so a little over a week ago, I was set up with this girl Liz by my best friend and her roommate, and so far its been awesome.  I'm not on T, and plan on starting asap, and she is totally supportive of it.  She actually knew I was trans before we met.  I've been having great time with her and I Think  I really honestly want it to work out for us to be together, but I can't help but question myself for it.   

I've been single for over 2 years, aside from some drunk making out,  and I don't even know how to handle the whole situation.   Last time I had a girlfriend, I was in a completely different place in my life as far as body issues and outness and basically my whole mental state.   I've since laid off on the drugs, cut way way back on drinking, have better way more reliable friends and in a lot of ways have become a completely different person.  During that whole 'Finding Myself' period I semi-intentionally stayed single, figuring I needed to figure out how to deal with me before I could figure out how to be me in a relationship.

So, now theres this girl.  As I said, shes awesome. Super geeky, kinda queer, bisexual, into all the same BBC shows  (yeah, I'm American, but the BBC is just so much better then American networks most of the time) and into hiking outdoor stuff too.   I'm kind of afraid that I like her because she actually likes me, and wants to date me, and I've been stuck in this horrible depressive mental state regarding dating where I was convinced no one would want to date me. So yeah, I really don't know how I feel about this relationship becoming serious. 

And Sex.  It honestly kind of freaks me out right now.  She's mentioned wanting more than kissing, but even though I know I want to on some level,  the overwhelming anxiety keeps taking over, and the idea of anything more than just kissing kind of makes me want to run away.   That being said, Liz gets bonus points on this issue.   We went hiking today and had a really good conversation while eating lunch at the summit where I basically unloaded all my disphoria and general anxiety issues over sex and swimming and binders and packers, and how long I've been single, and I told her I need to figure out how I really feel.   She was totally awesome about everything and said she wouldn't rush me into anything, and at this point were just casually dating and seeing what happens.   

Thanks for reading, If you made it this far.  I guess I really just needed to vent, but advice is definitely welcome.

Congrats on snagging a girl mate. I'm trying to meet people but I suck at it cause I don't like going to clubs

She sounds like a great girl Kyle. Its great that shes so supportive and is happy to work at whatever speed you feel comfortable with. Hopefully by working together, even if it just stays at the dating stage, hopefully itll help build your confidence with stuff more. Help you to figure out how you feel comfortable doing what and lift your depressive feelings and moods.

Justin - (easier said than done but) try not to worry too much about finding someone. And I go to clubs sometimes, but for me, I would consider it one of the worst places to meet someone, other than a drunk one night messy fling. You dont get to know someone at a club and, I find its harder for me as I get judged straight away by my lack of height :p
Anyway, I met my girl (though things are abit patchy at the mo) while we both happened to be working in South Africa (we are both English),  we were both there for 3months with the same charity. I did not expect to meet anyone at all, and Id actually resigned myself to the fact that I wasnt going to be with anyone for a few years, because of where I was in transition, I didnt want to. But weve been together two years now, and the way things work out just fall into place.
Not saying you need to go to a different country :p but simple stuff like work, volunteering, a random trip to this or that place, opens so many more opportunities to meet people.

yeah i don't really have that much trouble with passing or anything even though i'm only 5'1"
my main problem is i'm very shy and have never been in any relationship before so i don't really know what i'm doing or how to pick up on or send out signals

Kyle, I'm really happy for you, it sounds like you've found  a nice girl. And as scary as it may be, you sound like you are ready to move forward in your life, and this girl fits right in.

Buddhist proverb: "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

Have fun!