I recently saw a sweet girl (20s) with a Adams apple. I looked her way and made eye contact several times and then she smirked and rolled her eyes like "damm... who's the old pervert? "And walked away.
Is there a secret phrase/ handshake?

Sweetie,

the last thing IF we are finally 'stealth' and "... if some grass has grown over an odd situation (transition) – surely along comes 'camel' and chews it all off again..."

The above is a saying by a German poet and writer Erich Kästner, ... before I be misunderstood for being bitchy or something

The point?
We, who have fully transitioned do NOT WANT to be outed, not even by the friendliest of folks, like I'm sure you are.

And for anything as a greeting: "Hello and how are you today?" should be just perfectly alright, um. 

Axélle

I think you'll hear a chorus of "No matter what you may think you know about someone, keep it to yourself" Not trying to be rude here. Hugs, Devlyn

You don't do anything. You act just as you would have if you didn't suspect anything.

Quote from: joann on August 18, 2012, 09:51:46 AM
I recently saw a sweet girl (20s) with a Adams apple. I looked her way and made eye contact several times and then she smirked and rolled her eyes like "damm... who's the old pervert? "And walked away.
Is there a secret phrase/ handshake?

Generally speaking? NO!

There is no secret phrase/look or handshakes. It tends to be the norm not to stare or try and get acknowledgment from a suspected TG person you see at random in public. Simply by virtue of the perceived reaction you received from her.

If she was new to the situation, her 'antenna' would have been focused internally; forever checking, "Am I passing?" and she wouldn't have been 'scanning' outwardly looking for signs in you, to see if you were perhaps one.

Only when you are 100% comfortable and presenting as yourself, can you even attempt to approach a new person. And that approach should never be front on, but, always be, with a big smile, coming from behind on one side of them, walking at the same pace, not stopping, unless they do. Then say something like; "You must be new to the area. A group of us girls have lunch/dinner/coffee regularly at ?? ?? ?? and would love to have you join us if you are free. If you have any questions, here's my phone number. Hope you can make it. It would be lovely to see you there." Then leave immediately, with purpose (as though you are late for a meeting) unless you sense she may want to ask questions now.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

There is a gal at my school who is as tall or taller than I am (5'10")  and she has an Adams apple.  But she is totally cis.  And Adams apple is not proof of being Trans.

The only time you can say or do anything to reflect that the person in question is Trans, is when you are in a group of transsexual/transgendered people.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on August 18, 2012, 10:34:01 AM
There is a gal at my school who is as tall or taller than I am (5'10")  and she has an Adams apple.  But she is totally cis.  And Adams apple is not proof of being Trans.

The only time you can say or do anything to reflect that the person in question is Trans, is when you are in a group of transsexual/transgendered people.

This. But I know the feeling, where I clock someone, I usually try and give them a compliment if the situation allows it, or just let it slide; nothing is worse than being called out.

I had a lady out me once. I almost ate her. Best idea is to not

Quote from: Ms. OBrien on August 18, 2012, 10:34:01 AM
There is a gal at my school who is as tall or taller than I am (5'10")  and she has an Adams apple.  But she is totally cis.  And Adams apple is not proof of being Trans.

The only time you can say or do anything to reflect that the person in question is Trans, is when you are in a group of transsexual/transgendered people.

That was my initial thought "can females have a AA?" i guess that's why i didn't say anything.

I only met one person who i thought to be transsexual, it was in a train. She had short hair and a masculine face but was wearing a skirt and leggings. I got really nervous, as she sat next to me. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable that's why i didn't look in her direction a lot. I guess the way you should treat a TG/TS person is exactly like any other person, like they deserve. Sure i'd love to talk and be fascinated but i don't think she would liked it. Interesting about the Adams Apple by the way. I didn't know women could have prominent Adams Apples as well.

Even within the "safe" confines of my TG group meeting I wouldn't dare make any assumptions of anyones birth gender. We have both MTFs and FTMs. With some you'd have no idea at all, except maybe to be 180 degrees out of sync with reality. Forget about even thinking that out on the street with total strangers you stand a half chance of reading a TG and being absolutely sure. In fact, back in the late 70's it was'nt rare in NYC for a GG to say she was a trans, just to blow off a guy hitting on her. You just cannot know for sure.

As others have noted, the LAST thing most of us want is acknowledgement that we were read! By ANYONE! (and that includes ourselves). I settle for "you look OK" when I look in the mirror and cherrish the days when I can say "You look F'n GREAT!" before I go out, or better yet when I return home. The other times I change my outfit or redo my makeup.

A small aside - My wife (30 years post-op) and myself often wondered about Lady Gaga, simply for the fact that she looked too perfect. Conversly, Madonna, IMHO, tends to look like an old drag queen these days when not performing.

Caveat Emptor

You simply do not.

Under no circumstance do you tell a trans person you have clocked them. Ever!

Lots of ways. Same as approaching someone you suspect is cis:

1. Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing the skirt you're wearing. It really looks good on you. Where do you shop?

2. Hot for this time of year, isn't it?

3. Pardon me, but do you know if I can get the number 12 bus from here?

...

If they're interested in being friendly, they'll respond, if not, they'll give you the brush off. Of course you won't learn whether they're Trans or not, but you may make a new friend.

I look at it kind of like greeting someone who looks pregnant. If you're wrong and she's not pregnant, she may be offended. If you're right, she may be offended. While there is a chance she's pregnant and would like to discuss it, the risks of offense aren't worth it.

If she's not pregnant, asking or otherwise acting as if you think she might be could make her feel self-conscious (read: fat) for the rest of the day. If she is pregnant, she may not want it pointed out for a host of reasons. Maybe she is pregnant but with friends or family she hasn't broken the news to. Your encounter may put her in an uncomfortable position.

It's not safe to assume that just because you're a pregnant woman also, she'll appreciate you 'clocking her' (especially if she just needs a few sit-ups).
Best not to make any assumptions. Let her bring it up.

"Hello" should do it.  If you become friends they may out themselves.

Agreeing vigorously with those above me. I don't think there's any code like "friend of Harry Benjamin" for trans folks, the same way that gays could say "I'm a friend of Dorothy" or 12 steppers alluding to Bill W.

However, if you do want to be able to connect with someone who is trans, if and as they are comfortable, you can wear a button or have some other signifier that you are in the community. Even if it's tiny, chances are they'll see it.

Don't forget a lot of 'normal looking and acting' men have hidden T tendencies themselves and recognize T's from a mile away.

While you think you're clocked by a 'normal' guy it could be he's a hidden T.

I would do nothing, because that is what I would want others to do unto me. Just smile like I do to everyone else I tend to pass. I would say nothing unless the need arose.

I feel like such a douchebag because before I realized I was trans I was really hateful--not intentionally though--towards two people I met once.
One was a transguy who I thought was just a lesbian. I constantly referred to him as her. And when others tried to correct me I acted confused. I hope to one day meet him and apologize for my ignorant hatred.
The other was a transgirl. I saw her with a corset on and was actually fascinated by the corset, as I had just bought one. I went up to her and--I really have no way of knowing for sure like others have said, its none of my business unless they chose to tell me--but when I saw her I just stared at her. I didn't know what to say. It was part nerves, part shock. I feel so cruel, as she must have been thinking a million thoughts. Now I know what it feels like to have to worry about being misgenderd, ridiculed, stared at, hated.
That I caused pain to those two people really makes me feel bad. I can't believe how stupid and idiotic I was. I confess that I was an apathetic hater.

I entered a department store and the obviously gay greeter smiled and nodded slowly in acknowledgement. It was an innocuous gesture but  I was still quite offended. He should have just smiled.

The next store the female assistant greeted me with cute skoyt. That was fine.

In all honesty if someone who were Transgender had approached me with any question of my gender I would embrace them.

Sometimes stealth divides us and those who desperately are in need of advice/help/love by someone further down the transitional line than themselves, are deserving of a brother or sister to give them a little sanity and conviction in who they are

It is tricky though because terminology for TS draws a fine line between respectful and disrespectful, and being outed can diminish ones confidence with their own stealth factor, but if someone can respectfully address you I think a respectfully human conversation can be had

I wish I had more T Brothers and Sisters growing up so that some of my loneliness might have been spared