So my mother is back at home... And this means that she is again trying to force feed me, and doing only fried things. At the morning, and the afternoon, at night... "My parents did not give me enough to eat and I ended with a gastric perforation". C'mon, that was almost 50 years ago! I know that the grandparents almost starved their children to death and were only seen as cheap slave labor, but we are living at another era.


Crap, between this and the gym being closed for holidays, I'm gaining weight again. She keeps calling me anorexic, saying that I need one of those tubes sending serums, etc...  I weigh 64 kg and have a 15% fat!. It's taken me months to go down from 72 and i still have a nice belly, yet they don't want to see it...


Sheesh, I can't wait to know if my contract is renewed and I can live (and cook) on my own). But can you believe? All my life with "You eat too much" and now "You need to eat much more". Heck, not to mention the "You are leaving food to waste" whenever they let me alone, with an overloaded fridge.


I guess this is how they see me:



And this is why whenever I am on my own I only eat salads... I need to balance everything. But as they used to say in Cracked, Mothers contribute to obesity


Edited for profanity

How about a nicely worded MYOB  Mum.

"Wafer thin mint, sir?"

Depending on who you are, it's either a curse or blessing. But you did decide to live at home until now, so you can't complain too much. I cooked my own food and contributed towards housekeeping when I was living at home.

I know a guy whose mother continued to cook for him and personally sent over dishes of food even after he flew the nest. A few years later his mother bought the apartment above him, and so the home cooked food continued. When he got married, the wife took over the role to some extent.  I don't think he's cooked a meal in his life. But he has no shame about it as it is a 'cultural' things. 

LOL..."It's just a thin little wahfer..."

Just eat what you think is an appropriate amount, thank her for the great cooking, but tell her you're "healthy, and I'm happy with where I am."

After that, you needn't respond to any other statements. (That's something I had to constantly remind my ex about..."You don't need to 'bite' (i.e., respond to) at everything the kids say.") It didn't help her, because she liked to argue.

Eventually she may say something like, "What, don't you listen to me anymore?"

"Yes, I do listen. But, I already addressed the issue of how much I eat. Don't you listen to me?"

OMG, just realised how wonderfully in denial your mother is. I think your transition may make a good flick. I can see it already. How about it? 

Quote from: Felicitá on August 22, 2012, 09:45:15 AM
Depending on who you are, it's either a curse or blessing. But you did decide to live at home until now, so you can't complain too much.

And that's when the clash started,after deciding I wanted to restart everything and take control of my life. For years I have fit myself into a shape and accepted, and now I'm changing everything about me.


Well, at least they haven't noticed that my face is a bit swollen from the laser. If I don't shave "you look like a taliban", If I shave, "you need to have hair".

thanks Beth - I think I am going to repeat that to my mom and see how it goes... 

have struggled to loose 5kgs in 6 months ... and finally getting things back in order -

now have to deal with Mom trying to overfeed me - a few weeks ago I think my inquisitive dad/mom went snooping and saw some some of my HRT meds -

since then they have been making and buying food like insane people - and I end up having to eat most of it -

the other day - I decided not to eat any of unhealthy stuff they buy from out - and since then they haven't forced me. and am now eating less - although sometimes I get the feeling my mom will not hesistate to make a LOT of the stuff I like to make sure I can't say no... even my dads kinda the same...

have also explained to my ex - that I am desperate to loose weight and since then she has been supportive.

although my mom will always make extra food - refuse to eat most of it and then make me eat it 

Your mother cannot "make" you eat it. You ultimately have control over what goes into your body. Use that control.

Consider do your own cooking. There are three other people in my family, but I cook my own food. I'm not much of a cook, so it's always simple stuff, which is just fine with me.

When I cook my own food, I can always tell what goes into it, especially how much fat. Since fat has 250 calories to the ounce, a little bit of fat can add a whole lot of calories to a dish.

Now I'm keeping a diary as ordered by my therapist and... in retrospective, she is the cause of ALL my pain, and of the pain other family members have to endure. Completely insufferable, and the true reason I want to escape.

The mindset of a 5 years old, if she can't understand something she will build her own magical solution and refute any explanation given to her. Every time she cannot win a discussion, she will resort to insult me with "tarado" (brain damaged), and that's enough to get me at maximum rage.


In fact, for half of my life I haven't been able to stand her, not even when I was a kid. Some sort of deranged bitter pathetic person trying to control everything and just bitching non stop until she gets with it, hating everything and making me know it.



So yes, I have to leave ASAP, even if that makes me lose my capacity for keeping saving.

Quote from: agfrommd on August 22, 2012, 02:47:08 PM
Your mother cannot "make" you eat it. You ultimately have control over what goes into your body. Use that control.

Consider do your own cooking. There are three other people in my family, but I cook my own food. I'm not much of a cook, so it's always simple stuff, which is just fine with me.

When I cook my own food, I can always tell what goes into it, especially how much fat. Since fat has 250 calories to the ounce, a little bit of fat can add a whole lot of calories to a dish.

I totally agree, no one can force you to eat.  I eat what  want until I've had enough, then I stop. It doesn't matter who cooked it, myself, friends, a restaurant chef. You eat what you want to eat.

If your mother is insisting you eat something and you don't want to, the answer is very easy. You stand up, pick up the plate (whatever) of food and put it in the garbage. End of argument.  If she says 'what a waste I would have eaten that, just tell her to go for it.'

I can assure you that your relationship and your control of your life will change very quickly.

To a small extent I have a fod addiction problem. If it is put in front of me, I HAVE to eat it all, and while it is hot. I also tend to eat when depressed. Living part-time, when I am back in guy mode, is especially when I tend to stuff my face all night long

It took a long time to convince my wife, I do not eat food. She loves to cook, as do I. THe problem is eating for me. She eats for a family of 6 in an alternate universe. I think I get by nicely on about 1200 cal/day and I am 5'11, 145 lbs and drive a desk for 10 hours a day. My only caloric need is to overcome the air-conditioning!

As others have said, your mom is not making you eat. You are an adult now. After telling her for days or weeks not to cook for you, and if don't eat any of it, she may finally get it. Nothing but you is stopping yourself from fixing a salad for dinner. Even if you need buy one of those pre-made bagged ones at the grocery store, just to have a 2 minute salad availble so you don't have to listen to her whinning about you not eating.

Quote from: Cindy James on August 23, 2012, 03:40:05 AM
You stand up, pick up the plate (whatever) of food and put it in the garbage. End of argument.  If she says 'what a waste I would have eaten that, just tell her to go for it.'

Believe me, that just starts even a bigger argument. All food need to be consumed and everything hast to be eaten, nothing can be thrown to trash. "It is a sin to throw food". A lot of time we are stuck with something left and it is a fight with "Who is going to finish that?" Of course, she never wants to eat a lot. I keep telling her "don't make that much food if you later say that we eat too much".


And there is not even space on the fridge to keep my own food. Also, they won't let me cook. "We are not cooking twice and wasting electricity. You will eat the same as everybody else". Resisting and making my own salad also ends in a fight, they are impossible. Buying my own salad? Another fight. Every day. I can choose between eating their food or be hammered non-stop on my brain.


Agh. And don't let her know that whenever I eat outside I pick a vegetarian menu. Apparently she believes eating insane amounts of meat every day is something mandatory. To her eating only vegetables and paying the full prize is like being scammed.

 Simply passing on certain meals may work, since the leftovers would be untouched.

Definitely thins a person out. XD I certainly know.

Quote from: Apples Mk.II on August 23, 2012, 06:00:50 AM

Believe me, that just starts even a bigger argument. All food need to be consumed and everything hast to be eaten, nothing can be thrown to trash. "It is a sin to throw food". A lot of time we are stuck with something left and it is a fight with "Who is going to finish that?" Of course, she never wants to eat a lot. I keep telling her "don't make that much food if you later say that we eat too much".


And there is not even space on the fridge to keep my own food. Also, they won't let me cook. "We are not cooking twice and wasting electricity. You will eat the same as everybody else". Resisting and making my own salad also ends in a fight, they are impossible. Buying my own salad? Another fight. Every day. I can choose between eating their food or be hammered non-stop on my brain.


Agh. And don't let her know that whenever I eat outside I pick a vegetarian menu. Apparently she believes eating insane amounts of meat every day is something mandatory. To her eating only vegetables and paying the full prize is like being scammed.

Where I'm coming from is proving the point. If there is an argument ignore it. Just don't argue. The next time it happens do the same.  You do not change behaviour patterns by capitulating. You change them by laying down your opinion.

This is a small step. You need to seriously think about having control of your life.

You are not a child, unless you are under 18 you have the right too determine your path. If you do not live at home you can do as you wish. If you do live at home then maybe it is time to leave and follow your path in life.

I left home when I was 17. I decided to live my life. It wasn't easy. But life doesn't come with an instruction manual. You make your own way. And you take responsibility for being you.

JMO

Cindy

Fortunately this will end soon. I am making my calculations about the budget I need before leaving. Probably I will be leaving the home by April. Until then, I'll have to dodge them as much as possible.