Hi Angelique,
Try not to take things personally. One of the most important things I have learned is that it isn't about us. When people respond or react it isn't about you, not really. When you talked about giving up on hormones and having surgery people began putting themselves in your place, in a way they began to experience inside themselves what you would be feeling if you were them.
Because once someone get's on estrogen and anti-androgens, etc., once someone transitions M2F, her thought, almost always is, "I wish I had done this sooner." It becomes her only regret. It doesn't really matter what you do, if you transition, if you don't.
What matters is being able to live with yourself. I think that sometimes an individual has to transition late in order to be able to appreciate her new life. Because without that experience of GID worsening, an individual may never begin to truly understand how important transition is and perhaps she would take her new life for granted without that knowledge. Without the suffering that happens before transition.
It doesn't matter how attractive you are. What matters is your relationship with yourself because all other relationships are built on top of your relationship with yourself, it's the foundation. What matters is that you are able to be you.
Other people looked at you and were reminded of their own regrets. The regret that they did not transition sooner. It seemed like they were being critical of you but they weren't. It wasn't about you, it was about personal regrets and frustration. Like I said, don't take it personal, it's not about you.
And it isn't about them either. You may feel offended. You may feel like people were attacking you. The reality is that at the end of the day it's about you and the decisions you make. What you do or don't do won't hurt anybody else but you and the truth is it's your decision. Even when the choices seem difficult or you are getting resistance from others. The decision to give up or to give in is a decision and we all have to live with our decisions, no one else will live with them for us.
I hope you choose some decisions that give you lasting happiness. I have that hope for everyone here.
Men and women who transition are the most self-actualized beings on the face of the earth. They are strong, brave, amazing people who generally have a much deeper appreciation for life.
I hope you will become one of us.
Cheers,
Noey
