Greet the person with the same rest you would like to be treated with (sir / madam) complementing them on something or just a smile even if your T radar is singing, get to know them for being them selves not because you suspect they might be T, 

Quote from: Hippolover25 on August 20, 2012, 10:04:06 AM
Ibecause before I realized I was trans I was really hateful--not intentionally though--towards two people

A perfect example of

<Don't forget a lot of 'normal looking and acting' men have hidden T tendencies themselves and recognize T's from a mile away.

While you think you're clocked by a 'normal' guy it could be he's a hidden T.>


Thanks for sharing!

 Upon meeting another trans person, I have generally just gone out of my way to make them feel slightly more special, and to be, myself, more friendly and warm. Anything more may hurt them, so doing so should be done carefully.

The safest choice is to act no differently, but some light is often very much appreciated.

Wow... Never thought that so many would be offend at being noticed. Why do we "go out"?  Maybe what we need is a Pendant, bracelet, button, ring that discreetly says.
"Im Trans gender or LGBT, F2M, M2F, andro ect and i want you to notice" Pagans in the 80's used to ware a simple green button.
A little rainbow button maybe ?
" Hey... i like your rainbow button. Your androgen... so am i..."
A tee shirt or a cap spelling it out will probably get you kicked/ punched.
But perhaps we need to be more open. There a lot of lonely brother and sisters out there. 

I want people to notice me if they find me attractive, like my personality, love the work or the hobbies I'm involved with, even like my piano playing. But never because they think I'm T. I'll probably try to avoid them, if possible.

If you "must" do something, discretely nod at them, if they nod back, and show signs of being willing to talk, then and only then do you move forward.

Mostly, treat them like you would any other person you see on the street, at the mall, etc.  You don't walk up to every stranger just because you like how they look, you give them respect.

Quote from: joann on August 21, 2012, 08:07:02 AM
Wow... Never thought that so many would be offend at being noticed. Why do we "go out"?

I don't know if being offended is the right way to put it but I do think it is highly inappropriate to go up to someone in public and start talking to them about a medical condition you suspect they might suffer from. My trans issues are playing in my mind enough as it is so I don't want to be reminded or have conversations about it with strangers on the street and in other public places. It would make me feel very uncomfortable. Other than my visits to the Suporn clinic I have never (at least not knowingly) talked to another trans-person other than on the internet.

I usually take a very special circumstance for me to talk about my condition with other, even with family or friends that have known me most of my life. While transitioning I talked peoples ears off with this stuff, I guess that's only natural, but after all was said and done I really didn't want to talk about it anymore.

never ever ever ever ever try to out a transgender person in public. Do not do this for many reasons:

1. They are not out fulltime only for people to identify them as transgender people. The only way you will know if they want to be identified as transgender is if you are at a transgender function AND they say they are transgender.

2. They are more than likely fulltime. If you go to them and say "oh hai, you are transgender?" You may crush them and they may start thinking "omg I don't pass." Many people work up enough courage to even go out in their chosen gender. You trying to be friendly can set them back into the therapy sofa.

It's just a really bad thing to do. Don't do it.

If you want to meet other transgender or identify them, then go to transgender public functions or websites.

Quote from: joann on August 21, 2012, 08:07:02 AM
Wow... Never thought that so many would be offend at being noticed. Why do we "go out"?  Maybe what we need is a Pendant, bracelet, button, ring that discreetly says.
"Im Trans gender or LGBT, F2M, M2F, andro ect and i want you to notice" Pagans in the 80's used to ware a simple green button.
A little rainbow button maybe ?
" Hey... i like your rainbow button. Your androgen... so am i..."
A tee shirt or a cap spelling it out will probably get you kicked/ punched.
But perhaps we need to be more open. There a lot of lonely brother and sisters out there. 

to be honest, it is better to find out here versus finding out through someone who became offended you at you in a public forum.

With me, I am at the point where I am stealth. I do not go to transgender functions anymore. It has nothing to do with a negative attitude or an ego. I just do not identify as transgender. I have no issues identifying as being bisexual but when it comes to gender, I am female. It is what it is.

So if someone were to approach me (even in a friendly way), I would not be thinking, "oh how nice, he or she sees me as a cool transgender."  I would be thinking, "oh, f**k! What the hell did I do wrong where I am not passing." Then I would think that pretty much for the rest of the day.

Now, I understand people who wear transgender bracelets and have transgender banners on their facebooks and have almost all transgender only friends on their social networking sites. However, I am not one of those people. When it comes to gender, I am just your boring female.

"to be honest"... you're never boring!

Annah has it pretty well covered for the most part. We just don't do that any more than we would walk up to a CIS woman and ask if those rockets she is sporting are implants or what. I present andro and get odd looks from folks at times, it just doesn't phase me in the least, in fact I think my appearance as mixed gender irritates trans women more than it does CIS women. Got a really nasty lear from a fellow at the local Home Depot once, he just couldn't stop staring and leering. I said, "What are you looking at?" It was the leading question of the day for him, he couldn't answer and scurried off embarrassed that others knew that he had been staring at me. Most people are too busy with their own lives to care. But we as a community who understands, need to be extremely sensitive to others who we visually identify as one of our own.

Very well... so be it... should i see or even suspect anyone TG,TS, LGBT or otherwise I will respect your privacy, respect your space , look away. I will not make contact or attempt draw your attention.
I wont share with you the fact i love to cook and could make you the best chili you ever had. That we like the same music, Think the same about politics, philosophy, society ect... because i cant approach you because your unique.
There's nothing wrong with being unique.

Quote from: joann on August 21, 2012, 07:05:47 PM
Very well... so be it... should i see or even suspect anyone TG,TS, LGBT or otherwise I will respect your privacy, respect your space , look away. I will not make contact or attempt draw your attention.
I wont share with you the fact i love to cook and could make you the best chili you ever had. That we like the same music, Think the same about politics, philosophy, society ect... because i cant approach you because your unique.
There's nothing wrong with being unique.

No-o-o-o-o.
If you find something interesting about someone, whether it's because they may be Trans, because they're wearing a t-shirt of your favorite band, or if you're curious why they're smiling like that, make contact. Say Hi. Make conversation. Be friendly.

Just don't ask them about medical conditions you suspect they might have. If they think you ought to know, they'll tell you. In the meantime, just enjoy meeting someone new.

Sometimes its not easy.

There are some people who might be happy to talk with you, but many are just trying to live their lives and have little or no contact with the TG crowd.

You have to try to be polite and respectful of all people.  Usually if someone makes eye contact with me, I will smile or nod at them (its the polite thing to do) its how I was raised.

Smirking at another would be wrong, if this person did that to you they were in the wrong.

When you nod or smile at them, you have put the ball in their court, its then up to them if they want to respond further, if they don't, don't worry about it.  That's just life.  Move on with your day.

Quote from: joann on August 21, 2012, 07:05:47 PM
Very well... so be it... should i see or even suspect anyone TG,TS, LGBT or otherwise I will respect your privacy, respect your space , look away. I will not make contact or attempt draw your attention.
I wont share with you the fact i love to cook and could make you the best chili you ever had. That we like the same music, Think the same about politics, philosophy, society ect... because i cant approach you because your unique.
There's nothing wrong with being unique.

There is a BIG difference approaching someone and informing them you may suspect them to be a transsexual vs. approaching someone saying, "hey I think we like the same music or philosophy."

There is nothing wrong with being unique. I do embrace some uniqueness about myself. However, I do not advertise the world what kind of genitals I had been born with...or my sexual orientation. When it comes to me being female, I am female. I have enough "uniqueness" to worry about...I don't need to share with my job and the public intimate details about my privates

I am more than willing to swap our favorite chili recipes with you...not because you are a transsexual. But because you are someone who wants to swap chili recipes.

I guess if I want to make contact with others of like mindI should advertise the fact and let people make up there own minds if they wish to make contact. Dont try to draw them out. Point taken.

But back to my original question. If I were to "advertise" what should I do,
A tee shirt that says "Androgyny now ask me how"?
The good ole rainbow pin?

If you were interested in connecting with lets say "Gender unique" people What would get your attention and make you tap on my shoulder and ask what do you mean by that?  (in a kind way)

I think your best bet is trying to find a Support Group that meets locally.  That would help you find the companionship you seem to be looking for.  I met with a group in Denver when I first found out there was such a thing as transgendered.

Think i found what i am looking for


They have a lot of LGBT items.

http://www.zazzle.com/transgender+gifts

Hey Joann,
I kind of cringed when I read the initial post because I was bracing for the responses you'd receive, lol. It's kinda hard to explain, I think, unless you are transitioned and living as your desired gender. Certainly everyone doesn't feel the way most of the people responded to, but I think the #'s are high enough to think twice about approaching. Your idea of wearing the trans flag is probably good. I'm guessing it won't get ts to talk to you, but will probably end up having random strangers say "what does the mean?" at which point you could be an awesome ally and explain what it is. It's hard to explain how I feel about it. I mean a lot of what others said I agree with, but I'm a really nice person irl so I don't think I'd be rude or anything. I would certainly be taken aback and the conversation we'd have would probably end up with you thinking "huh, that was kinda strange, she was like preoccupied or didn't want to talk or something." The thing is, like most of us just live our lives. We come online and we're like "Rah Rah Trans!!!" but it's because irl we aren't like that much. So this is the outlet. I think that can give a false impression sometimes that online community = irl community and online attitudes/feelings/etc = irl attitudes/feelings/etc. Just remember that this is where a lot of people go to kind of be anonymous and talk about things as an outlet. If there are any support groups around you, maybe go to one. If there aren't, maybe make a weekend trip to a city that has one so you can meet and talk to people in a safe space. Good luck Meghan

I have found a support group and a think its going to be good for me.
I guess for me ive spent the past 30 years friendless because i dont relate to cis males. The only friends i ever made were gay or bi. So I have nowhere else to look for folks of like mind or at least an open mind other then the LGBT community (And the pagan community too).