Quote from: Noey Noonesson on August 26, 2012, 06:14:57 PM
For whom the following is relevant, people who pass, had SRS, etc.

I would question whether you are being "honest" and "Sharing who/what you really are," by confessing your trans history or whether you are limiting yourself and putting the stops on who you might otherwise be able to become.

Okay, I haven't had SRS and I'm not certain of the extent to which I pass (I seemed to "pass" more before I had my hair cut). So, maybe I shouldn't be trying to address this.

To me, I'm not limiting myself by admitting that I'm trans. To me, I'm completing myself. I don't see it as a chain, but has a thread that ties me to my children, other loved ones, and my past.

There was a person at the Trans Parents support group who actually got upset that I address myself as my children's father and as the ex-husband of my former spouse. He felt that I was adopting a heteronormative stereotype by identifying the way I do. Really? A woman who's a father and ex-husband? That seems queer, to me.

But the biological and historical facts are that I am their father, not their mother. I didn't carry them inside me. I didn't have two Caesarean sections (1 emergency, the other planned). I didn't nourish them with my body (in utero or through breastfeeding). I was a man, now I'm a woman. I'm completing myself.

At least, that's how I see it.

Sure, what works for me doesn't necessarily work for anyone else. For that matter, what works for me now might not necessarily work for me in the future.

Quote from: TessaM on August 27, 2012, 12:27:19 PM
Connie, I disagree with you to an extent. In my mind, I was in fact always a woman. I am finally taking the steps to show that to the world. If you see yourself as a "father" to your children and your ok with that, then thats fine! You cant exactly change your past right?...

This reminds me of Maupin's Tales of the City in which Mrs. Madrigal announces "I am not his mother, I am his father."

Being with a guy that doesn't know is one of the experiences I wish I'd have, but I haven't been single since long before SRS. I guess the closest I ever got was the guy I brought home who thought I had lied about being trans when he stuck his hand down my pants and found nothing since I was tucked.

If I was single again and met a guy I would probably keep my mouth shut and only tell if the relationship got serious.

Of all the guys that I was intimate with in my post-SRS manic romp, only one knew of my status and he thought of me as "trans" before I bedded him. Afterwards, he only thought of me as a woman. Moral: if you are post-op, there is no reason to tell. (Unless of course you get serious then maybe he should know)

Quote from: UCBerkeleyPostop on August 27, 2012, 03:39:20 PM
Moral: if you are post-op, there is no reason to tell. (Unless of course you get serious then maybe he should know)

Unless, of course, your new partner meets you're adult children who call you Dad.

No one is going to stop you from living your life as you choose.

Actually, I'm curious as to what anyone would do if you were post-op and your SO wanted kids or if he happens to drive you to the hospital for a checkup. What would you tell him then?

I would say that (like many other women) I cannot have kids.

And suppose I don't want kids?  Am I allowed to not have them?

I'm not a man living as a pretend woman, it isn't a game of hide and seek.  I am a woman and I will give you a woman's answer.

Quote from: DianaP on August 27, 2012, 05:34:33 PM
Actually, I'm curious as to what anyone would do if you were post-op and your SO wanted kids or if he happens to drive you to the hospital for a checkup. What would you tell him then?

In that case, I would say. If it gets to that point, and depending on how he would treat things of this sort, I would just say it. Like if it was any other physical issue. It wouldn't really be about being trans, it'd be about parenting, family planning, that kind of stuff. You can't expect anyone to react a certain way, but I highly doubt it would turn sour, especially if you look for certain qualities in people, like tolerance, open mindedness and respect for different walks of life.

But then again, I also dream about flying cows and talking cheese, so whatever...

Quote from: Elena G on August 27, 2012, 06:19:31 PM


But then again, I also dream about flying cows and talking cheese, so whatever...

OMG, I thought I was the only one O_O ...

Quote from: Noey Noonesson on August 27, 2012, 05:42:14 PM
I would say that (like many other women) I cannot have kids.

And suppose I don't want kids?  Am I allowed to not have them?

I'm not a man living as a pretend woman, it isn't a game of hide and seek.  I am a woman and I will give you a woman's answer.

Oh, I totally agree with you. I don't want kids and we're allowed not to have them (the world is already full of people anyhow...). I was just asking for a good way to get around the situation because I will most likely not tell any new acquaintances and I want to have a good story prepped of why I can't have kids, so as to not raise suspicions.

Kate Grimaldi (when I asked this same question of her) said to tell him that you were born with a birth defect that you overcame but that you cannot have kids because of that birth defect.

I partially disagree with Kate.

I think that words have power.  Saying I am "defective" is not an option for me.  I don't consider myself "defective".  I would just say, "I can't have kids."  And if he asked why I would say something like when I was born those parts didn't develop.  Or something like that.

Or I might just say that there are already so many unwanted kids in the world, honey... let's adopt a child.

But the truth is that I feel like I am too old to have kids.  And I can't afford to have kids.  And I don't have a boyfriend let alone a husband.

Just tell them you can't have kids because you were struck by lightning in your uterus. That'll derail the conversation.

I simply told my parents-in-law I couldn't have kids when they asked if we planned to have kids. They didn't ask why but I would imagine a bf or potential husband might be interested in getting the details.

Quote from: MariaMx on August 27, 2012, 07:11:40 PM
Just tell them you can't have kids because you were struck by lightning in your uterus. That'll derail the conversation.

No joke, I am actually using this.

Quote from: DianaP on August 27, 2012, 07:13:53 PM
No joke, I am actually using this.

*chuckles*





...no, REALLY?

Quote from: Elena G on August 27, 2012, 07:33:30 PM
*chuckles*





...no, REALLY?

Seriously, yes. It's one of those obvious lies that's code for "I don't really feel like talking about it since it's none of your business."

Oh... 

...ok.



Gosh, I wouldn't really like to go so far trying not to tell. I would like it to be something as normal as any other physical 'inconvenience'. Not seen the way it is seen, but more like the physical condition that we really know it is.

Like, if you are at a party five years from now:

Some T-Girl: 'I can't have kids, I was born with the wrong body'
Me: 'Oh, me too!'

Same girl: 'I have this new gloss...'
Me: 'Me too!!!'




...and so on. 

Alright, well that works too. I still have plenty of time.

Quote from: Elena G on August 27, 2012, 07:56:11 PM
Gosh, I wouldn't really like to go so far trying not to tell. I would like it to be something as normal as any other physical 'inconvenience'. Not seen the way it is seen, but more like the physical condition that we really know it is.

Like, if you are at a party five years from now:

Some T-Girl: 'I can't have kids, I was born with the wrong body'
Me: 'Oh, me too!'

Same girl: 'I have this new gloss...'
Me: 'Me too!!!'




...and so on. 

I have tried to imagine such a universe on many occasions but I don't think it is happening any time soon.