Hello all, I haven't posted yet on this site so here is a bit about me.  I just turned 30 this month and I started HRT in April of this year at 29 years old.  After about 6 months of therapy to get my letter, day I got the letter got the HRT same day , couldn't wait any longer had been seeing my endo already.  It felt like the longest 6 months ever, during this time my marriage has basically ended and I recently found out my wife is pregnant.  I should of left the relationship months back but I was trying to change my wife's mind on staying with me. I have been taking HRT behind my wife's back for about 3 months, which is no good and I feel horrible about it, and I don't think I can hide the effects of my HRT much longer and have to end the relationship before it breaks our friendship as well.  I guess I wanted to make sure what I wanted and to see how I felt on HRT first... I don't know, it is prolly just not wanting to leave a comfortable relationship and regret things in the future.

When I first started on HRT I didn't notice much of anything, I was on a very low trial dose of estradial by itself for about 45 days before the dose was doubled.  Since my dose been doubled for over a month or so I noticed breast buds forming, side hip fat growing, reduce in acne forming, my mind seems like its in a higher place like floating and I enjoy being more social (which I am extremely introverted and shy), and I get a lot more emotional and can cry which I seemed unable to in the past. I also have lost quite some weight from being 5'10 and 166 at start of HRT to 152 in such of short time from just not eating much of anything, my appetite has been reduced hugely, I have like day long morning sickness.  I try to cut a lot of stuff out of my lifestyle like drinking excessively and caffeine, but I still smoke a lot of weed which I hate how it makes me feel but I am addicted to the smoking aspect and smoking with friends social part.  I started seeing a new endo that seems more knowledgeable and is going to add in spiro to the dose mix which my old endo only wanted to give me pure estrogen for my transition. I have been happy with my results so far, I figure if I started with a regular E dose with spiro to start would be better results by now.

When I leave my wife I will be staying with my mother till I finish with going back to school for nursing while I still work on my current job, in banking, in male mode. I want a job with good job demand so I can find work easily being transsexual if that issue comes up.  I would want to stay open in my transition to my friends/family and stealth in the job world/society. 

I wanted to be viewed as a women since I was young, but I was very sheltered and didn't know why I felt why I did.  I been depressed for most of my life, feeling awkward in my own body and viewed as gay very often. I always wanted to grow breasts when I was a teen and always wished I was born a women. Since I been growing up in male mode and pushed into male activities/roles I never enjoyed doing anything male related, I was always mad when people said your a man you gotta do it that way.  I didn't know what was wrong with me, I thought I had some severe depression or anxiety.  I didn't know transition was possible, I never really looked into anything besides just playing video games with every free moment I had, I would always play a female avatar even when I was soo young.  I would wear my sisters clothes to school cuss they felt more comfortable than my clothes, just like a neutral sweater. I would also at my earliest memories try on my mothers jewelry and shoes and play with girl toys at times, but feelings of embarrassment would force me to live in male mode which I felt not at peace with myself.

I'm at that point where I have to take a change in life, I am not happy as I am, and I am willing to lose everything to find happiness and to find myself.

Hi Ashley,

Seems like you've found yourself at long last.

Quote from: Ashley30 on July 23, 2012, 09:23:32 PM
but I still smoke a lot of weed which I hate how it makes me feel but I am addicted to the smoking aspect and smoking with friends social part. 

As no doubt this is all pretty new to you, you do need to break the social cycle related to the smoking, so you stand a chance of stopping it. Any form of smoking and HRT has a high risk potential for serious health issues. Your Endo should have warned you of that before doubling your dosage.

As you appear to be pleased with your progress to date and foresee a bright future in your new role, you would be devastated if something of a health issue marred your progress. Give this serious consideration for your own wellbeing.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I'm 31 next month and only started HRT in December (I'm off it for two months to see if I can bank anything to make little Hannah's later)
It's never too late to be who you really are, but I notice there are significantly fewer people currently in their 30's transitioning compared to other age groups
Getting my midlife crisis 20 years early due to family problems was good for something I guess

I started HRT 1.5 yrs ago. I was 32 yrs old.


I wish I had started sooner when I was built a little smaller, but that is just wishful thinking. I would have missed out on so much if I had done it before marriage and to be honest, I would not trade my life with my children for anything else in the universe. Anyone that thinks that transition after 30 is pointless and that you will never pass, I say you are wrong! Way wrong!  If I can pass as a woman then you can too!

Welcome Ashley!!

Alls I can say is it's a long crazy fun adventure! Hold faith and we're here to help, tho I'm not around often I do have my personal journey a post down if you want a general idea of a step by step journey from day 1 to two years that I have tried to include everything I have experienced.

Oh and I turn 30 in 4 months so not quite here but was close enough imo!

29 and really wanting to start, but my face keeps discouraging me and eating my self-steem.

Do you think I have any hopes? (really ugly photos)

https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-C0_kj1zS95U/UAlkp3y5IQI/AAAAAAAABIA/ffYt1Xv7zsE/s640/_MG_3650.jpg

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1gPYEUE571s/UBI9wE6weRI/AAAAAAAABJo/4zfaW0x9R_o/s669-c-k/2012%2B09%253A05%253A33.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/9shjA.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/kLWzx.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/VG3xm.jpg

EVERYONE has hope. 'mones are pretty magical. The right hair, clothes, and makeup go so much further than you can possibly believe right now. If they don't, who cares? And if you do, there's FFS. Don't let how you look 'now' stop you from being you.

Quote from: Apples
29 and really wanting to start, but my face keeps discouraging me and eating my self-steem.

Do you think I have any hopes? (really ugly photos)

I think you'll do fine. you have the body, slender narrow hips/ shoulders and you dont have a big brow ridge or very angular chin. I think you'll look great

Quote from: Apples on July 31, 2012, 03:58:47 AM
29 and really wanting to start, but my face keeps discouraging me and eating my self-steem.

Do you think I have any hopes? (really ugly photos)

OMG Apples.  The way you've been talking about yourself, I thought you looked like this:



You don't.  Stop putting yourself down.

You have more than "hopes."

Looks like a good start to me..

Heck, I waited until I was 34 to start.. And I think I'm doing OK so far..

My biggest complaint is that my combination of deep eyes, low brows and prominent brow always cause me a gigantic shadow on my eyes as can be seeno n the first photograph when the light is over me. I don't know if by trimming the brows on the lower part or covering the dark places with corrector I could fix it a bit. I will need some help with make up. If I could increase the distance between eyes and brows...




As for the bead, I don't want to start with it until my dysphoria is confirmed. I've been holding on shaving since tomorrow I need to see the therapist and I bleed easily on consecutive shavings.

Only YOU can confirm your dysphoria: don't wait for some psychologist or therapist to tell you how you feel.

Honestly, I'm thinking about printing everything I've been saying here and using it as guideline. Expressing it on the internet is fairly easy, but talking about it is more difficult. The biggest issue is that depending on the moment and mood I may go back to the "make me straight" mode. Still fluctuating about if this is the right thing to do. I tend to be discouraged very easily when I find a difficulty.

Apples,

I think you will be a lot better than you think. Take a look at other people's before and after pictures: you will be amazed!!!!

You do have what it takes, trust me! :-)

Go for it and good luck!
Andrea

Quote from: Apples on August 01, 2012, 09:59:39 AM
Honestly, I'm thinking about printing everything I've been saying here and using it as guideline. Expressing it on the internet is fairly easy, but talking about it is more difficult. The biggest issue is that depending on the moment and mood I may go back to the "make me straight" mode. Still fluctuating about if this is the right thing to do. I tend to be discouraged very easily when I find a difficulty.

Seriously do that. I wrote down a lot of my thoughts before I went to my therapy sessions. Writing things down helps me clarify my thinking, even though I do this as a profession!


Don't go in there looking to be fixed: go in looking to just talk things through.

What I don't like a lot is that they also want me to see a psychiatrist. I hope they don't try to shove me some sort of "be straight" pill.


Anyways, currently in freak out mode, as every night.

Quote from: Apples on August 01, 2012, 12:42:26 PM
What I don't like a lot is that they also want me to see a psychiatrist. I hope they don't try to shove me some sort of "be straight" pill.


Anyways, currently in freak out mode, as every night.

My therapist IS a psychiatrist.. And he's never suggest that I'm anything other than trans. And he cerainly didn't recommend 'some sort of "be straight" pill'.. There's no such thing. As someone who only deals with gender issues, he has never tried to push me in any direction - other than the one I wanted to go in..

Thanks,  I hope it is like this. Since it also means talking about a lot of bad memories, my mood can change completely. This morning I was quite happy, but now it's back to down mode. Ever since she removed the lid of my memory, I keep switching moods depending on what I remember. I wrote a bit on the therapy board about the last one and my thoughts on today's second one.

Any competent psych will simply help you ask yourself the right questions and suggest places within yourself you might look for answers.  We are the ones who basically diagnose ourselves, as GID is so subjective and varies so much in how it manifests itself in our lives.

If they try to force you to do anything they are no good.  And there is no way to undo GID.

Karen.

I wonder how long it will take. I lost hair quickly, so If this does not start on a few months, I could have a complete male pattern baldness for the moment I can start. If they tell my it will be two years, I don't know what I will do...


I'm starting with the basics in the meantime, but the clothing is going to pose a real problem. Since I live with my parents, unless I tell them that I am a crossdresser (and bi), I have no way of using the common washing machine without exposing myself, less drying clothes, so I'm kinda stuck. My mother will never accept this (she has NEVER accepted anything, not even the common truth).