Let me rephrase this since I don't think there is enough space on the subject line to properly word it. Every time I read a story about someone getting their T letter it is two extremes. Either the person had to go through an insanely long period of waiting, or they got it almost on their first visit. Rarely do I see middle ground. Maybe I'm just seeing things lol
There's this kid on YouTube though. I think he's 16. And he is already on T. I'm very happy for him, so don't get me wrong when I say this but it sort of rubs me the wrong way that a 16 year old in GEORGIA (Go figure) can get on T, before even turning 18 and myself, (20) has to wait probably a year before my therapist gives me that letter.

It's like 50 bucks every visit and I've already had 3 visits. 2 of them were for the one I'm seeing now. And I don't want my mom wasting any more money just so I can continue to "experiment" with therapists. It sucks. Because I don't want to start over with someone else just because I know we can't afford it.

On the bright side, I see this therapist again on Tuesday and if anyone remembers she was telling me how I have to make this plan or whatever and I had to get a job and blah blah blah. Well, I get to walk into her office and tell her I got a job! So maybe I should just ask for that T letter lol JK...I wish!

I think it depends on the attitude of the therapist towards transgender issues more generally. Those with a lot of experience know the types of questions to ask and issues to discuss, and I think they feel more comfortable giving testosterone. Then there are others who are trans-friendly, but less experienced, and have a bit more reservations regarding hormones because they want to be absolutely 100% sure that they are right.

To be honest, and this seems almost paradoxical, I also think that the experienced therapists know that they can never truly assess someone's gender identity. They realize that there are people who can and will "fudge" the answers they give to the therapist's questions. So they take people at face value. The less experienced therapists might feel they can determine someone's gender identity, through close scrutiny.

I'm not an advocate of lying to therapists, in the least, but I acknowledge that it does happen.

Quote from: edderkopp on August 16, 2012, 03:01:42 PM
I think it depends on the attitude of the therapist towards transgender issues more generally. Those with a lot of experience know the types of questions to ask and issues to discuss, and I think they feel more comfortable giving testosterone. Then there are others who are trans-friendly, but less experienced, and have a bit more reservations regarding hormones because they want to be absolutely 100% sure that they are right.

to be honest, I think the more experienced ones also realize that people can just lie, lol. And take people at face value because it is harder to know. I am NOT an advocate of lying to therapists, I think it's extremely risky, especially if someone is uncertain about their gender issues, but let's face it. It does happen. People openly admit to lying because they want their letter and don't want to be judged as not "trans enough." But I digress.

You make an excellent point! The therapist I saw before this one actually compared me to someone who would go to Mexico and get T...All this because I had a LITTLE break down at her office when she said a year of therapy lol It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I didn't know how to react. Oh welllllll...and for the record, I have no way of getting to Mexico and even if I did, I would not want to go there lol Or get T illegally. That's just stupid

I went for two months and got my letter... maybe like 7  sessions? The sixth session I took a psychological screening and then she got my results and called me disgustingly normal. She asked to use my results in seminars in reference to what a normal persons test results looked like. The only issue was gender and she told me that the test was telling her that I would function a lot better in the gender I identified with, which gave her more incentive to write my letter, I suppose because the next day I had one faxed to my doctor.

I saw my therapist for about a year and 1/2 or so before getting on T.  This was my choice however due to school and timing.  She would have likely written my letter within 3 months per the old guidelines. 

As I've been vocal about on the boards I'm on the extreme side of never getting my T, 4 years and counting! For me it hasn't been a therapist or gatekeeping problem it's been clueless GP's who don't want to actually get the ball rolling or take any responsibility for my treatment. It took me years just to find a GP who would actually refer me to a gender clinic. I even got referred for bottom surgery at one point by one idiot GP xD I got a letter from them obviously saying I didn't fit the criteria for bottom surgery which I took back to the GP and tried to explain I actually wanted a referral to start hormones and he replied with a very exasperated "you can't just take pills and become a man you know" *facepalmheaddesk*

It would be FABULOUS if they could dedicate just one lesson in med school to a basic outline of transpeople and their treamtnet. A leaflet...something! Most doctors seem to have no idea that we even exist.

A couple of months into my therapy, I knew that there was no way I could live without transitioning, even if it meant killing my 19-year relationship. The relationship was, and had been, my only real barrier for years. I know that my therapist would not have written a letter so early in my time with him, even though I was seeing him twice a week.

I still had to work up the nerve to face this decision and actually ask for the letter. I mean, transition wasn't really a decision. It was just what I had to do to stay alive. So I fought it and hated it and wanted it and needed it. I guess that went on for a couple of months. I don't think my therapist would have written the letter during this time because I was still working through my stuff.

Then, maybe about four months in, I entered a phase during which my need for transition outweighed absolutely everything. Somewhere in there, I asked for my letter, and he agreed to write it. At about the five-month mark, I called the endo to make an appointment, and my therapist wrote the letter sometime in there.

Six months and one week after I started therapy, I had my first shot.

Stewie, is this an Asian kid named Cam? He's a remarkable young man imo. Very bright-- probably in the gifted range. He has VERY supportive parents. I don't think there is anything wrong with someone starting T at 16, as I think that is going to happen more and more often now. I mean as long he has taken other steps which I think he has. He was not on puberty blockers, but if they start *really* early they wouldn't even need top surgery. BTW, I think he lives in Atlanta, so that can be like living in the north. Not really like Alabama.

But I do get your point. Some people have such a hard time, seems unfair (to those who have a hard time).

Btw, there are more people prescribed T without letters at all, they basically are read the side effects and lectured to a bit about what could go wrong. I think this is called "informed consent".

--Jay Jay

Quote from: Stewie on August 16, 2012, 03:04:29 PM
The therapist I saw before this one actually compared me to someone who would go to Mexico and get T...

lmao as if you have to go to Mexico to get illegal T. That last therapist sounds like a piece of work.

It was about four months for me, because I got sick and missed two sessions so I had to wait a littler longer (I was meeting with her bi-weekly). She would have written my letter earlier, but she said she wanted to make sure there wasn't any other underlying issues. I think some therapists may wait to see if there could be anything else that needs addressing (transition is a huge thing). Or maybe some of the less experienced ones just don't know what they are doing and others could just be gatekeeping. I do think there are a lot of gatekeepers, but I like to imagine that there are just as many that want to make sure that their clients are in a good place before any huge changes are made.

It was about a year for me. she was willing to do earlier, but due to timing b/c of school, we waited a year. I was 14 when I started T, (supportive parents) and my shrink has an MTF daughter, so I think that helped with timelines/willingness regarding my age.

@edderkopp--I think there is something there about the experience of the therapist. I think with the guy I have if I wanted to start T next week I could-- not sure about that, but I think he has the experience to trust me on what I would want. I think less experienced therapists are more likely to feel this is an area where many people would dupe their therapists.

I'm happy for people like RS and Cam. I think life will be a lot better for this generation. Perhaps they will be in a position where they can change the world because they don't have to deal with so much emotional upheaval.

(OTOH, can't help but feel a little twinge of jealousy, to know who you are so early and have someone take you seriously. Of course there are thousands of kids without the supportive families sadly.)

--Jay Jay

Quote from: Jeatyn on August 16, 2012, 05:21:52 PM
"you can't just take pills and become a man you know" *facepalmheaddesk*

It would be FABULOUS if they could dedicate just one lesson in med school to a basic outline of transpeople and their treamtnet. A leaflet...something! Most doctors seem to have no idea that we even exist.

I did see one very thick book for new doctors last year and it actually had almost one page devoted to the basic idea of transsexualism.

Stereotyping Georgia, smh.  It has less to do with where you are located and more to do with the doctor you get.  In the southern states there are actually people who are open and understanding *gasp*.  Shocking I know.

But seriously, it has to do with the doctor you get.  Some will be more willing to write them quicker, either because they are understanding, have experience with trans patients, or whatever.  Some will not be because they are less understanding, have less experience, that's the way they like to do it, or whatever.  It just depends.

Quote from: Andy8715 on August 17, 2012, 11:24:24 AM
Stereotyping Georgia, smh.  It has less to do with where you are located and more to do with the doctor you get.  In the southern states there are actually people who are open and understanding *gasp*.  Shocking I know. .

Ever been to Atlanta? It's like any major metropolitan area anywhere. Not much of the old south left there anyway. (BTW, I think that's the difference-- old vs new south.)

--Jay Jay

As someone with counseling experience - I think you may want to tell her how you FEEL - EXACTLY.  And tell her you want the letter, it is what you KNOW you want, You FEEL she is wasting your time. And tell her that if she does not have enough experience to write a letter, she could just be uncomfortable with this type of thing, the only ethical thing for her to do is to refer you to another therapist who can write the letter. I really think being direct is going to help. Also, ask her how her "plan" has anything to do with what you are seeing her for. Many people don't have 5 year plans! Should everyone have a road map for life - yes, it would be a good idea. BUT that is not what you are seeking treatment for. You are not there for career counseling, or learning skills to help you reach your goals. All very reasonable and legit reasons to seek counseling. But if you know what you want, and you are sure of it - tell her.

Additionally, while I am about to start to see one myself - I've done a bit of research here and on other boards, the point of therapy is not, and I repeat not to tell if you are Trans - as another poster stated earlier, no one can tell but you. It is to make sure that you do not have any other 'underlying pathology that could be causing you to feel like you want to change genders, i.e, transitioning to please a parent or something.

Good luck.

jeatyn,

You raise some every good points.  have you heard of the Cochran Reports? Don't worry, your GP has, at least every MD and APRN still side of the Atlantic has. It is an evidenced based medicine clearinghouse. It is available to the public online.  Check it out and see if it has anything that might help you. Under line the important bits and then bring it with you on your next visit. Also bring a copy of the WPATH. You are probably right. GPs are very busy and it is hard for them to keep up with everything. I shadow a GP for part of my clinicals last semester and it is nerve racking what he must stay current on. With the amount of time he has, he probably keeps up with BP news, resp infection treatments, morbidity and mortality report, etc. You are probably his only trans pts, and may be his only one for his entire medical career - its not like we are that common. Therefore, if you help educate him, you may find that it benefits you. Its probably not that we wants to in less then competent, he is just pressed for time, like everyone else.

Quote from: henrytwob on August 17, 2012, 09:02:21 PM
As someone with counseling experience - I think you may want to tell her how you FEEL - EXACTLY.  And tell her you want the letter, it is what you KNOW you want, You FEEL she is wasting your time. And tell her that if she does not have enough experience to write a letter, she could just be uncomfortable with this type of thing, the only ethical thing for her to do is to refer you to another therapist who can write the letter. I really think being direct is going to help. Also, ask her how her "plan" has anything to do with what you are seeing her for. Many people don't have 5 year plans! Should everyone have a road map for life - yes, it would be a good idea. BUT that is not what you are seeking treatment for. You are not there for career counseling, or learning skills to help you reach your goals. All very reasonable and legit reasons to seek counseling. But if you know what you want, and you are sure of it - tell her.

Additionally, while I am about to start to see one myself - I've done a bit of research here and on other boards, the point of therapy is not, and I repeat not to tell if you are Trans - as another poster stated earlier, no one can tell but you. It is to make sure that you do not have any other 'underlying pathology that could be causing you to feel like you want to change genders, i.e, transitioning to please a parent or something.

Good luck.

I am scared to be direct with her honestly. I feel like it wouldn't end up going very well for me. But tuesday I plan on telling her I'd like to start T by Christmas time/next semester.

Oh and as for my comment with Georgia, well I live in the South and it generally hasn't been great experiences for me. Maybe I don't give people the benefit of the doubt, but honestly that's probably for my own protection. I don't trust others easily.

Quote from: Stewie on August 16, 2012, 03:04:29 PM
You make an excellent point! The therapist I saw before this one actually compared me to someone who would go to Mexico and get T...All this because I had a LITTLE break down at her office when she said a year of therapy lol It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I didn't know how to react. Oh welllllll...and for the record, I have no way of getting to Mexico and even if I did, I would not want to go there lol Or get T illegally. That's just stupid

Just was thinking about what a fing stupid comment this is. IF you would go and get illegal T somewhere, why would you bother worrying about your T letter?

--Jay jay

Quote from: aleon515 on August 17, 2012, 10:09:19 PM
Just was thinking about what a fing stupid comment this is. IF you would go and get illegal T somewhere, why would you bother worrying about your T letter?

--Jay jay

Pretty much. And I know informed consent exists. So it's not like I NEED to go through therapy. But I CHOSE to go and see her. I wanted to see if she had anything to offer me. Guess not. Honestly, thus far I don't see how therapy has helped me. I just feel like I'm jumping through hoops and doing what she wants to get what I want. I thought that maybe therapy would give me some revelation and honestly it just has felt like a big waste of time.


At one point (forgive me if I have mentioned this before) she said that a problem with adoption is that we wouldn't have that biological connection which can be a problem if we don't like the same things...She went on to give me this story of how she knew a coach for a famous basketball team who had a son who hated basketball...apparently this was devastating and he was adopted...I told her it doesn't matter because my interests are very different from my family's and we just accept those differences and encourage the differences. But she says this is only because we have that biological connection....

I swear, I am with an idiot. She also said it's rare for gay men to want children. I am NOT a gay male but I was honestly offended by this too. I just think she is spewing out such stupid facts at me that have no truth to them.