Im new here
and need alot advice one how to tell my parents that Im trans
any advice
PLEASE

Hello, Zelda.  A good start would be to read through the topics in this forum.

I dont know what to tell you? My mom caught me when I was little on more than a few occasions and said she always knew I was the gay. So I let her settle into that and then wrote her a letter the next day. I told her their was no rush in reading it but that she really needed to. My dad on the other had did not cone around until after I James the rifle when trying to use my toe to shoot myself in the mouth at 12. I really don't recommend that one as its a miracle that it James and did not kill me. Bit then after that the therapist was also of some help. But yeah a letter works. And just don't come home for a few hours and be ready for questions

Hi Zelda,

First of all, sending hugs and vibes your way. If you're anything like me then this is probably the scariest part of coming out for you. I don't know your parents, but from my experience, the best advice I can give you is this: Don't build yourself up emotionally to where everything depends on how they react the first time you tell them. Even if they are scared and unwilling to accept what you're telling them, it doesn't mean they'll never be able to accept it. It takes time and patience. In the meantime, be prepared and know who you can go to for emotional support if they take it badly at first. That could mean a close friend IRL or, if you haven't come out to any of your friends, an online community like this one. Above all remember that they're your parents and unless there is something seriously wrong with them they will eventually learn to accept you for who you are.

Actually, something someone probably should have asked from the get-go: Are you still living with your parents or financially dependent on them?

Im living with them and have one year of high school left
what does IRL mean
I have trade to kill my self multiple times over the whole issue
still have the thoughts
and I have started to cutting
I have trapped everything in side me for about 13 years
because my parents are what I call no gay friendly
they think everone that is lesbo gay bi or trans is sinning and should change

Quote from: zelda on August 13, 2012, 02:57:30 AM
Im living with them and have one year of high school left
what does IRL mean
I have trade to kill my self multiple times over the whole issue
still have the thoughts
and I have started to cutting
I have trapped everything in side me for about 13 years
because my parents are what I call no gay friendly
they think everone that is lesbo gay bi or trans is sinning and should change

Zelda, let's talk frankly.  Your trans issues are part of your greater problems, and you need to work on all of these.

If you are having thoughts about hurting yourself, whether it's cutting, or suicide, you need to talk to a professional.  The support you will get here may not be adequate to your needs.  Myself, or another moderator will be back with some links and telephone numbers for you, to use in a crisis.

By your screen name, I assume you are a male-bodied person who feels the need to feminize.  That is not "sinful."  It is something you need to explore with a therapist.  And, if you are like me, and many others here, the "dysphoria" you are feeling is causing you depression.

Here is what I want you to do.  If you are insured, or in a country that has socialized medical services, seek out a local counselor. You may need to tell your parents if you are a minor.  You might be able to get a referral from a school nurse, or a local health clinic, or your county health services.  But it is important to talk with a professional.

It may start as dealing with depression, but it can grow into gender counseling, and the beginning of a journey to becoming a new you.  But we have to make sure you don't further hurt yourself.  Okay?

You have friends here who understand.

Quote from: Arch on December 21, 2011, 07:58:15 PM
If you are feeling suicidal and need help, please remember that the members at Susan's are not trained for such an emergency. A suicide hotline can save your life.

The information below is accurate to the best of my knowledge; do notify me if you find a mistake. These resources are offered in the spirit of community. Neither Susan's nor any of its members shall be held responsible for any errors.

If you call one of the numbers and it does not work, please get the help you need from another hotline or your country's emergency number (in the U.S. and Canada, call 911; in the U.K., call 999 or 112; in Australia, call 000; in the E.U., call 112).


United States

National Suicide Prevention Hotline
English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

The Trevor Project
1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386)
For LGBTQ youth (minors and young adults).
Toll-free and available 24/7.

Kristin Brooks Hope Center
English: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA (1-800-784-2432)
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.

National Youth Crisis Hotline
1-800-442-HOPE (1-800-442-4673)
Toll-free and available 24/7.


United Kingdom and Ireland

Samaritans
UK: 08457 90 90 90
ROI: 1850 60 90 90
For anyone who is suicidal.
There may be a toll for these numbers, but they are available 24/7.


Canada

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (U.S.-based but available in Canada)
English: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Spanish: 1-888-628-9454
For anyone who is suicidal.
Toll-free and available 24/7.
TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889)

Ontario
Distress Centres Ontario maintains a list of distress lines by region. Go to http://www.dcontario.org/centres.html. These numbers appear to be toll-free if you call from inside the designated area.

Québec—Montréal (Suicide Action Montréal)
514-723-4000
Toll-free if you call from the same zone; available 24/7.

Québec—Outside Montréal (Suicide Action Montréal)
1-866-277-3553 (1-800-APPELLE)
Toll-free and available 24/7.

New Brunswick (CHIMO Helpline)
1-800-667-5005
Toll-free provincial helpline is available 24/7.

Alberta (Distress Line of Southwestern Alberta)
403-327-7905
Toll-free if you are in the same zone; 24/7.


Australia

Lifeline
13 11 14
Charged as a local call; toll-free for mobile phones; available 24/7.

Samaritans
1-800-198 -313
Toll-free but may not be available 24/7.
08-9381-5555
Available 24/7 but may not be free.

Suicide Call Back Service
1300-659-467
Charged as a local call; available 24/7.


International

Go to www.befrienders.org and choose "International." A drop-down menu allows you to choose your country and find a helpline. In the United States, you get a further drop-down menu that allows you to choose by state.

Or go to http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html and scroll down until you find your country's link.

yeah i really think you should see a shrink girl. because cutting scars last a life time. and freash ones are hard to hide. if your parents/teacher see them you the risk of getting commited or other risk.

Hi Zelda, it's nice to meet you. Remember that asking for help is usually the path of least resistance. We all understand what's going on, and we're here for you. Hugs, Devlyn

I'm back, Zelda.

If you are in the US or Canada, you can use the Psychology Today online "Find a Therapist" service.

Go here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/

And then press the "Find a Therapist" button, to get the drop down menu, and to get started.  If you are in another country, we can try to help you find something similar.

i think I need to talk to a pro also
but that would invole telling my parents first
and I feel so uncomfertable about doing so

If you aren't comfortable talking to your parents about your gender dysphoria (and from what you said it sounds like they are not necessarily in a place to be very understanding about that), then at least you can seek help for your depression. If they have noticed any of your emotional problems then they should accept the necessity of you getting counseling. Just remember--if you're not in a place yet where you can be yourself, your job is to take care of yourself so that you can take advantage of it when you are.

I agree, PrincessL.

There is a time and a place to come out. But seeking help with the depression immediately is very important.

"I need to see someone about this depression," is really all the parents need to know to start.

they dont know I have any problems
I hide them from my parents
I keep all of it inside untill they arent looking then i cry my heart out
I keep the problems from them so we dont get into a long hard uncomferting conversation on the subject
Im afraid they will not accept it and try to change my mind

Hi zelda,

Just a suggestion. It always sounds better when it comes from someone else.

If you can arrange your school counselor or a local health professional to contact your parents. I'm assuming your are currently at school or college.

Your school counselor may be concerned about your grades, has detected a level of depression that needs to be seen to.

You local health professional, has observed you and concerned about the depression you are experiencing.

If they don't work, perhaps a trusted family friend. You need to be the one who trusts them.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I keep my problems to my self here
I try to hold myself together
so no one knows I have problems

how would me texting my dad at work wail Im at school be

Hi Zelda,
IRL means 'in real life', by the way.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Many of us, myself included, had some very difficult years when we felt all alone with our problems.

My family was very religious and very conservative, and they were taught that being trans was about the worst thing a person could be, so I was afraid to tell them and didn't until years later when I actually began to live in my true gender. They are very accepting now, and are sorry than when I was young that I didn't feel like it would be safe to tell them about my feelings and was afraid they would reject me and kick me out if I had told them. People do change, and families often do come around, but it can take time. Sometimes it isn't until you are out of the home and on your own that parents stop having that idea that it is their duty to 'keep you safe from sin'. If you are seeing a therapist and going to school or holding down a job, it helps them realize that you are grown and capable of making major decisions on your own. It is much easier for many parents to hear from an expert that their child has a treatable medical condition (like gender identity disorder or gender dysphoria), than to hear from their child that their child wants to do something the parents have been taught is a sin.

Right now parents' job is to love you, guide you, and help you grow up safe and healthy and able to live a happy life on your own. You can help them do their job by starting to be more open about your depression and unhappiness. Even if you aren't ready to tell them the reasons why you think you feel this way (and believe me, I know many kids who aren't transgender who have no idea why they are depressed, sometimes it just comes with the territory of being young and alive, so you don't have to come out to get help) you need to let them see how much you are hurting inside, so that they can get you the help you need.
Like in my family, when one member had suicidal thoughts and self-destructive stuff, she ended up getting help through a psychiatrist that the pastor referred us to, but if she had kept it all bottled up inside, she would have died. Cutting and suicidal thoughts are symptoms of a medical problem, depression. You need to get that problem treated so that you have the strength inside to deal with all of your other stuff.

No matter how judgmental your family may seem to you now, they would be devastated, and the whole world would suffer a terrible loss, if you were to be lost because of suicide. I have friends who lost a sister or brother and they never got over the pain of it. We all need you Zelda. You have talents and a personality that is unique and valuable, and you have no idea right now what a wonderful difference you are going to make in many people's lives when you are older, or how important you are to them now.
Hugs,
MadelineB

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
I keep my problems to my self here
I try to hold myself together
so no one knows I have problems

how would me texting my dad at work wail Im at school be

That will lead to the discussion you are, at the moment, dreading.

Go see your school nurse or guidance counselor and tell them you are depressed and need help.  They are obligated to act.  You do not need out yourself.

Hi Zelda

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
I keep my problems to my self here

That is very destructive behaviour. It helps NO ONE. Least of all you. If you continue it WILL seriously effect your health and wellbeing. It will make you sick, in a serious way.

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
I try to hold myself together

You may be able to do that now. It is impossible to do it long term. The longer you do it; the more harm you do to yourself, and the longer it takes to heal yourself.

Please see your college nurse or counselor and talk about your depression. There is no need at the moment to talk about your gender issues. Your counselor can professionally tell your parents, there is a need for you to see a therapist for your depression. This should not upset your parents. It should have the opposite effect.

Quote from: zelda on August 14, 2012, 02:14:13 AM
how would me texting my dad at work wail Im at school be

I would think it to be of little use, as he would not understand what is going on. As you have said "No one knows I have problems" Your father would be more attentive if the counselor spoke to him.

As others have said. It is important you deal with this now.

So keep in touch and let us know how you are coping.

Be safe, well and happy
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

I would like to add that school counsellors see students deal with depression and self harm all the time. They won't judge you for it and they will have access to information that will be of use to you.
Being able to ask for help is a strength.