Hi Everyone
I will try to keep this concise  as I have a lot to say.  I am 37 nearly 10 months on HRT and not full time.  My avatar pic is up to date with some light make-up.  I am planning to have some FFS in mid October (subject to funds being in place).  Following this i will be going full time.  This is the way i had planned it.

I feel totally down at the moment and extremely lonely.  Despite efforts, i have found it very difficult to make friends.  I thought I had made a friend in the trans community but it has turned out to be disappointing.  She initially took me under her wing and then lost interest in me when I resisted going full time as I did not feel ready.  She maintained she understood my reasons but definitely does not make an effort to keep in contact with me.  She never invited me to evenings out with her other TS friends and we only met for coffee or a wander around the shops. I was always kept at arms length.  I was left feeling alienated.  I attended the local TV/TS support group but have not found anyone my age who is on HRT and in actual transition medically.  They are either much younger or much older.  There is a lot of TV girls there too and when I discussed my HRT regimen they were quite disinterested.   As a TS girl I am straight.  I love guys and can't wait to have a relationship.  This particular support group has a lot of lesbian women in it.  Which of course is fine, but not when I want to discuss men and dating etc etc.

I live with my ex boyfriend of 10 years.  He has recently met another guy and things are going well.  I am starting to really let go and on the face of it cope well, but deep down inside I am hurting more than I realise.  I am drifting away on my own feeling very insecure.

One of the effects of becoming a straight Trans-woman is the desire for a man.  I have a burning desire for a man, for love, intimacy, cuddles etc etc.  Sometimes the pull is so strong I wake up with heart ache which only reinforces how lonely I feel.  I have joined a TS dating site and have had a lot of interest but I haven't really fancied many of the guys who have contacted me and the ones i do fancy dont seem to notice me.  I have updated my pics and filled in a good profile.  Maybe I should be the first to say hi to them.  Part of me thinks "why would they fancy me anyway"  so you can see what kind of mind set I am in at the moment.

Being a man at work is becoming very difficult.  I get funny looks and I am fed up of being MR.  I work with vulnerable adults in the community and when I am out of the office I work alone.  Basically i need to pass as a woman.  I often get involved in difficult social situations and have to discuss very personal issues.  It is essential that my clients understand that they are either talking to a man or a woman.  Not negotiable.  Hence FFS before going full time.  This wait is driving me crazy though  

Close friends at work are leaving at a rate of knots to pursue different careers or moving away.  Some of the people I first came out to have now left and my closet friend has moved to France.  I know it sounds really depressing but this is what is happening to me at the moment. 

I went to my GP and he diagnosed depression (not surprisingly)  and put me on Prozac.  This made me very unwell and caused me anxiety attacks.  I stopped taking the Prozac and feel better for it.

Sorry to sound down but I need to vent a little.  I am starting with counselling again next week and I hope to work through some of my issues there.  I am actually a really social girl.  I am kind and love to have fun.  I am shy and lacking in confidence but with time I know I will break though and be fine.  If anyone readking this lives in the Brighton/Eastbourne area of the UK and would like to say hi, please do I would love to hear from you

Thanks for listening
Jo x

Hey, I really feel for you    I stay in Glasgow but I can understand what you're going through. Transitioning is difficult enough but then losing your friends can be a real blow. You just gotta be strong and realise that it isn't your fault in any way/shape/form.

Sometimes - for whatever reasons - people don't get on! This TG woman wasn't sympathetic to you in what is one of the most distressing times during transition. Maybe you're better off without her?

If you have the numbers of her TG friends, you could always schedule a meet-up with them and see how that goes. From your previous posts, you seem to me like a really fun-loving gal so im sure you'll win them over, without the shadow of the acquaintance hanging over. 

Or If you've got any hobbies, you could always join a club and get to know people there before disclosing your ->-bleeped-<- with those you feel comfortable with. Broaden your horizons 

I'm similar to you in that I have a burning desire to share my life with someone. But a few things creep up. Stuff like - is it fair to get close to someone whilst my life is still in this crazy state of flux? I've got so many different concerns (passing, hormones, mental stuff) at this point that I couldnt devote my full attention to a relationship. And if I find The One, then I would want to focus my all on maintaining that relationship and not end up with any "What Ifs".

I would recommend joining a more mainstream dating website though. TS dating sites can be full of timewasters and "->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s" (excuse the term). You want to find a good guy who will love you for you.

Be patient, be positive and above all be yourself. 
X

PS Oh and feel free to give Scotland some of that lovely weather you lot have been hogging!   

Hi Bexi

Thank you for your lovely reply.  I must admit i have wondered what I have done wrong as to why i have lost friends and possible friends have let me down.  Is it me?  I think you are right it can't all be me, sometimes things just dont work.

I do have some contact with a few of the TS ladies I met but mainly through Facebook.  I am concerne about contacting them as i dont want to tred on her feet and by passing her to get to her friends.  I 'll have a think about it. 

I need to get a hobbie.  I need to find and interest. 

As for dating, yes you make a very good point.  Could I actually give someone all of my time and energy right now.  Probably not.  I have considered main stream dating but I am not brave enough for that yet.  TS dating seems safe in a way and i fancy the pants off one guy in there.  I just haven't said Hi to him

Weather wise.  It's scorchio down south! However having just seen the weather it looks as if your Scottish gloom is heading our way.

Thanks againx

Quote from: Joanna on July 26, 2012, 01:03:17 PM
I do have some contact with a few of the TS ladies I met but mainly through Facebook.  I am concerned about contacting them as i dont want to tred on her feet and by passing her to get to her friends.  I 'll have a think about it.

You could organise a meet up with them initially and act like the host and involve yourself. Something fun-filled like a pub-crawl or tea party. If you invite the mutual acquaintance, your role as host/planner will mean you won't be ostracized by anyone and can also reveal your fun side! Once they see the real you, they'll be smitten and you'll have to disappoint them all!  [/quote]

Quote from: Joanna on July 26, 2012, 01:03:17 PMTS dating seems safe in a way and i fancy the pants off one guy in there.  I just haven't said Hi to him

In this circumstance, wine/vodka/your favourite poison is your friend! Its very much possible that the guy feels the exact same way about you, but is similarly apprehensive. Don't let a little case of nerves affect what could be something special.

Quote from: Joanna on July 26, 2012, 01:03:17 PMWeather wise.  It's scorchio down south!

Bitch! 
x

Hi jo

I agree with Bexi, try to find a new hobby to go to. You don't have to limit yourself to 'trans' clubs. You look very passable to me so I don't see you having any trouble if you wish to go stealth.
The more you focus on getting friends the longer it will seem till you have some and the lonelier you will feel.
Go out and do things to have fun and if you happen to make some new friends along the way then that's a bonus. If you find the perfect man for you then that's a bigger bonus but don't let those two points hold you back from enjoying yourself.

I wish you the best of luck =]

Hi Jo,

My heart goes out to you, you seem to be such a lovely human being. I agree wholeheartedly with Bexi, and therefore I am not going to go over the same ground and repeat her words. About this "friend"? I don't think she deserves you. You are most definitely better off without her. You can always tell real friends, like real life partners, because their love and feelings towards you are going to be unconditional, within legality and ethics, of course, and won't ask you to be in a certain way. If there is a condition on love, then it is *NOT* real love, and you don't need it, even though, I can understand that it is indeed a temporary relief, at least in the short term.

You seem very feminine and very much of a woman, a real woman, who truly thinks and feels like a woman. There are always going to be quite a few TS women who won't relate to you, among other things for your romantic interests who are different than those of the average TS. I feel exactly the way you do, BTW, in case you were wondering. Your experiences seem to be very similar to mine. I am going through the same kind of stuff.

Follow your dreams, your interests, separate yourself from the TS thing for a while. I don't know you from Eve, but just by looking into your beautiful, sensitive eyes, and reading your heartfelt words, I can tell that it would be a mistake for you to limit yourself to the TS scene. You are a woman, and that's it. Look into your heart and tell me if I am wrong. Being TS is just a teeny tiny part of you, stemming from your being born in the wrong body, but there is so much more to you than being TS.

Friendships, love, and stuff will come in time, and not because you are desperately after them, but because the more you allow yourself to be yourself, the more it will be evident to the world what a beautiful human being you are, aside from being a very attractive lady, and someone will find you, hold you, cherish you and love you.

If you want to you can send me a PM, if you feel like talking about men, dating and stuff, aside from being able to relate to you and exchange feelings and experiences, I can also just listen, which sometimes is all we need to do.

About the dreamy guy: I once again ditto Bexi's words. Just saying hi might be it. :-) ;-)

All my love and respect,
Andrea

Quote from: NotThereYet on July 28, 2012, 03:56:04 PM



Follow your dreams, your interests, separate yourself from the TS thing for a while. I don't know you from Eve, but just by looking into your beautiful, sensitive eyes, and reading your heartfelt words, I can tell that it would be a mistake for you to limit yourself to the TS scene. You are a woman, and that's it. Look into your heart and tell me if I am wrong. Being TS is just a teeny tiny part of you, stemming from your being born in the wrong body, but there is so much more to you than being TS.

Friendships, love, and stuff will come in time, and not because you are desperately after them, but because the more you allow yourself to be yourself, the more it will be evident to the world what a beautiful human being you are, aside from being a very attractive lady, and someone will find you, hold you, cherish you and love you.

Dear Andrea

Thank you so much for your lovely reply to me.  I quoted the above as i felt your words were so touching.  I really do believe you understand where I am coming from.  It's not just about having a female mind but also a female heart.  Which you also clearly have.

I sometimes feel as if I am treading water and life is on hold while I cope with transition, and it is all too easy to get wound up in it emotionally that it does actually become all consuming.  I sometimes forget that life goes on regardless. I have spent most evenings recently cuddling with my ted reading the Fifty Shades trilogy.  Aw I love Christian Grey   It makes you want a vagina even more Ha ha ha!

I often dream about what life will be like once I am full time.  I actually think initially life will be more or less the same except that I will feel free to be myself in all areas of my life.  Buy clothes, try them on in store, use the ladies toilets without feeling this clawing negativity that i have a driving license and bank card in my purse with Mr written on it. 

I will take you up on your offer on PM you from time to time as I love to talk men.  I love em

Thanks again
Jo xx