Hello all,
Well it has been an interesting, sad, and scary year. Back in May of last year I was let go from my job that I have been working for 14 years. It's not because of who I am, or what I am attempting to become. The company was bought out from a firm out in California. As anyone knows once a company is bought out the inevidible layoffs almost always come months after. It has happened to me twice in my lifetime of working. I actually was getting a little tired of this job anyway, doing the same thing everyday all day got boring to say the least. I was in the low end of the totem pole, doing mostly facilities work, all the stuff nobody wants to do. I had initially thought I had been let go because of my dress. I had in the last few months started to dress a little enfeme. Not anything to outragious, just common everyday stuff, womens jeans, tops, even shoes. Not enouph to bring serious attention, not that anyone paid me much attention. I started to act feminine more too. All these thoughts were spinning in my head as I took the last subway ride home that day, a Friday in full knowing that I would not be returning back to work on Monday. A lot has happened since that day. I collected unemployment for six months till it ran out. At least I got to enjoy the rest off the summer out at the beach club and will do so again this summer. I have looked around for jobs with not much luck. I'll be looking around some more in the coming months.
So where am I now? So far I am still in the closet. I have to be carful of how far feme I can go. I still continue shaving my body of hair. I just do it now out of pure habit, like I was meant to. I keep myself well groomed facewise. I can't go out unless I shave the face. And then I'll put on some foundation to hide the shadow. I have not gone enfeme for sometime now, but I ocansionally if I do a good job on the face, get reconized as female and it's always a good feeling for me. But not if I don't. I have had some conversations with my mom about the shaving. She doesnt really like it much. So far though I think she might be accepting it for now. It's still a little cool yet and I have not been wearing short sleeve shirts yet, but I know she has seen my arms shaved but she doesnt say anything. I know there will be more discussions about this as it warmes up more an I start wearing lighter clothes. Being out of a job, I have not been seeing a therepist anymore as it is expensive. Once I find a job I am happy with and get settled in that job , I will investigate another therepist. There are certain things I have fallen into habit with feminine wise. Crossing of legs the way women will do, even walking. Talking also has taken a feminine edge. Female mannerisims have almost become secound nature to me now.
It's been a little over a year that I joined Susan's, and within that year I have meet lots of nice folks with similar situations. I have gone from confused and sad to more positive self. I still have a ways to go before I fully understand the feelings I have about myself and my future. I'll be posting more about myself in future posting. I may not have posted all that much as others have, but I'll be on more. I'll end this long winded post now.
Linda Ann
Love being female
