Hi, Deew.
I feel a lot like you do.
I identify as male, and prefer to associate myself with being "FTM" as little as possible. I remember when I was in your position and I sympathize you, because it truly does suck. If it were possible, I honestly would have been on the right hormones through out most of high school, but unfortunately due to the laws in my state, it was not made an option for me - I can see myself being a lot happier with myself developmentally if it would have been though. Anyway, welcome to the site. I hope you make some friends here and receive all the support you may need.