I have never written about this before because it's so mortifying. Let's say you were a lifelong bookworm and defined a great deal of your self, your identity, even your character, by your love of books. You chose a profession based on your love of books and language. And then, let's say, you had a catastrophic brain injury and found that you didn't like to read anymore. How would you feel? How would you redefine yourself? Would you even be willing to?
Just so the pre-T guys know, I think it's possible for T to change your brain so much that you don't care much about reading anymore. Maybe this is just an "adolescent" phase I'm going through--younger boys as well as teenage boys do have certain reading issues--but I don't like fiction anymore AT ALL, and I can barely read nonfiction if I force myself.
It's like...I don't even see the point of fiction anymore, and I have no patience with it. I can get through short stories if I have to, but I don't enjoy them. I don't even like biography and autobiography anymore, perhaps because many of those books are structured a lot like novels and have a recognizable story arc.
I have a much better experience with nonfiction in general; however, the thought of reading a whole book, any book, seems like such a trial now. I can do it if I have to, but I find all sorts of excuses not to. Frankly, I don't want to read anything that is more than a few pages long. Fortunately, my students' essays are usually in the range of 500-1500 words, depending on the class.
I am still grieving over this peculiar change in my life. I have lost an important--no, an absolutely ESSENTIAL--aspect of who I am, who I was. I feel as if I'm not me anymore. I was a reader, a serious reader, a bookworm, a collector. Now I have these books, probably thousands of them, and I frequently think of simply getting rid of most of them. They are not important anymore. They are just taking up space.
And, yes, I see the ridiculous irony of being an English professor who doesn't like to read.