I have several close friends, however, I think that I could certainly use a few more. 

I think that the sad truth is many of us are forced into social interaction early on and make friends and school, daycare, neighborhood playgrounds, etc and don't really get in the habit of going out of our way to do so later on. Especially if you don't get along with people at work, it can be rather difficult.

Tekla, I was really disappointed in your reply!

Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 07:51:07 AM
I don't see why I couldn't be friends with a cop.

In LA the cops used to say "just arrest him, we'll find out what he is guilty of later."  And to no small degree, its' true.  And that's why people don't want to hang with cops, somewhere/somehow they are doing something illegal.

And, like the job itself, the good ones are lumped together with the really foul ones.

THATS NOT TRUE! I can't believe that statement. We cannot just arrest some one and find out later if they are guilty! We cannot arrest anyone with out probable cause! We must have probable cause and reasonable suspicion beyond reasonable doubt to arrest someone. There is also alot of paperwork that goes into an arrest, its not just cuff up and go to jail. People don't want to hang out with cops because maybe somewhere somehow they are doing something illegal or wrong. If your not doing anything wrong why worry.

Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
I always thought that most cops hung out with other cops.  Like criminals tend to hang with criminals.  Like for someone in a gang that gang becomes 100% of their social life.  Because the cops are (at least over here) just another gang (with all the same gang rules in effect - Thin Blue Line/Blue Wall and all that), they are just the gang we hire to protect us all from the other gangs.  And cops and criminals have far more in common than your average 9-5er has in common with either.  And, like gangs and criminals, outsiders are really, really not welcome or wanted around.  And once you find that out it might make people more reluctant to form friendships as they would be limited.

Yes most cops hang out with cops , like most barbers hang out with barbers and so forth. They hang out with each other to share common interests and have friends and people who understand. Just like us here in Susan's.  But they do have friends and family outside the job. The force does not become 100% of their social life. We volunteer at school functions, we coach yours and our kids sports teams, we go bowling, we like baseball games with friends, etc... We live normal lives too! Tekla Cops are not just another gang, we especially don't have rules like the gangs do! Thin blue line / blue wall is a memorial program to honor those officers that have fallen in the line of duty serving and protecting you and yours.  how is that even associated with gang activity??? We are not a gang you hire to protect you from other gangs, that isn't our job! We are hired to protect the public,the  innocent, lives and property. That sometimes even includes the gangs they are public too! unfortunately. We are not your body guards to protect you from a gang, though I would take a bullet for you. We DO NOT have anything in common with criminals/gangs, we have more in common with reg 9-5ers! we go to work and do our jobs, then go home, that's it! Outsiders? really?  Your from LA you mentioned right? The LAPD is not a gang by no means, they are a leader in law enforcement. The LAPD cops walk the beat that most cops wont! They serve and protect the one of the toughest city in the U.S. they deal with the worse crime and worst people than most agencies deal with in a year.  They patrol a war zone of gangs and violence! The average Joe doesn't understand what they go through on a day to day basis. Then there is the other percent such as your self who thinks even worse of us!

Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
But, lots, and lots, most maybe - close to all? - of people have had dealings with the police, and often at the wrong end of the nightstick or traffic ticket.  And, unlike stagehands, rock stars, and record company lizards, that cop has the ability to profoundly change your life - and not for the better.

True! people usually don't interact with cops unless something bad has happened or a traffic stop. But really? the wrong end of the nightstick? i think you've been watching too many Rodney King videos on youtube! Most cops will not pull out their baton or any other weapon unless they feel there is a danger to their lives or others!  Traffic ticket, hmmm.... you wouldn't be getting that ticket if you were obeying the law, so who's fault is that really? Your right the cop does have some power and authority, but he/she does not have the ability to change your life profoundly for the worse, that falls on yourself based on your decisions and actions. Only you can make the decision to profoundly change your life.  For example on the traffic ticket thing, It was you that decided to be irresponsible and speed,  so it was your own decision process, that decided the ticket was worth the risk or that you are to smart to get caught! Our "to protect " doesn't only mean protect you from others, it also means to protect you from yourself! People make bad decisions,and sometime we have to step in and stop that decision. For example Let say you weren't stopped and ticketed and you sped, you crash because you weren't able to stop in time to avoid the collision, you kill some one! Again, the ability to change your life was based on your decisions. We had to protect you from continuing with that dum decision to protect a life, so we stopped you and gave you a traffic ticket, so you can maybe make a better decision next time.  We  also as police officers must  follow our laws,policies, rules and regs when we come in contact with the public and the situation. It all comes down to people don't like rules and being told what to do! 

Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
Heck, the reps of most cops would go up 100% if the police association could stop college towns from hiring guys who were just too much of a dick-head to be a stagehand, so they 'police' students instead.  Lots of people leave college with a profoundly lowered opinion of law enforcement due to their college-town experiences with the town cops.  (BTW, that's nothing new, 'Town and Gown' Riots go way, way, way back in history.)

Hiring aw yes! Hiring is really hard and police departments have a bad turn over! You and I are actually really lucky that ->-bleeped-<- got hired and is out there serving and protecting us. We don't just hire anyone, the hiring process is long and horrible, not to mention the academy. Think about it there is not many people who are lining up to be yelled at, spit on, assaulted, disrespected, name called, threatened, Shot at, deal with stress, frustration, also when working the jail, risk for being taken hostage,raped,stabbed, thrown feces and urine at and be on call and ready for it 24/365. Cops are a very select few people who are willing to go through all that to keep their community and family safe themselves.  College kids will be just that kids! College town police deal with alot of  immaturity. Your right riots go back in history but it really isn't the police fault, we just get called out to control it.

Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
And, of course it's not 'all' cops - not by any means.  But in some situations its' 99% of them (like the college-town cops).  I lived for years in a small town.  One cop.  He'd come around the Malibu Lounge (the only bar in town, odd name for the middle of Iowa) round about 1:30 every night and take the keys away from those who should not drive home and put them in the patrol car and drive them home and get the keys back to them in the morning, or drop 'em off with the wife.  I never had a problem, I lived two blocks away.  But I always liked that - that's both protecting and serving.  Unlike the ones here in Santa Rosa who just wait outside the bars at 2am.  It's just a small town thing.  I also never have problems with Oakland/Chicago/NYC/San Francisco cops.  Big city cops rarely hassle people, they have real crime to deal with.  Five kids with a six pack on the beach is not going to be a big deal.  If your wrong you get busted or beat - either way - and it's professional.  They tell you to 'MOVE IT!' - you're moving.   But the ones in the middle.  The ones particularly in suburban towns - yikes! 

So yeah, it's true of all jobs, but the police have a huge outreach (in usually profoundly dismal situations) that few other professions can touch.

That one cop was really nice and went totally out of his way to save peoples lives! But he is wrong and stupid! His actions could have got him in lots of trouble, he could have gotten in a fight,or another situation, could of even lost his job over it. In his intent to prevent trouble he was also looking for trouble. Drunk people are hard to deal with and someone coming to take your keys, especially a cop would cause some people to get upset! people don't think straight when they are drunk. I am glad he is ok,. Plus that is beyond the call of duty and the liability issues ar crazy! We are not allowed to give rides in our patrol cars! unless you are a detainee or a special circumstance that was approved by a supervisor! Giving rides like that is a liability to the department and would not be covered by our insurance. "But I always liked that - that's both protecting and serving." how?  this is such a selfish thought! protecting what? you from being irresponsible? wow, I didn't know I was responsible for other people irresponsibility's! Serving what as taxi cabs?  "Unlike the ones here in Santa Rosa who just wait outside the bars at 2am."  <- this is protecting and serving, watch one source of DUI's, follow the suspicious ones, its not my job to make the decision for you! "  It's just a small town thing." NO, its not! I am a small town cop!

Quote from: tekla on December 18, 2011, 11:30:25 AM
  I also never have problems with Oakland/Chicago/NYC/San Francisco cops.  Big city cops rarely hassle people, they have real crime to deal with.  Five kids with a six pack on the beach is not going to be a big deal.  If your wrong you get busted or beat - either way - and it's professional.  They tell you to 'MOVE IT!' - you're moving.   But the ones in the middle.  The ones particularly in suburban towns - yikes! 

So yeah, it's true of all jobs, but the police have a huge outreach (in usually profoundly dismal situations) that few other professions can touch.

And who makes personal calls from work anymore?  Doesn't everyone have their own phone that they are using?

Big city Cops rarely hassle people because they are extremely busy going to call after call after call! The calls are usually stupid and prevent us from dealing with real crime. They don't hassle you because they have to prioritize calls and situations. Your right five kids on the beach is not going to be a big deal, but once they go get more beer or bet stupid and fight or then its a big deal. things escalate quickly! to some cops that's preventative measures to go deal with those five kids before they get hurt or killed.  If your wrong of course your gonna get busted! beat??? only if you are a threat to me! being uncooperative and taken down is not a beating its  having to do what you got to do to control a situation. My department is big we have cities, suburbs and small towns! I have worked in them all. I am currently small town cop! 

corruption is part of the real world and is in every job just not police.

One of my friends is a cop.  I used to hang out with him, just lost touch over the past couple years (nothing to do with him being a cop).  I've been meaning to get with him to go on another ride along.

The bad old days of nasty cops is over here. They are usually really nice, well adjusted people. I don't think of them as anything other than a protecting presence.

They are also annoying buggers who always give me driving fines.

It must be awful to be a cop in America. I'd shoot everyone if I was one there. I wanked off a guy who used to be a cop in Sydney and he said he had post traumatic stress syndrome from it. From being a cop, not my hand job. 

He was a military veteran too but he said being shot at while he was in a tank was fine.

JennyCop, bravo. Typing from my phone right now, but I just gotta say thank you to you and your coworkers for doing the hardest job possible. Underappreciated, yes. Seeing my buddy go through the academy and hearing some of the crap he deals with has given me much respect for law enforcement.

That said, I wanted to comment on people not hanging out with cops for fear that they're doing something wrong when they're not. I've seen this and I don't understand it. People will be cruising along the highway at the speed limit then slam their breaks as they pass a highway patrol cruiser. Its terrible but it seems to me that the general public assume cops are out there to make a "quota" and just make the public's life hell. I can relate it to what we as transpeople have to deal with: in light of all the crap you get, all the trouble and hard times you deal with. Why would you go through that, put yourself in the line of fire just to hassle people who aren't doing anything wrong?

I know there's a lot of ->-bleeped-<-s out there who go into law enforcement, but there's a huge amount of pride in there as well, doing the right thing for the sake of the public. The way I see it, that's the majority and a few bad apples say nothing about the tree they came from. That's all I've got. Good luck to you JennyC, I probably don't live near you or I'd gladly be your friend.

I'll give this the time it deserves when I get to Vegas, but for now a couple of things at the start jump off the page.

We cannot just arrest some one and find out later if they are guilty!

Ummm, that's exactly what you are doing.  All you can do is arrest.  That's it.  Guilt is determined by 'We the People' - or at the very least a judge.  And that always happens 'later' - much later.  And we both know lots and lots of arrests are not even prosecuted for a bunch of different reasons.  But that's not a police choice either, that's the DA, who is an elected official.  And people are arrested all the time just to get them off the street for a while, or because the local paper/political type is hot and heavy on crime and they want to pad their figures, or to give the police time to figure out what is/was really going on and hopefully make one of those 'righteous busts' that get you promotions.  Or 'attitude' - as in they had one and the police didn't like it.   And those resulting charges, 'failure to follow orders', 'disorderly conduct' or any of that bogus stuff that's not even going to make it past the DAs office, much less court, still might buy enough time to find some real charges to file.  And, while it's not each and every citizen of LA that is suspect - it still most of them.  Particularly the young, Blacks and Latinos, white kids who 'don't fit in' or who are doing some counter-cultural deal.  DWB, DWM, DWH (Driving While Black, Mexican, Hippie) are pretty common.  And all the probable cause you need is you saying 'driving erratically', or 'improper lane change', or whatever.  It's not the original charge they care about.  They just want an opportunity to troll the car and see what shakes out.



People don't want to hang out with cops because maybe somewhere somehow they are doing something illegal or wrong.

It's not all that hard to break the law in the US, because there are so many of them.  They might be aware of it, like the enourmous trade in illegal drugs, or it just might be one of those, as you said: maybe somewhere somehow they stepped over the line, or didn't do something, or forgot, or didn't file - whatever.  All that kind of responsible stuff people have to concern themselves with most of the time.  Who wants that to invade what little down-time we get?  Who wants to 'relax' while having to constantly think about what the right thing to say is?  And, even if I'm not breaking the law (at the current time), I do have some outlaw friends of mine who I'm pretty sure are, and I know they are not going to want to be around Five-O while we're sitting around.

And you only need concern yourself with 'something illegal' - what is right/wrong for anyone other than yourself and family is a decision you are not empowered to make, or concern yourself with.



If your not doing anything wrong why worry.

Do you understand the nasty stench statements like this raise in the noses of free men and free women everywhere?  (But particularly here in the US.)  That's why our Founding Fathers added in all that Bill of Rights stuff about search and seizure, warrants, double jeopardy, right to a jury trial, right to face your accuser, and the rest, because they didn't trust the police powers of the government, and didn't want the police powers used with a casual 'well if your not doing anything wrong you have nothing to worry about.'  You ought to be ashamed as an American Citizen, one whose freedom was bought most dearly by others, to say such a thing.  An official of the government - an armed one at that - telling people such things is a huge worry to any of us who are extremely concerned with the direction this nation is headed in, and the ever growing list of freedoms that have been dissolving in the name of 'security'.

And, speaking of freedoms, I've got a plane to catch. 

Currently I am on my break and can't respond, but man o man is this going to be a can of worms I opened when Teklas tidal wave hits! I can feel it!

Can of worms As this go more to a job evaluation . Must say i Have some background not as a LEO but close , its a strange profession many have no idea how frustrating it can be,peeling kids of the street who being run down by a DUI ,street punk arrested after much trouble and a judge let him go.As there bosses have a political job make it not easier .And the occasional bad apple .
After this you are stopped, and are asked friendly to show some paperwork but she/he is on a short fuse.Long hours, low pay, and conflicting orders don't help to relax.And not to forget the other agencies that over rule and boss in.
WE are lucky the normal police is doing some work and not spend there time covering there asses as politicians do.
   
Wishing all here the best in there lives and that we find some REAL friends.

Hi Jenny,

First of all, I think you look like a lovely woman and I must say, I'm surprised that you don't have a lot of friends. That said, please allow me to explain my experience with friends...

As a male, I lived most of my 50 plus years with very few close friends (my lovely wife not included of course). But after recently coming out to the world as the woman I am, I have made more friends than I thought possible. The vast majority of these friends are female as I am much more comfortable with them than males and I have met them at my Female "Business Networking " groups.

So just an idea - check out some networking groups or even "Meetup". Again, you seem like a very lovely person and I'm sure if you look, you'll be overwhelmed with new friends.

Best of luck and have a fantastic New Year!

Caisie,
Thank you for the compliments, always appreciated! also your suggestions are wonderful. I think my problem is that I am just really shy and not very outgoing. I have to work on that! again thank you and happy new year to you too!

Quote from: Cindi Jones on December 13, 2011, 11:46:19 pm

It must feel so lonely. Don't you know anyone who you might consider being a friend? Don't give up.

Cindi

QuoteIt does feel so lonely! My career choice doesn't help either, no one wants to be friends with a cop! I walked across my hometown the other day not one hi or hello. The streets were crowded but it felt like I was the only one here on this planet! I walked across town maybe five miles! No I don't know anyone here in my current town that i could be friends with as me. Out of town I have two best friends that I have had since I was like 8 but they live in other cities. Then being trans scares people away, its so stupid!

Meet the exception. There's not a cop in my town who doesn't know me. I've never been in any sort of trouble. I just wave to them and talk to them every chance I get. My neighbors on boh sides are in law enforcement. They are great neighbors and we are always helping each other out. Don't give up!

Cindi

Yay! I have a real in person friend now and shes Trans!  I think you all might know this special person, Her name is Serena Lynn.  We got to meet and hang out together the other day. It was amazing, there are no words to explain the day we had.  I dont feel as lonely anymore, I think I have found my BFF!

Thank you to all of my online friends for the support as well. I hope I get to meet each one of you some day!

Quote from: Jen-Jen on July 28, 2012, 09:31:37 AM
Yay! I have a real in person friend now and shes Trans!  I think you all might know this special person, Her name is Serena Lynn.  We got to meet and hang out together the other day. It was amazing, there are no words to explain the day we had.  I dont feel as lonely anymore, I think I have found my BFF!

Thank you to all of my online friends for the support as well. I hope I get to meet each one of you some day!

Never alone anymore hun. It was a amazing day that's for sure! I can't wait for our next girls day! Best friends forever! Like I said before we so need matching necklaces! 

 Miss you girlfriend! <3 

yeaaaa happiness comes to some here at susans yeaaaa

 I'm not sure if I want real friends. I'm broke, after all...

If I weren't, it might be fun. I still don't have enough experience with having friends to know if it actually would be or not.

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on July 28, 2012, 01:39:38 PM
I'm not sure if I want real friends. I'm broke, after all...

If I weren't, it might be fun. I still don't have enough experience with having friends to know if it actually would be or not.

Some of my best memories are of me and my friends trying to find money for food or just shoplifting it, we didnt have anything, but friendship was still very enjoyable. Looking back on it we all took horrible risks and not all of us broke out of the poverty that we were stuck in, but it was an important time in my life that I think of fondly.

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on July 28, 2012, 01:39:38 PM
I'm not sure if I want real friends. I'm broke, after all...

If I weren't, it might be fun. I still don't have enough experience with having friends to know if it actually would be or not.

Friends are important.  We weren't meant to live solitary lives.

Blog entry: The value of friendship

all my friends seemed to be people who needed something from me as i freely gave it too them. Call me the lil red hen.. i plant the seeds and grow the seeds and harvest the plants and cann it and then people want to come by and enjoy it or even come by and take it to their home to share with their friends 

 I have kissed a lot of frogs, as the cliché goes. I am perhaps just very discouraged by my lack of success, especially in finding a friend that doesn't spend money or do many favours for me - as those who do generally expect reciprocity, and while favours are fine, I don't have the money to spend. Therefore, sourness and resentment arises, and immediately sunders the relationship. Most of the time.

And then there's the finding friends that actually click with me bit. That part's easier, but it's still interesting finding a proper cynical sociopath that's actually a kind and supportive person at heart.

I'm sure that friends are important... after all, people wouldn't always be talking about how awesome they were if they weren't!

It is worth noting, though, that some people, due to whatever mental or consequential condition, can lead very fulfilling lives without friendship. Many fail to realize the point or value, or have difficulty to the point of friendship being forced, or a ritual. Human beings in general may require friends, but human beings, when you take a closer look, only require friends most of the time.

Human beings are, after all, amazing at thwarting generalizations. It's really breathtaking if you look at it in the right light.

I presently wonder what connection there is between a sense of community and a need for friendship. Is it a direct correlation, perhaps? Does not having a sense of community, or not having much of one, in turn nullify or reduce the need or desire for friendship and friends? Or perhaps it's the reverse, and having friends is what determines whether one has a sense of community or not...

To reach the answer would be no fun. Thinking of the question is far more enjoyable.

Quote from: Jen-Jen on December 14, 2011, 12:30:10 AM
I watched this video and it makes me so sad and completly lonely! I wish I had real ( in person) friends I could hang out with and just be silly!

I feel the same way hon. I have friends on the internet but no one close by I can visit or hang out with.  I also feel venerable to go out alone although I do very occasionally go to concerts on my own if there's band or singer I really want to go and see.