Quote from: Axélle on August 23, 2012, 11:27:00 AM
Well, here we go again  Women do have a vj and men the other item - its called being "BINARY" of mind-set.
99.99% of folks happen to be just that. Or at least start out that way. Does it make 99.99% of folks jerks... nah... I don't think so either.

And that's what I was completely forgetting: I am non-binary. If with time I switched to true binary that is when I would consider SRS. Before that, it may be a complete disaster. I'll need to keep the door open just in case (never know what will happen after HRT and therapy).


Well, looks like I already have my own answer.

Lucky for you. There is nothing worse than being in the middle and constantly switching. Maybe when I can see myself without the masculinity on top of everything things will change. For the moment I thing that I could leave with it, but I would not be depressed without it. My body takes priority for now, and I could put it at the last part of a transition list.

Quote from: Bella on August 23, 2012, 11:21:22 AM
No, I guess there's nothing wrong with it, but calling people jerks simply because they're unnerved by the idea of someone who presents as female having a penis and wants to keep it is uncalled for. Most people can't get that to click in their minds, and why should they? It's not their responsibility.

I'm fairly sure I didn't call people jerks for being "unnerved by the idea of someone who presents as female having a penis and wants to keep it." I said "it isn't super wildly easy to be non-op in this world because people are jerks." I.e. people treat non-op transsexual females badly sometimes. I don't really care what you or anyone else thinks as long as that doesn't translate into behaviour.

Usually I'm cool with multiple interpretations of a text, but in this case, nope, that was just wrong. I didn't say that.

So then, am I in a bigger problem and am I even more of an aberration? Not feeling like a complete woman yet wanting a female body, feeling partly like a woman but not fully despising everything in me, Seeing SRS as atractive but being able to live without it...

The first time I realized my trans status, I got in a panic state at the idea of losing my genitalia. When I thought about transgender instead of transexual and that I could keep my original organs, that's when I embraced the idea and started to accept myself, but now...

Quote from: Apples Mk.II on August 23, 2012, 02:07:20 PM
So then, am I in a bigger problem and am I even more of an aberration? Not feeling like a complete woman yet wanting a female body, feeling partly like a woman but not fully despising everything in me, Seeing SRS as atractive but being able to live without it...

The first time I realized my trans status, I got in a panic state at the idea of losing my genitalia. When I thought about transgender instead of transexual and that I could keep my original organs, that's when I embraced the idea and started to accept myself, but now...

Hon, don't let other people tell you who you are. You've spent your whole life being subject to that. People can tell you who they are, and how they see you based on how they see themselves. But ultimately the final say is yours, since you are the one who has to live your life.

You are who you are. Be proud of that. You don't have to be the same as someone else, think the same as they do, feel the same as they do. Just be you. That's all you can be, and all you need to be. When you start trying to fit what you think others think you should be... you stop being yourself and you try to become them instead. Embrace your individuality, it's what makes you human. And valuable.

"who wants a woman with a penis, etc",:  heaaaaps of men 

only natal female and becomes FTM...hihi
normal woman is certainly won't has penis, is painful you know....
even new vagina with bad looking is still better than has penis, that's for me....hihi

Quote from: mementomori on August 26, 2012, 08:52:05 AM
"who wants a woman with a penis, etc",:  heaaaaps of men

Quote from: Apples Mk.II on August 20, 2012, 02:00:38 PM
- Did you know before starting transition that this was your ultimate goal? Or...

When I first started transition, my goal was SRS at like a year and a half after being full time. It was important to me then. When I transitioned and society and everyone I knew was seeing me as the women I always saw myself as, it became a lot less important. I just dealt with it. I was more concerned about how I miss two months of work post-op. Then last summer I went on a few dates and it REALLY bugged me. I realized I couldn't be in a relationship with this thing attached to my body. I had the money for SRS all along, I just didn't feel like the hassle of missing work. So I scheduled in in December of last year for this July and now I'm 7 weeks post

Quote from: Apples Mk.II on August 20, 2012, 02:00:38 PM
- At first you though that keeping your original tool and orchy/hysto was more than enough, but changed your mind over time and it turned to be a necessary for having a normal life?

No,, I knew I'd get SRS the whole time, the money was there, I just needed the right opportunity for it to be done. It was never like "OMG I MUST HAVE SRS IMMEDIATELY!!!" How society saw me was much, much more important than what was in my pants

Quote from: Jaime on August 26, 2012, 09:36:25 AM
But how many of them would be open about it?  And how many of them really think of that woman as a woman and not an altered man that they can have sex with on the sly.

they could also think the same of a woman who is post op , and i guess they don't actually have to be open about it if she passes

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on August 26, 2012, 09:24:11 AM
No,, I knew I'd get SRS the whole time, the money was there, I just needed the right opportunity for it to be done. It was never like "OMG I MUST HAVE SRS IMMEDIATELY!!!" How society saw me was much, much more important than what was in my pants

Thanks. The first time I realised the dysphoria  I was in a state of panic going thorugh SRS, but with time... Now I believe that one day I will do it, but I feel like I don't want to hurry with it, and leave it for the last. When I feel I am fully ready and with no regrets...


Argh. At this moment my biggest issue is not being to raise the voice pitch (need to have my throat checked). Not knowing if someday something as basic as my voice will work properly is one of the biggest factors in questioning if I can go full time or reach the end of the journey.



Some say that men interested in a "woman with a penis" are just homosexuals in denial... I'm bi, so it could work... for a time, until my mind and orientation stabilises.

For me SRS was always the symbol of the transition and when I decided it was time to go I knew I would do it, however, it wasn't the most important aspect of my transition. It was not my ultimate goal. My ultimate goal was to get to have be and be seen as female in my day to day life. Having a penis or vagina would make little difference in that department. Sure the penis was an inconvenience, but to me that inconvenience paled in comparison to not being seen as female.

HRT, and later FFS, was what got me really excited. When it came time to have SRS I gave it little though. It was just something that needed to be done. Sure it is great to have a vagina, but nowhere near as great as a female face.

As for thinking that not having SRS is weird, I just don't get that kind of thinking. Frankly I find it to be weird. I once had a friend that thought it was totally weird that some people would put on their socks before the pants. It was like a totally strange concept to him. I could not wrap my head around why he would think that was weird and unnatural. People are different and to most we are all weird. What difference does it make and why care as long as people are happy the way they are? I see no reason to make a big fuzz about it.

Quote from: Bella on August 26, 2012, 10:25:56 AM
I find it weird for this reason: Women have vaginas. I don't understand how people can be OK with having a penis and say they feel like women. To me that doesn't make sense. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't need anyone to try to explain it to me. I've read so many posts about it, and none of them have made any difference, but I respect your decision; it's got nothing to with me, and as such is none of my business.

"Yeah, she's got a penis. No, she wants to keep it. So? She's still a woman!" That just doesn't go down well with most people, and if you can't see why then you need to get your head out of the transbucket, and into the "regular" world, where men have penises and women have vaginas, which is the place where most people live.

Just being realistic.

It is called "BINARY" in the 'trans-bucket' and of course also... "We are what we think"
About 99.99% of folks would think like they being just normal or realistic, not... 'BINARY', hum.

So, ... "Jedem Tierchen sein Pläsierchen..." a German saying.

Axélle

Quote from: Bella on August 26, 2012, 10:25:56 AM
I find it weird for this reason: Women have vaginas. I don't understand how people can be OK with having a penis and say they feel like women. To me that doesn't make sense. I can't wrap my head around it. I don't need anyone to try to explain it to me. I've read so many posts about it, and none of them have made any difference, but I respect your decision; it's got nothing to with me, and as such is none of my business.

I keep wondering about it, but I think is easy: mine is a zombie part of my anatomy: I only use it for releasing urine. It is not needed for my daily interactions with people and colleagues, and I don't have a sex life or I am in a relationship. For now I am like an eunuch, but If my other mind problems are fixed in a future and start getting into relationships again, I will take that final decision. Until then, it can rest in its current place.

Quote from: Apples Mk.II on August 26, 2012, 10:49:41 AM
I keep wondering about it, but I think is easy: mine is a zombie part of my anatomy: I only use it for releasing urine. It is not needed for my daily interactions with people and colleagues, and I don't have a sex life or I am in a relationship. For now I am like an eunuch, but If my other mind problems are fixed in a future and start getting into relationships again, I will take that final decision. Until then, it can rest in its current place.

Hum, zombie part will come awake real fast when not tucked away. So why bother to tuck? At all? Just ... zombie stuff... or?

You see these are all half-backed notions that bring loads of ifs and buts along with them... go to a swimming pool, go sun bath, etc. etc. etc.
You either have female anatomy - or you don't.

Just saying...
Axélle

I don't mean "zombie" as it in "it won't work or raise".

I mean that I don't have a "sexual relationships" part in my life. At this moment I'm quite broken mentally. I have it quite difficult interacting with friends and having a normal social life, but when it comes to "love, a relationship, sex, etc" it's mythology and legends for me. I am too afraid to try. For the moment my first step into repairing myself is the "friends" part, and after that the "relationships, love, affect, sex" part would take place.  Since this one is something that is is not part of my life at this moment, it does not matter to me having a set of genitalia or the other, since the only thing I could use them for would be masturbation.

Let's say that I progress though the second issue and my genitalia is important in my life again. Then I would have to choose between taking the final step or not. But until then, I think it can wait.


PS: I can't even swim and haven't been to the beach for more than 15 years. I don't like people seeing my body, and... I don't like going alone.

Maintaining stealth and keeping the apendage for so long is finally crippling me mentally. So many simple things I can't do for paranoia. What if something happens to me that requires any medical attention in my office? Swimming is out and the gym is very difficult. Tucking all day is seriously painful. And I mean good tucking where there is litte bulge. Tucking makes my torso look longer than it is and it never looks natural. Every day before I walk out of my door I have to examine meticulously how good the tucking is and rearrange. It's on my mind every moment because of the uncomfortable pressure down below and because of the paranoia of accidentally untucking. I need SRS soon otherwise my mental health will be at risk.

Quote from: Bella on August 26, 2012, 10:25:56 AM

"Yeah, she's got a penis. No, she wants to keep it. So? She's still a woman!" That just doesn't go down well with most people, and if you can't see why then you need to get your head out of the transbucket, and into the "regular" world, where men have penises and women have vaginas, which is the place where most people live.

Just being realistic.

It is being realistic and it is the real world, its also always been my experience, men will never never except a woman with a penis, my Fiancé who is now my husband I don't believe would have excepted me as a woman if I still had a penis, I now have a vagina, he now excepts me as a complete woman, no man wants a woman with a penis, they want a woman with a pussy, thats the way it is and thats life, its not an opinion, its a fact.
Final surgery srs was painful, but was necessary to feel being complete as a woman, Im now all woman to my husband, women don't have a penis, we leave that to the guys.
Pauline

BTW, the waiting line with social security here is of two years since you are approved for SRS until you get it done (one surgery every 90 days, more or less). The requisite for approval is one year on HRT and psychiatric supervision, although no mention is made to being in Full time mode.

Well, If I decide to do it in the end, I will have plenty of time for saying goodbye to the monster.

I was about eleven I guess, when i told my brother I wanted to chop my penis off. I can;t remember that but my elder brother does. I also told my mother I wanted to cut it off when i was twelve. That i can remember because that was when i first heard the word "mutilate". In the first six months of crossdressing it didn't occur to me that i would actually go the whole way. Then when all of these things in my childhood occurred to me again, it became clear that it was going to happen sooner or later, even though i thought I would never be able to afford it at the time.

I have a date in December, and I got my letter last week... but a recent bout of depression stopped me from being as euphoric as I might have been. i'll probably feel great about it in a few more weeks' time!

Quote from: Apples Mk.II on August 26, 2012, 11:37:17 AM
I don't mean "zombie" as it in "it won't work or raise".

I mean that I don't have a "sexual relationships" part in my life. At this moment I'm quite broken mentally. I have it quite difficult interacting with friends and having a normal social life, but when it comes to "love, a relationship, sex, etc" it's mythology and legends for me. I am too afraid to try. For the moment my first step into repairing myself is the "friends" part, and after that the "relationships, love, affect, sex" part would take place.  Since this one is something that is is not part of my life at this moment, it does not matter to me having a set of genitalia or the other, since the only thing I could use them for would be masturbation.

Whenever I think of zombie I think of something that wants to bit into my skull and eat my braaaaaiinnnsss, but that's just me. 

Seriously, though. I think you have a good set of priorities there as far as friends, relationships, and sex goes. I felt broken for years and tried my best to just shut things out and not think about them. Even now the course of hormones I am on sometimes kills off any desire for sexual relationships. Not only that, it makes it almost impossible to feel attraction to people, or remember what it is like to feel attracted to anyone. I get despondent about the future at these times, with the same haunting worry as you...and I am even in a relationship at the moment. So even though i have my permission to go ahead with SRS, at the moment I still have the same thoughts as you do "what's the point in paying all that money and having all that pain if I still won't be able to enjoy sexual pleasure in my life?"

But things never do stay the same. Three months ago I believed it would be impossible for me to be in any kind of relationship, but here I am in one. If I try to remind myself of what i thought was impossible three years ago and what has happened to me now,  then i see that all sorts of things are possible in time. Doesn't always work when i'm feeling like crap, though.