I honestly thought that my psychiatrist was amazing. And then today happens. I brought up the fact that I do want to get on T.
Long story short, she says I need to make a plan. And somehow this plan can extend for years. Apparently before I take T, I need to fit in getting a job/car. She kept talking about this crap. I REALLY do not see how this is relevant. I am fine with waiting a whole frekin year for the damn T. But I'm not willing to wait years. And at one point she even stated, "It's a rare thing for gay men to want children." First of all, let me say I'm not gay, but we were talking about how I wanted kids. And how I might have to postpone my "plan" if I wanted them. I thought it was so ignorant that she said that about gay men. Where the hell is she getting her statistics?

And what I hate more than anything is that she is in a way shoving down my throat that I need to see  a support group. The nearest one would be 2 hours away! I can't do that! Apart from the fact that I DON'T want to.

I guess the worst part is that she was just really wishy washy. I really couldn't get a feel for when she would help me out. At this point I'm stuck with her. I'm just going to write a "plan" and show it to her next time I see her or some crap like that.

Another thing that bothered me was the fact that she said "Everyone has something they don't like about themselves. And sometimes it's just impossible to change it." How is someone not liking their hair or their boobs the same as being born in the wrong frekin body?
In the end she did say, "I know you're going to do this blah blah blah" but still. So many things rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I'm just easily bothered by things. I don't know.

Hi Baby Griffin :-),

Well, I am sorry for what you had to go through, but I have to tell you that unfortunately it is not that uncommon to encounter therapists kike that. a lot are fixated ion the gay thing: once, I had one tell me that "God made Adam and Eve, NOT Adam and Steve"... I am not gay, BTW.

Could you maybe change therapist, or are you really "stuck with her"?

Best of luck and keep us posted,
Andrea :-)

Not exactly like that but my experience with them were not good. When I first went to the GIC clinic where I live I had to talk to not one but two different shrinks, and they were both equally unfriendly and hostile. In fact they both acted as if I was a criminal brought in for interrogation. Not a single friendly word, no smiles or other pleasantries. I was visibly uncomfortable in this situation and they would pick up on this. They would openly speculate about the underlying psychological problems I quiet possibly suffered from that would manifest themselves with such symptoms (ie. acting uncomfortable). They would make all sorts of crazy assertions about me without having actually talked to me first.

I really hated having to see these shrinks. Luckily they had no power real over me since I was already well on my way in my transition and means to get srs privately. They did however say they could and would prevent me from having my legal gender changed if I decided to not have srs with their surgeon. Fortunately for me another patient that went with a private srs surgeon hired a human rights lawyer and threatened to file charges against them. They gave in and granted us the right to have our legal gender changed.

Others weren't so lucky. Just a few years ago a young girl castrated herself after having been denied treatment by said shrinks.

That's a bummer, because when you posted before it seemed like it was going well with her. You can't find another one now? Why are you stuck with her?

I'm personally not a fan of therapists or psychologists. I get that there are good ones out there (and by good I mean people are actually helped by them) but I've never been helped and they've done way more damage to me than any kind of good.

I've not seen a gender therapist as there are hardly any GICs in England who will see people under 18, but my normal shrink was awful.  When he was told about my gender issues he tried to make me talk about them because he was convinced that was why I'd ended up in hospital following a suicide attempt even though it was totally irrelevant and  I didn't trust him an ounce and really didn't want to talk to him about anything that personal with him.

I feel bad but I almost laughed at you calling her "wishy-washy" as that describes pretty much all of the shrinks I've ever seen - and trust me, that's a lot, I've seen everyone in my counties CAMHS as well as independant councillors and GPs over the years.  I was pretty screwed up lol

To everyone that has asked, I'm stuck in the sense that my mom is paying and it's a lot of money to keep switching. At this point, I just want to get this year done with and if I have to, I will just do informed consent. At least I will know that I DID try therapy.

Quote from: AlecSky on July 24, 2012, 06:17:44 PM
I've not seen a gender therapist as there are hardly any GICs in England who will see people under 18, but my normal shrink was awful.  When he was told about my gender issues he tried to make me talk about them because he was convinced that was why I'd ended up in hospital following a suicide attempt even though it was totally irrelevant and  I didn't trust him an ounce and really didn't want to talk to him about anything that personal with him.

I feel bad but I almost laughed at you calling her "wishy-washy" as that describes pretty much all of the shrinks I've ever seen - and trust me, that's a lot, I've seen everyone in my counties CAMHS as well as independant councillors and GPs over the years.  I was pretty screwed up lol

Lol it's okay if you almost laughed. I'm glad that some people get helped but I have a terrible track record with these people. To me, they are so full of it! So much that they say is so much bull and then I DO NOT understand why they have the WPATH guidelines when NONE follow it! At least not the one's I've been to. They all bring it up and then basically say I have to be in therapy for at least a year. Why mention it if you are going to follow your own rules? It's bull to me. Honestly, I say screw it. If in 6 months, nothing is getting done, I'm gonna leave and do informed consent if I can find an endo that will do it.

There is the online gender therapist that some here have used and been happy with.

A good gender therapist will ask you a lot of questions.  They will also point out pitfalls of transition.  It is their job to a) diagnose you as trans (or not) and b) make sure you are emotionally healthy and ready to tackle transition as it is NOT AN EASY ROAD. And if they have valid concerns about your transition, they should tell you.

That said, just blanket crap spouted by those who don't understand gender identity issues are NOT helpful. My first general therapist at first seemed understanding; then she started saying stuff to convince me to just be happy as F. Basically go back to the closet and stay there.  I got a new therapst. Actually, 2 of them.

Good luck.


Jay

I had a shrink, older white guy. I liked him, I miss him actually. That was probably a lucky shot though, seems like most people here come up with some really pathetic shrinks that make you wonder if they're actually qualified or not. A lot of them seem to ask for plans going years into the future. Seriously, who plans five years into the future?

My experience with my therapist was great. She asked me a lot of questions, and many of them were about my future plans, but she didn't require me to have any plans at all. I second sneakersjay in that is their job to ask you a lot of question, and in my experience a lot of them were uncomfortable for me to answer, but she made it as easy as possible.

I don't know your situation, but if you are under the legal age and cannot change therapists, I would tread lightly and find a new one either once you hit legal age or ask your parents about switching. A bad therapist is way worse than no therapist at all.

I agree that it's essential to have some form of job or income in order to FUND your transition, but I think the rest of what she said was bull->-bleeped-<-. I've had people suggest a support group to me, but it's not my thing. I find that I get more done in one on one therapy, and that is OKAY. If you don't feel comfortable going to a support group, you shouldn't have to go. A support group is, well, a support SYSTEM. Maybe she wants you to make friends and build up strong support from your peers?

Also there are a lot more ways to have children than through you carrying them. You don't have to postpone your transition if you want kids. Have you tried to find a new psych?

My experiences with therapists have been horrible. I went to four different therapist for months each before I found the one who would actually help me. What I will say, and it might annoy you to hear, is that you should try and get into contact with a support group near you. I'm not saying you need to go and see them, but a lot of support groups have access to resources and trusted medical professionals, and it's very likely that they could steer you in the direction of a therapist more likely to help you get where you want to be.

After two years of trying and failing to get on T, I contacted my local support group out of sheer desperation, asking if anyone was able to help me. What I found out was that the group actually had a retired psychologist who was a friend and supporter, and she donated nine sessions of her time a week to guys and girls who needed her help from the community. I went and saw her once (paid nothing, though when she was working her time would have run me at $400 an hour), and walked out with a letter for T.

So my suggestion would be to see if you can call or email the leader of this group, and just see if they can do something similar for you. You never know until you try.

Quote from: Stewie on July 24, 2012, 03:41:20 PM
I honestly thought that my psychiatrist was amazing. And then today happens. I brought up the fact that I do want to get on T.
Long story short, she says I need to make a plan. And somehow this plan can extend for years. Apparently before I take T, I need to fit in getting a job/car. She kept talking about this crap. I REALLY do not see how this is relevant. I am fine with waiting a whole frekin year for the damn T. But I'm not willing to wait years. And at one point she even stated, "It's a rare thing for gay men to want children." First of all, let me say I'm not gay, but we were talking about how I wanted kids. And how I might have to postpone my "plan" if I wanted them. I thought it was so ignorant that she said that about gay men. Where the hell is she getting her statistics?

And what I hate more than anything is that she is in a way shoving down my throat that I need to see  a support group. The nearest one would be 2 hours away! I can't do that! Apart from the fact that I DON'T want to.

I guess the worst part is that she was just really wishy washy. I really couldn't get a feel for when she would help me out. At this point I'm stuck with her. I'm just going to write a "plan" and show it to her next time I see her or some crap like that.

Another thing that bothered me was the fact that she said "Everyone has something they don't like about themselves. And sometimes it's just impossible to change it." How is someone not liking their hair or their boobs the same as being born in the wrong frekin body?
In the end she did say, "I know you're going to do this blah blah blah" but still. So many things rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I'm just easily bothered by things. I don't know.

Im sorry you had bad therapist, I also had a bad one and sadly I know many with bad experience which also make me kinda hard to trust therapist today. the most rediculous comments I heard was stuff like rejecting people for being 1 kilo too overweight, or asking them if they saw ghoast.. I mean wtf?

I think the suport group thing isnt that much a bad idea, of corse its your choice if you want or not, But in some caises I feel suport groups has more usefull information than the regular therapist or system can offer you.

I agree with Natkat, I love the support groups. I feel so less alone. This is great here, but it is nothing at all like the real life stuff. OTOH, 2 hours is a long way. I think we have a couple people that do come every once in awhile from that far away.

--Jay Jay

Not to be a dick but 2 hours dosen't sound that long to me.
for the suport groups I know of, we has members who has 2-7 hours of distance to come.
They might not show up everytime, as they might not have the money or time to do so but they do show up when they can and thats all fine and understandable for the rest of the members.
when I wasn't living nearby, I also cancelled alot of meetings because it was sort of difficult to show up, but nobody says you has to be there to every single meeting but once in a while or at least once, dosent seams hard.
if you go there you can explain that your living rather far away so its not that easy for you to come, I am sure people will understand.

I understand that there are guys who get a lot out of going to a support group, but I don't think it's necessary in the slightest. I personally couldn't get comfortable around my support group; just because we have one part of our lives in common, doesn't mean that we're all people that can get along perfectly, or that we should instantly click.

I think support groups are a good thing for those who want/need them, and they can be great when it comes to accessing resources, but I don't think they should be looked upon as a strictly necessary part of transitioning. At the end of the day, what will a support group do? They'll have a coffee and a meaningful chat with you; something that can be found a lot closer than two hours away.

I think bane make some excellent point. A support group may have name and numbers of key people who you will need/want to see, but not know how to access on your own. I'm in the mental health field, actually finished my nurse practitioner in psychiatry. many studies show that psychiatrists have been universally the least helpful of mental health people around for LGBTQP. It is because they use such a psycho-pathology model. In my town, there are two groups are therapists who specifically with these populations.

The problem is that most mental health folks get no training in this area. Additionally, since it is a fairly tiny populations, they see no reason to get training when they can focus on the many depressives and bipolars out there. BTY, I am not comparing the two to us.Bipolar and depression are serious conditions that can benefit from medication that changes the neurotransmitters inthe brain. No amount of modifying our dopamine levels are going to help us.  I do not believe we have a problem, we are a variation that has a lot of difficulty is the way society is constructed. In another society, we might not have problems at all. But the strict binary gender issues make like very difficult.

Quote from: Stewie on July 24, 2012, 03:41:20 PM
I honestly thought that my psychiatrist was amazing. And then today happens. I brought up the fact that I do want to get on T.
Long story short, she says I need to make a plan. And somehow this plan can extend for years. Apparently before I take T, I need to fit in getting a job/car. She kept talking about this crap. I REALLY do not see how this is relevant. I am fine with waiting a whole frekin year for the damn T. But I'm not willing to wait years. And at one point she even stated, "It's a rare thing for gay men to want children." First of all, let me say I'm not gay, but we were talking about how I wanted kids. And how I might have to postpone my "plan" if I wanted them. I thought it was so ignorant that she said that about gay men. Where the hell is she getting her statistics?

And what I hate more than anything is that she is in a way shoving down my throat that I need to see  a support group. The nearest one would be 2 hours away! I can't do that! Apart from the fact that I DON'T want to.

I guess the worst part is that she was just really wishy washy. I really couldn't get a feel for when she would help me out. At this point I'm stuck with her. I'm just going to write a "plan" and show it to her next time I see her or some crap like that.

Another thing that bothered me was the fact that she said "Everyone has something they don't like about themselves. And sometimes it's just impossible to change it." How is someone not liking their hair or their boobs the same as being born in the wrong frekin body?
In the end she did say, "I know you're going to do this blah blah blah" but still. So many things rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe I'm just easily bothered by things. I don't know.

Part of why I've completely avoided therapists... Personally, I don't buy into the whole mantra that trans people need to see "gender therapists" or therapists at all. Things are changing (at least in Canada) to a point where you don't need to see a therapist in order to get T, you only need to do so to get government funded surgery (which I think should change and given the way things are going, probably will change). I've had two counselors (one a transguy, the other a queer ciswoman) and had good experiences with both of them trying to help me be me faster, rather than throw roadblocks in front of you. In that might be key, as well. Getting a counselor who is trans themselves or who is, in some way, a part of the lgbt/queer community.

I do agree that support groups are great and I'm 100% pro-support group, but if you don't want to go to one, then that's your choice. I just think its a great way to get advice from other trans people (who, imo, give better advice through experience than any therapist), access to resources, trans-positive doctors/health care, to have people to relate to/avoid isolating yourself, make new friends and be in a more positive/accepting and supportive environment that doesn't demonise us as "mentally ill."

Your therapist sounds like a quack (like most of them), though. Getting on T is not a huge process, and you can definitely get it within months to a year. Depending on where you live, all you might need to do is to see your family doctor or a trans-positive doctor and tell her/him what's going on, you go for blood work and if everything checks out you're good to go. If you live in a place that requires you to get a letter/get counseling it might take longer...but still...years? Car/job? Wtf is this therapist on about?