Heya Everyone,

One of my friends lost her child minder last week so as I am off work at the moment I offered to pick up her kids after school on Monday and Tuesday this week, then look after them till she and her husband get home.  Although I have been to school quite a few times with this friend and my other friend when they are picking their kids up I have never actually picked the kids up on my own, so was feeling a little nervous.  I also live about an hour away from my friends so was worried about making it to school on time, to get there I need to take a train in to Liverpool and then catch a bus over to where my friends live. There was nothing to worry about though as I made the journey without any problems both times, I have even had time to chat with some of the mums I know through my friends which has really been nice.  There have been no problems picking her kids up and on the whole they have been really well behaved.  Her youngest boy is 5 and the eldest one is 7, I have known both of them since before I transitioned and can remember how much fun my friend and I had trying to get them both to start calling me Becky.  It took them both a little while to do so but for the last 2 years they have been absolutely fine.

However on Monday I was sitting in the living room with both boys whilst they were watching TV when the youngest boy came over to me and asked me if my old name used to be Ste.  I told him that he was right and that was once my name so he then said that my name was now Becky, so again I said that he was right.  He went quiet for a moment and I could tell he was thinking about something, he then asked if I was a boy or a girl.  I told him that I was a girl and he then asked if I used to be a boy, so I told him that I did used to be a boy.  He then shocked me by asking if being a boy was what used to make me so sad !!  I spent quite a lot of time staying with this friend before transitioning as I was feeling really down about things so I said that it did used to make me sad.  He then asked if being a girl made me happy so I told him it did and with that he just smiled at me and went back to watching TV as though nothing had happened.

So today (Tuesday) I left both boys watching TV whilst I went to the loo.  No sooner I had finished having a wee when there a knock on the door and the eldest boy was saying he needed to wash his hands.  Kids never cease to amaze me with their ability to want to get in the bathroom about 30 seconds after you go in there so I asked him to wait and then let him in when I was done.  I put the toilet lid down on the seat and sat down whilst he was washing his hand.  He started laughing and said that I had been doing a poo as the toilet seat was down and broke out in to a fit of giggles.  I presume it must be their age as both of this friends boys and my other friend's boys who are pretty much the same age seem to be at that stage where any mention of bodily functions or body parts seems to be really funny !!  I said I had just been having a wee, he stopped giggling and then asked if girls always sit down to wee as he always stands up.  I told him that they do indeed sit down and he then asked if I used to be a boy !!  I must admit to being a little surprised having just had a similar conversation with his younger brother the day before.  As I had previously done on Monday I explained that I did used to be a boy but that I was now a girl, he just looked at me and then proceeded to grin at me as though Christmas had come early.  He then said he wouldn't want to be a girl as he likes boys toys better and his friends would laugh if he played with girls toys.  I carefully explained that you shouldn't laugh at anyone because of the toys they play with and that you should play with whatever toys make you happy.  He just nodded his head, left the bathroom and went back down stairs.

I really don't know if I would have been best avoiding their questions or if the best thing to do with kids this age is to just be honest, which is what I have tried to be.  I got the impression they were just curious and in some ways I am surprised it's taken them this long to actually ask questions.  I haven't had a chance to speak with my friend about what they have asked me but will do so on Friday as I am taking the kids to the park after school and will see her when she gets home from work that evening.  Hopefully I haven't said anything to either of her kids that she will think inappropriate but we will see what she says.

Becky
xx

Hi Becky,
I think you did very well.
Becky the kids have gotten comfortable with you and are just curious.
If you hadn't answered the questions as openly and honestly as you did they would have though that there was something wrong. Maybe with you changing from a boy to a girl. But now they can see that you are a nice person and that you are happy. I think you have help two boys understand that TS people are not weird or bad but good people.
Way to go Becky.

Jillieann, Parent & Grandparent.

I can't imagine that your friends would be upset.  After all, they do know your history do they not?    You were very honest and forthright with the children.  When given honest answers, kids accept them for the most part and that's that.  It's only when a topic is taboo that it becomes a wonderful source for snickering.

My mother's surname was Mann.  When I was a child, my father used to joke in company that my mother "was a Mann before she was married".  Of course, I heard it just like he intended that she "was a man before she was married".  I always thought that I would be able to change into a girl and get married just like my mom!  Was I bummed when I learned the truth.

Becky, I think you did a wonderful job with your explanation.  Those kids are very fortunate to be able to learn these things from someone who knows so early in life.  It's hard to learn it later after you've been taught all the other crap most people have to unlearn  first.

Cindi

Those responses seemed appropriate, I can't see why your friend would have a problem. I think simple honest answers are the way to respond to children. You should talk to your friend, just so she is prepared for possible follow up conversations with the children. I think you did a great job with their curiosity. I also found it interesting that one picked up on how happy you are now.

Hugs,

Rhonda

Heya Everyone,

Thanks for you comments, sorry its taken a while to reply but the weekend and the start of this week have been a little hectic.

I mentioned the conversations that had taken place to my friend just so she knew what had gone on and she seemed quite happy with what I had told her boys.  She felt it was a real shame that a lot more adults cant be as accepting as young kids seem to be !!  Honesty really is the best option as most of you have said, especially with curious kids.  Both of my friends know my history but my other friends kids dont and all their kids go to the same school.  So just as a precaution I also mentioned the conversations that had taken place to my other friend, if her kids ask anything at least she is ready to answer any questions.

Becky
xx