Joann, can you please clarify whether you are speaking about FTM genitalia when you say that pumping leads to dependence, and jelqing results in changes?
The benefits from pumping of FTM genitals (more evident in testosterone-enhanced or -influenced bodies) don't seem to be so much from the engorgement, which is temporary. The challenges as I (and some other longterm guys who discuss this) have seen seem to be more around stretching, and figuring out what to use to accomplish the regular, gradual stretch of internal structures. Pumping seems to do that for many of us, whether or not the actual engorgement provides enough stretch to non-harmfully allow maximum growth and preparation for surgery.