I would love to hear from people that have been dealt with their own pregnancy before.  We have a 1 year old and would like to have another baby soon. 

I hated being pregnant, I hated all the attention, I hated all that stuff because it's all so feminine.  I'm not comfortable with my body, I don't want to talk about my physical body.  Seriously, I don't want there to be any focus on my body but that's all there is.  This is something that has bothered me for a long time, and whenever I've tried to talk about it no one else gets it.  I was hoping to at least be listened to by people that understand. 

And on a semi-related note I'm also struggling with going gender-neutral with my baby.  No, just because she's wearing overalls and is playing with a car I'm not trying to make her a boy.  Nobody seems to accept that when I'm not dressing her in head-to-toe pink it's not because I'm trying to make her something she isn't.  My own childhood was filled with misery as my parents tried everything they could to only give me access to pink crap.  I was devastated when my brother opened up the coolest RC car in the world and my gift turned out to be the frilliest pink sweater you can imagine.  I would never force my own child to be something she isn't.  She has access to dolls, play kitchen, cars, balls, whatever.  She has clothes that work for a boy or a girl because they aren't screaming blue or screaming pink.  As she gets older she will pick out the items she wants.  Why is this perceived as wrong?  Why do I have people accusing me of trying to make her a boy?  I'm seriously banging my head here... I want her to have access to everything and decide for herself.  One lady was going to give her a gift at a garage sale but couldn't after all because she could only find boy toys.  She's going to hear messages her whole life of who she should be, but I don't want her getting that message from her parents.

Quote from: mrspopo on August 24, 2012, 03:20:28 AM
And on a semi-related note I'm also struggling with going gender-neutral with my baby.  No, just because she's wearing overalls and is playing with a car I'm not trying to make her a boy.  Nobody seems to accept that when I'm not dressing her in head-to-toe pink it's not because I'm trying to make her something she isn't. 

My experience with my own kids was that when they became old enough to understand the difference between genders, they clearly expressed their identity. We gave our daughter a truck for one of her early birthdays and she looked at us like "what do you expect me to do with this?" Can you dress your child as if she were cis-gendered (since, face facts, most are), but be very sensitive to and supportive of gender-variant behavior or assertion of a contrary identity?

Hi Mrspopo,

Children should not be forced to express gender at any age.  They need to be allowed to explore anything and everything as gender neutral.

The only reason they are forced into gender-focused activities is because of the parents.  Good for you to allow her to express herself her way.

I have the same problem with my daughter, any time she doesn't wear something that isn't pink and frilly I get grief for "pushing my issues on her"

She has no concept of gender and as long as she isn't cold I really don't think she cares about her clothes.

She also doesn't like to play with dolls, she likes cars (amongst other things of course) and of course this is my "fault" ... who cares if she likes to push cars around and make "brum brummm" noises rather than push a doll around in a pushchair. She makes her own choices. She has both...she just happens to not like the dolls.

It's crazy really, why do people think we would WANT our children to be trans?

I have a three year old. I mostly hated all the stuff my body had to go through, the frequent doctor visits, and the growing lack of privacy. I personally just consider it a bodily function rather than necessarily feminine (like sea horses), but other people's opinions were annoying. Mainly the opinion that everything to do with my body was their business and the attitude that I was now just an incubator.
I am grateful to my son's day care that they agree to put his hair in pigtails, wears sparkly princess shoes, and dress up in a dress. Not because he's trans or gender variant or anything. Just because he thinks they look pretty. We've also discovered that toy strollers are fun for someone his height to wheel around (although he steals my books and carts them around rather than a doll). I'm not forcing anything on him. He just likes that stuff on his own. Neither does that mean anything about his gender.
I don't know anyone who didn't like to play with cars as a kid.

Oh man I totally get you on the total lack of privacy while pregnant. All the women in my family who had kids wanted to share and know about every intimate detail of everything that was happening. It baffled me just how many of my relatives actually wanted to be in the room with me when I was giving birth. God no! I'm not even comfortable with the fact there's a doctor present never mind half my family wanting to take pictures, you guys must be crazy.

My little 'un likes to wheel books around in her stroller too she flatly refuses to push around the baby doll, gets angry and takes it out and throws it on the floor if you dare put a doll in there.

Oh yeah! My ex mother-in-law who I really don't like wanted to be in the room with me. Thank goodness the hospital only allowed two other people and she "let" my mom be the other person (the other being my son's other dad). Of course, suddenly, there was a whole group of male resident doctors who are complete strangers to me anyway.

Quote from: Jeatyn on August 24, 2012, 05:44:01 PM
It's crazy really, why do people think we would WANT our children to be trans?

Because they're ignorant. (I don't like to call people stupid)

Also, Popo, you don't necessarily have to have biological children. If you really hate being pregnant, there's always adoption, which is a better option in my opinion. The world is already overpopulated, so there's no need to contribute to that. Also, my parents are separated, so I live with my mom and get to see my dad whenever he's off work, which is one day per week. However, at least I get to see my dad. There are kids in orphanages who don't have parents at all, so if I wanted kids (which I personally don't), I would adopt and give one of those kids a home before I would even consider having a biological child. Lastly, I've delivered a baby before, and I can agree with any mother who says that childbirth must be painful and disgusting.

PS--> Don't listen to anyone who doesn't like the gender neutrality of YOUR kid. (See that? YOUR kid. As long as you're not abusing your child or teaching them to abuse others, raise him//her however you want). I for one am completely gender neutral, being one of the few people that has a stuffed animal collection, the complete Desperate Housewives DVD set, an aluminum Captain America Shield, a Master Sword, an Easy Bake Oven, throwing knives, and many other girly//manly items. If anyone has a problem, tell them that your kid gets the best of both worlds and can have twice the fun other kids can have.

So nice to hear from people that "get it."  I really haven't talked to people in this community, so I'm just happy to be heard by people that understand.  Not feigned sympathy, actual empathy.  Nice to not have to justify myself to people that are never going to get it.  Nice to not explain myself.  How refreshing!

I was terribly offended the first time around having an ultrasound.  I requested to not have anyone there that wasn't necessary, but because the tech was having a hard time getting one measurement, I sat with my belly exposed in the middle of the room as 5 different people came and went.  Ugh.  I did manage to avoid any internal exams ahead of time which I was thrilled about.  And I did manage to have a totally random set of docs & nurses when I went into labor... not anyone I had ever seen before or anyone I would ever see again.  My SO was the only person I knew there, I didn't allow any visitors to the hospital.  So the anonymous factor was nice.  I'm definitely going to try for that next time.