  He saved my life!)  I am extremely lucky to be alive today!

After that, I realized that I was never going to be able to hide my feminine nature, and so I just stopped trying.  I made peace with the woman within and never looked back.  Honestly, in spite of being mis-gendered at birth, I never, ever passed very well as a boy.  Hiding who I am nearly cost me my life.

I wore feminine clothes, had long hair, and wore makeup. I shed them pretty much all at once which was rather nice.

Nice one Ms. O,

Having a slim teen figure (still got it at 70 years) I was afraid I would exude an effeminate way, so I never wore jewelry right down to no rings. I had a foo Manchu mustache and side burn for a long time from 30 to 60 years old & at one point for a few years a full beard. Eleven years ago when I began to unravel the real femme me, all of that changed, no more body hair. And bring on the bling!

Jamie

None of the above, why would you need to do any of those things? I did nothing remotely masculine even while 100% in the closet.

I never really dressed feminine or anything average for me was jeans and a band t-shirt and usually no bra cause i hated them, but to try to hide who I was i tried to date men despite my lack of attraction to them but that was only for a short period of time back in high school.

Quote from: pretty on July 08, 2012, 02:48:09 PM
None of the above, why would you need to do any of those things? I did nothing remotely masculine even while 100% in the closet.

Why?  Cultural insanity.   

Quote from: Miharu Barbie on July 08, 2012, 12:49:51 PM
Oh, you know, at age 17 I joined the US Army... maybe I thought it would "make a man out of me."  I didn't fool anyone.  The other recruits recognized my girly nature in an instant; they ate me alive.  Seriously, I only barely made it out of the service with my life.  I was outed as a transsexual by an army psychiatrist, and as a result my commanding officer organized a group coordinated attempt to murder me (I was warned by a single kind soul 24 hours before my arranged "accident".  He saved my life!)  I am extremely lucky to be alive today!

After that, I realized that I was never going to be able to hide my feminine nature, and so I just stopped trying.  I made peace with the woman within and never looked back.  Honestly, in spite of being mis-gendered at birth, I never, ever passed very well as a boy.  Hiding who I am nearly cost me my life.

quite the movie script could be written for you! omg!!!

also for me growing up and even now the guys (with a good natured ribbing) would call me Michelle, that teasing never ever bothered me at all, I would just smile with a "the jokes on you guys" look in my eyes...yep, hiding in plain sight, lol

Quote from: Miharu Barbie on July 08, 2012, 02:53:54 PM
Why?  Cultural insanity.   

The only thing I noticed any pressure ever on that list over was my long hair, people always told me to cut it, but other than that... nobody even pressures men about those things. It sounds kind of paranoid? I mean it's normal for men to shave and stuff.

Quote from: pretty on July 08, 2012, 02:57:21 PM
The only thing I noticed any pressure ever on that list over was my long hair, people always told me to cut it, but other than that... nobody even pressures men about those things. It sounds kind of paranoid? I mean it's normal for men to shave and stuff.

My thoughts exactly. Who are these magical gender police who patrol society daily beating up people who don't conform?

Granted, I toyed with the idea of joining the navy but only because of all the cuteboys

Quote from: pretty on July 08, 2012, 02:57:21 PM
It sounds kind of paranoid?

Yup.  I am paranoid.  And insecure, sensitive, and emotionally fragile.  It was worst in high school, but I'm still scared to really be myself, and trying to overcome or work around that.

When I had a beard, I didn't think of it as hiding.  I thought of it as giving up.  I figured I'm not going to like my body anyway, so why bother?  But when I shaved it I was irrationally worried that the sudden change might give people a clue that I'm not really a man, so I guess I was hiding.

As an androgyne, the magical gender police are still going to be after me even if I pass perfectly....  in fact, they'll be after me especially if I pass perfectly.  But over the years I've become less worried about that, and now I'm mostly worried about the expectations of my family and old friends.

Quote from: Adam1 on July 08, 2012, 03:06:33 PM
My thoughts exactly. Who are these magical gender police who patrol society daily beating up people who don't conform?

Granted, I toyed with the idea of joining the navy but only because of all the cuteboys

There's actually quite a few of them...only a small fraction of the population, but like the saying goes, "A running man counts his enemies twice."

Think far-right conservatives, church goers (not all of them, and certainly not most of them...but there's enough "tsk tsk" in a church crowd to set off a nuke if they could just focus it).

These few people actually mean something to those of us who were beaten/abused during early- to mid-childhood. Yes, we should just dismiss it...but if you're at all aware of how PTSD and other psychic trauma works, it's not possible to "just dismiss the conditioning."

For the OP, I always tried to be either invisible, or present a strong male presence...but like Miharu Barbie it didn't fool anyone. They knew I was a girlie-man so I was often the butt of gay jokes (which sounds like a gay joke, in itself  ) When I got out, my first girlfriend and I were talking and I said (in response to a question she had), "That's what I have to do; that's what men do." And she said, "Are you a man?" That didn't hurt my feelings as much as it made me think, "Well...am I?" (At the time, being trans was not even in the "wild imagination" of possibilities).

I didn't.

Quote from: Adam1 on July 08, 2012, 03:06:33 PM
Who are these magical gender police who patrol society daily beating up people who don't conform?

Well, to use my own personal experience as an illustration, I can offer you a snapshot in time from my 19th year of life, 1984.  The day that I was outed by my army psychiatrist, I saw First Sergeant Gottschalk, a grizzled old man at least 30 years older than I was at the time.  Wounded 6 times in Vietnam, Gottschalk had an intensity about him that could block out the sun.  I remember the day, I remember his face, I remember his breath, and I remember his words... He pushed me against a wall, got in my face and called me a f***ing queer.  He said, "You will never get out of my army!  I will see you dead!  I'm going to kill you, you f***ing queer!  Get out of my face, I can't stand to look at you!"  And he MEANT IT.  I went to the cops.  I went to the company priest.  I went to the battalion commander.  They all spoke words of empathy, but no one was willing to lift a finger to intervene. 

A lot has changed in the past 30 years.  Much remains the same.  Our Transgender Day of Remembrance is our annual reminder that, for many, the so-called "Gender Police" sometimes have teeth.

It wasn't so much hiding, but I did try to convince myself that I could be a girl if I made myself feminine.  This involved a lot of uncomfortable shoes and makeup...

Quote from: Beth Andrea on July 08, 2012, 05:46:15 PM
There's actually quite a few of them...

True. And many of 'them' are internalised. Those are perhaps the most fearsome and most elusive. Those internalised police that make us give an f about how we look and how we are perceived and force us to cut ourselves up and take HRT to 'fit in'. We beat ourselves up daily.

I started with going bald at age 14, grew to 6 ft tall, giant sized wide 11 feet and frog hands. Oh yeah, also packed on an extra 100-150 lbs. No mistaking me for a woman