Quote from: Edge on August 25, 2012, 06:31:15 PM
I'm afraid no women would want me because I have the wrong anatomy and I'm not a woman.
I'm afraid no guy would want me because I have the wrong anatomy and I'm not a woman.
I'm afraid cis guys won't accept me as a friend who's a guy because I'm weird, effeminate and masculine as opposed to just being masculine and I have the wrong anatomy.
I'm afraid trans guys won't accept me at all because I'm weird, effeminate, and masculine as opposed to just being masculine and I "make them look bad."
I like women, but sometimes, I want to hang out with other dudes you know?
This would be so much easier if I was just born a cis male. I would have been bullied probably, but at least
I'd be seen as male.
End of pity party rant.
I don't really have anything useful to say except... well... the best way to overcome fear is to face it. And to do that effectively, it helps to understand the root cause of it. From your post it seems that the things you are afraid of stem from an overarching fear of being hurt, or being alone, and the oldest fear of all... fear of the unknown. I also get the feeling you're scared that acceptance is reliant on things you feel you have no control over, things that you don't feel you can change, rather than who you are as a person. I wonder if part of it is a fear that your personality and the more intangible things about you - your sense of humor, loyalty, interests, conversation skills etc - will be overlooked in favour of things that lie more on the surface, things you believe people will make sweeping judgements about.
It's easy to say face your fears. Harder to do though, I know. One way to do it is to treat it with curiosity, rather than as though your whole life hinges on the outcome. Try an attitude of "I wonder whether..." rather than "I need this to happen". The thing about fear is that the more you indulge it, the less it has a hold over you. You get desensitised to it, regardless of the outcome. If the thing you're afraid of proves to be baseless, then you start to think "well I was scared witless of this and look what happened. I was wrong, and that fear did nothing but made me feel bad." However, even if you're right, you still get desensitised to it by facing it, and exploring the thing that scares you. Because the earth doesn't suddenly open up and swallow you whole. You survive, you learn, you grow as a person from the experience. And part of you remembers. So either way, the next time this fear raises its head, you have the benefit of prior experience to dampen it. You know that regardless of the outcome of facing it, you will still be here, and either you'll have found things go much better than you feared, or will know what to avoid for next time. It constantly reinforces the positive self belief within you of "I can do this" which, in turn, gradually silences the voice of fear which tries to protest "I can't do this".
By approaching the things you're afraid of as though it's an experiment, something you're curious about, it shifts your perceptions. Situations become less "this is important, my self-worth is dependent upon the outcome", and becomes more "well either way I'll learn something, about myself and maybe about other people, too. I can use this knowledge to better myself as a person." Fear takes root more strongly if there's a feeling inside you that a situation is an all-or-nothing deal, that something
must happen.
