I feel that one of the most painful things for me is , that I was not raised as a girl and a girl.
that's something  I could not never experience in age 31 and i will never fully overcome this.

I also realized that sometimes trans feel discomfort talking with women, even ones that accept you and understand there will always be a gap between us and them.

I know I should accept myself with all my faults and different, but it still hurts and will hurt the future.
Maybe if I grow a daughter, then it will give me experience a bit of growing up as female ...

I remember in movie about the first trans  who had the SRS surgery like  the French Cocsinel,
All of them said they donn't  feel real women but as  transgenders .
Maybe  besides the inability to give birth, the reason is the one I mentioned.

I wonder how those who really feel the change as children and were then able to live as women with a partner

Not really, it bothers me more when I look at teenage girls. My childhood was happy, things didn't go downhill until I hit puberty.

My experience was similar Trista.  I watched my own children grow up, and as I didn't really differentiate between boys and girls when I was young, don't feel I missed out there.  I have to admit to the odd pang of jealousy when I see teenagers though.
Puberty was the start of the downhill slide for me.  I would have much preferred my teenage years as a girl.  True I almost certainly  would have had a hard time as a young dykelet in the late 60's and early 70's,  but that would have been preferable to what I went through.

Karen.

Short answer yes I miss all the things that go along with gowing up as a GG. A kinda of a disclaimer to this post though as I just came to the truth to myself I haven't done anything yet so those feelings might change.

Yes I do.. Alot and it hurts! I have a huge problem with this actually and it has made me to "chase" my childhood in adulthood. That is trying to replicate events etc... Not fun at all .


I grew up on the countryside so I moved to a similar area not far from my previous home, I was at a farm as a kid and therefore bought a farm.


I really need to get past that dream to revive my childhood and make it right.. Because it will never happen and I know it! But still I try..

The feeling is hard to describe.. But if I would try I would do it like this "It feels like someone stole my childhood and I had to stand in a corner and watch".

Ok this sounds really weird  but I did seek help so atleast I do something about it.

 In response to the thread's title...

Yes. Very much so.

Sad?  No, because it is what it is.  But I do miss not having grown up as a little girl.

No, not sad and really, I rarely think about how I grew up, I see it as a waste of time and I've had to let a lot of stuff that happened go and the best way to keep it gone is not to dwell on it.

Hate to admit this but yeah, I have always been very jealous of girls. There was a time when i was younger; before the gender roles weren't that important where i was basically a girl. I used to dress up, play with dolls, have loads of female friends, even had a boyfriend. Then after a while this behaviour became unacceptable and i was forced into boring boy stuff! So yeah i feel like i missed out, especially since these issues caused me to have severe depression, and made me very isolated. 

No.

I find that since I have been living as a woman (not as trans) that I picked up where I began living (as me). 

So no...  I don't pine for past experiences.  I focus on the present and on my goals.

No, not so much. Actually I was more sad about the missing teens but have moved past that now. My life is really good now so I tend to focus more on that. Besides, there's so much interesting stuff to fill ones life with that's not related to sex/gender. Life is so much more than being a woman or a man.

Maybe they are jelous of us who transitioned!

Never feel you missed something because others might feel they missed being YOU !

Quote from: Amazon D on July 08, 2012, 07:23:08 AM
Maybe they are jelous of us who transitioned!

Never feel you missed something because others might feel they missed being YOU !

When I first came out and started transition I had a really good friend that actually told me she was a bit jealous of me. Her own life was one of problems and lacked a sense of purpose and direction. At the time I thought it was preposterous, but now almost a decade later my life has blossomed while hers has spiraled down into a cesspool of alcohol/drug addiction and psychiatric problems.

I think it's very common for us who are trans to feel we are victims of the cruel cruel universe, but the fact of the matter is that so many people are far worse of than us. I'm certainly not happy about being the way I am an the things I have missed, but life is in fact pretty good.

For me personally being trans has it's silver lining. I'm a sucker for the unusual. I think unique and rare experiences are among the true fruits of life, and the unique perspective I have gained from my transition and the somewhat unusual life I have lived is very valuable to me. It makes the inside of my head a very very interesting place. It's a great place to "live" and I enjoy myself very much with my thoughts and intellect. To me being trans is a bit like being able to see a color no one else can see.

As for my friend I feel very sad and I miss her very much and I often think of her and wonder if she is still alive. For a time she was one of my very best friends and part of the entourage of female friends I had through my transition. To me they were worth their weight in gold in the way they included me as one of them.

just yesterday we went to our neighbors for a BBQ, they had their granddaughters over for the summer, ages 15, 11 and 8, well behaved very pretty blond girls, reminded me so much of my girls when they were that age and I really miss that time!

Its was nice to see such polite young ladies and yes in the back of my mind it kind of makes me sad that I was stuck in "boy mode" growing up   but my sister and I when we were young had a very good childhood regardless of my issue...I was a tall blond cute boy to to others but I really wanted to be a tall blond cute girl instead....oh well, at least now I can be a tall blond, uh..."older" girl

since very early in my childhood I learn to constantly fantasize about my daily experiences, so there was never a real experience that did not have a cognate made-up one; the memories are vivid and real to me, both the real and the imagined.

Nice coping mechanism, eh?

Quote from: peky on July 08, 2012, 11:56:00 AM
since very early in my childhood I learn to constantly fantasize about my daily experiences, so there was never a real experience that did not have a cognate made-up one; the memories are vivid and real to me, both the real and the imagined.

Nice coping mechanism, eh?

absolutley!! I had a great imagination and I used it well   when alone in private my whole mannerisms change to "all girl" always have since a young age!

Yes. I really wanted to have that experience, the friends, the girly talk and all that goes with being a teenager and normal development.

It is so difficult when you try to be stealth and not have those experiences to relate to.

Caroline

Whilst I didn't grow up as a girl, I was regarded as the quirky guy who was included in the 'girl talk'. I got to have a female adolescence, albeit a vicarious one, so I'm not sure I missed a whole lot..

I tend to get very jealous and slightly catty towards some girls that I meet because they were born how I feel.

Quote from: kelly_aus on July 09, 2012, 06:50:52 AM
Whilst I didn't grow up as a girl, I was regarded as the quirky guy who was included in the 'girl talk'. I got to have a female adolescence, albeit a vicarious one, so I'm not sure I missed a whole lot..

Yep,that was me also

The girls always let me into their circles from when I was young to even today, it feels so natural to me and even some of my female friends say the same thing even though I'm in boy mode at the time...at least I have all that, it's not all bad.

When my daughters were younger I was always driving them and there friends everywhere and taking them shopping etc. even into their teens. None of their friends minded at all as I sort of had a better understanding of them than any of the parents