So I am full time, all my documents are changed to my new name and gender, and I am 5 months post op. However, I am still dealing with a sort of future loss of my family. Having completed transition, I am saying goodbye to the people who raised me. No more Thanksgivings or Christmases with them. No more homemade soup or summers at the cabin or
I probably will not see my little cousins, including my goddaugther, grow up. My Grandpa, who would be against my change the most, who made sure I had everything I needed, and then some, as a kid, who put me through university, who taught me to ride a bike, can never see me again. My dad is 70 and still works seven days a week. He is a heavy smoker and may only last a few more years. I will not likely be able to say a proper goodbye or go to his funeral.
I can't come around them anymore. My hair is too long, my voice is too high, and a BA is hard to hide even in the baggiest of clothing. I am so glad that I have been given the chance to be done transition and be post op at the young age of 23. I guess the price hasn't hit me until now. My Mom will still be around when she's not working, and but she will have to answer the questions when the rest of the family asks where I am. I can't risk showing them the real me. It's not fair to them to put them through that, and it's not fair to me to face the rejection. I'd rather hide, and Mom agrees this is the best thing to do too. They aren't religious, they just have firm morals.
I was never overly close with the family, but without them I would not be where I am today. I guess I'm trying to process how I should go forward. What if Mom or Dad or Grandpa die within the next few months? How can I thank them for what they did but still keep myself and the rest of the group sane? Any thoughts, wisdom, stories? I hate to be a downer, but like I say, I have been so obsessed with my physical transition that I totally overlooked these details. Now they are all that remain for me to overcome, if possible.

 It sounds like you are saying you transitioned but have not told anyone or showed them who you are.  Is this the case?

Ice, you are certainly old enough to make informed decisions about how you deal with your family.


However, understand there are alternatives. People change their views. People can be educated. And families can surprise people by being accepting.


Do what you think is right, but just realize you have an alternative. You can try to educate them. Picking up the notion that Trans people have no choice about being Trans, that there is nothing immoral about living in a body that reflects your true self, that transition is an effective treatment for gender dysphoria, none of that is rocket science.


Even if, in the end, some of them prove ineducable and you need to cut off all contact without those particular members, you'll at least know you tried.


I hope fear or shame has no part in your decision. Your family can't do anything to you, so you have no reason to fear letting them know about your transition. And, of course, transitioning is something to be proud of, having the courage to deal with issues that many people run from for decades.


Good luck Icephoenyx

Wow, you managed a full transition without telling your family?

I mean, realize I'm not in your shoes, but I do think it would be best to tell them. I'm absolutely dreading telling my father, and I am putting it off until I've begun HRT, but I'm pretty sure once he's had time to get over the anger and confusion, he'll accept me.

I hope so, anyway.

That is a hard decision

Yes, I did cut off most ties to my family right before I started transition, but clearly I wouldn't recommend it.

hey ice our situation are similar...i managed to go through transition without my relatives knowing, well perhaps dad n mom are the exception...and i miss my grandma, knowing that i can never see her again...and if she dies i can't even be seen either. now that's really upsetting.

but i would respectfully disagree with agfrommd on one pt -- even without trying you know some people can't accept you, and it might be just the best thing to keep them in the dark...and yes there is fear...fear that going public may not only affect you, but the people you care about as well.