Just wanted to say hi, I guess.
I mostly was wondering if there were more people out there like me. I have struggled my whole life with my gender. I was always a very feminine boy who tried to hide those parts of me. As I started my twenties, it became harder and harder to deal with my feelings. I made a choice that would determine my life path. I decided that it was selfish of me to focus on me and my problems while so many others suffered in different ways in their own lives. I rededicated my life to helping others with their problems (which was a very natural and comforting feeling for me) and soon I was able to come to "terms" with my feelings.
This does not mean that they disappeared. I realized that hiding them would be worthless, so I had to accept that I had them, but lose myself in the aid of others. I have since married an amazing woman and we will have our first baby soon! I am so happy that I chose the path I did. I know in my heart that I would have easily transitioned if I had chosen the other path. In my life now, I have no desire to do such. Well, I mentally have no desire, I could not see my life getting any better. I do, however, yearn to follow the other path; to be a full woman for the rest of my life. As tempting as it is (very much so), I know that my life would lack the same fulfillment that I get being a husband and soon-to-be father. I love caring for my growing family and to lose that would not be worth it just to have others finally accept me as a woman.
Some would say that if my family loved me, they would accept it and let me change my life. My wife isn't a lesbian, she fell in love with and married a man. She has always known about my inner struggles and helps me each day with them. I still act very feminine but she loves it because she sees how it makes me a better husband (I care for her in ways that other bio males couldn't understand). If anything, because I love my wife and family, I can make the right decision to do what is best for all of us.
My question is: Are there others like me in our transgendered umbrella who have the overwhelming feelings to transition but choose not to for other reasons? Yes, my feelings to finally become a woman make up a lot of who I am, but that doesn't mean it is totally who I am. I might be very female brained (just ask my wife!) but that doesn't mean I have to match my body to it. I can live with my thoughts and actions while still appear as a male and be happy. I guess I believe in the third way: it isn't just transition or die.
My other question is: What would you consider me? I feel after having seen many forums that many other transsexuals get angry if a woman doesn't fit their categories. I have been hurt many times because others have belittled my choices and told me that I am "faking it," "just a cross dresser," or somethings worse. I have felt those same struggles, I have openly related to their stories (seeing myself in each of them) only to have them scorn at me.
Anyway, Hi!
