I still really need to present as male for my business and dealing with customers, but it's been a hot summer in California and I wear sort of gender neutral shorts and tank tops during the days...but my legs are always silky smooth and my toenails always have nice clear polish on them, on top of that my hair is getting much longer and is in a ponytail all day long and my girlish mannerisms are becoming more natural and it's also getting harder to switch back into boy mode when customers come to the shop (appointment only btw)

So far no one has said anything negative and the longer hair is no big deal in my industry...bound to happen sooner or later and I will just deal with it then I suppose.

Other than that I absolutely love being able to be my real self after hours and on the weekends, it's quite private here at the ranch with no visible neighbors and nobody really dropping by unannounced.

One of these days "boy mode" will just be a memory

After pretending to be male all those years it sure seems to slip away easier than I thought it would.

Anybody else go thru this?

I was a night watchman for a week shift one week in every three. It got to a point where the two weeks I had off was girl mode and the boy mode was only for night shifts. It actually helped a lot because hardly anyone would see me on the shifts, only one or two people were in the building, and then i would ride back home in the mornings before many people came for work. My skin was changing, I had rashes from electrolysis, my breasts were growing, as was my hair, which i kept in a ponytail or under a beanie. I also polished my nails. One colleague noticed that over the last year I had stopped looking at the ground when walking along (an old habit I had when I didn't wish to observe the outside world). The person who delivered newspapers to the building must have sensed some change and became all hypermasculine if he saw me. I decided just to avoid him altogether and be in another part of the building around delivery time if at all possible. I stopped doing the job and went full time before any more changes happened, though.

Yup.... I loved that phase. So much less worry about if you pass or not. Passing in boy mode is sort of like being called beautiful out of the blue. I had to get fired to come out of boy mode permanently though. Now that I'm full time, I will die before going back.

I keep saying that I'd like to stay in boy mode as long as possible, but... lately is the opposite.

well...this Genie is never going "back into the bottle" so I will make the best with what I have

At least I have enough naturally feminine attributes to make me feel good about myself, girls have always commented on my long legs and have been envious of my fingernails which grow fast and strong, and for many many years women have commented on my hair color and how can they get theirs to look like it without spending hundreds of dollars...these are things I just took for granted growing up.

I love being a girl and just wish I would have tried at a much younger age to erase the male parts! but for now I am much much happier and that is a good thing

Quote from: Michelle G on August 31, 2012, 01:48:14 PM
I love being a girl and just wish I would have tried at a much younger age to erase the male parts! but for now I am much much happier and that is a good thing

Me too hon... the young thing is never enough. I wish I could've erased the male parts while I was still a fetus

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on August 31, 2012, 02:32:48 PM
Me too hon... the young thing is never enough. I wish I could've erased the male parts while I was still a fetus

omg yes!!!  "fetus mind over matter" now that would be impressive

I know what you mean.. I have realized that my boymode is kind of a mixup nowadays :S, I just cant stand looking all male =/.



I hate boymode but will need to stay in it until my nose is fixed which will be in this winter.. I just need to come up with something to sell to get the money first .

Yes I can relate Honey... I too have to present in boy drag every now an then. I can't stand it and it seems like I have to put more effort into passing as a boy now. I get people looking at me more and more when I present as male. I'm just waiting for that day when I completely fail at passing as male. Then I think that I will go full time (not that it will be much of a choice then). I'm feeling that my time is very limited now and I want to keep trying to pass as a male while I can, because I figure once it's gone it's gone for good.

I could not pass a 'male' any more, thank the gods.

I would rather cut off my leg, than do that.

Quote from: Reagan on August 31, 2012, 03:10:51 PM
Yes I can relate Honey... I too have to present in boy drag every now an then. I can't stand it and it seems like I have to put more effort into passing as a boy now. I get people looking at me more and more when I present as male. I'm just waiting for that day when I completely fail at passing as male. Then I think that I will go full time (not that it will be much of a choice then). I'm feeling that my time is very limited now and I want to keep trying to pass as a male while I can, because I figure once it's gone it's gone for good.

exactly!!  well said


So today I was riding my motorcycle doing errands and people kept staring at me as they went by...whats up with that I thought? it finally donned on me that as my t-shirt would blow up in the wind a bit you could see my lacy pink panties above my jeans waist...oops

Quote from: Michelle G on August 31, 2012, 05:58:30 PM
exactly!!  well said


So today I was riding my motorcycle doing errands and people kept staring at me as they went by...whats up with that I thought? it finally donned on me that as my t-shirt would blow up in the wind a bit you could see my lacy pink panties above my jeans waist...oops

LOL that made me laugh .

Well, this is what I have to work with, took this last night while watching tv.

I do have a little bit of hips and very long legs, when I wear short-shorts and a tight, pretty tank top its not to bad for being all natural so far.

Those legs are awful hard to hide in "boy mode" while wearing shorts...but thats just the way its gonna be

I'm in that situation too. From April to August I was almost full-time, which meant that whenever I felt up to it, I presented as female. I had no job in that period, but my former employer gave me a little extra money as a compensation, so I explored my possibilities. I concluded that I'm almost ready and I feel really great as a girl but I can't maintain that look consistently enough for me to be totally comfortable and go full-time.

So I had to get a new job as a man (man, yeah sure..). That was disturbing because I liked what I saw in that 4 months. I liked myself for the first time in my life for more than a few hours, but I wanted to be prepared.

The first problem was my CV. I had to take a picture which does resemble a guy and doesn't scream weird from 1000 miles away. That was hard. I can't really fake a smile if I'm not in the mood so in the end I had to manipulate the picture so I didn't look like I'm gonna kill somebody. That alone took quite some time. I didn't think I succeeded very much so I made the picture as tiny as possible.

I was lucky, got a job quite quickly, but oh girl.. that job interview... Mr. this, Mr. that, Mr. blabla, it felt so freaking strange, it was only 4 month of girl mode and it felt strange that I was addressed as Mr. and quite a few times I had to restrain myself really hard not to slip back into girlish mannerisms.
At my previous job I tried to minimize my visible girlish things and that was quite easy because we had to wear a uniform and gloves that covered most of our bodies and wasn't in any way feminine.

That new job is entirely a new story. It's not a factory as it was at my previous job. It is a little office with no dress code. I get to wear anything I want, and after 4 months of really great time in girl mode I just couldn't go back to that "hide everything feminine" thing. So I have no visible body hair, I have long hair, my fingernails are quite feminine sometimes, I wear women's jeans and women's shoes(only trainers) and although I try to act not too girly there are quite a few times when I realize that I have a lot less control over that than I had a few months ago.
The worst thing is, I want more. I know that I need that job to fix my life and I can't afford to lose it and I like it so far, but I want to be me.

This is a good thread. Easy to relate to as although each of our journeys are different, we all experience similar challenges.
My avatar is me home from work. As boyish as it gets these days. I still work in boy mode and plan to go full time in November after a little FFS next month to polish of the edges.
I work in the community as a health professional and recently new clients have made comments about my appearance. One lady spoke to me all through her assessment as if I was a woman "well we know what men are like don't we dear" etc etc. Another client just blurted out when I was introduced to him "Mr? That's a man? Funny looking man?" that was awkward. A visit to a solicitors resulted in me being mistaken for a mrs Saunders and introduced as such to a law student. That was embarrassing.
So yes. It can be awkward. Being in boy mode now only results in funny looks or people assuming I might be a woman. Fun times. X

Joanna, that would really make my day to hear that you are very pretty btw, I can see why they would be confused! I'm sure you are quite stunning all dressed up and ready to go out

I had one customer say "yer such a girl....we should just call you Michelle" when I got all animated talking about an art projecti was doing for them, lol. Michael to Michelle isn't really a stretch as far as names go I guess.

Headed off to the city in boy mode today wearing jeans and tshirt,  but my toenails are pretty coral color and I have on my prettiest lacee undies

Met up with family at Lake Tahoe last weekend, they came down from Seattle to visit for a few days...had a good time and of course took some pics at Squaw Valley, the beach at the lake etc.
Looking at the pics, even though I was in boy mode I totally instinctively posed like a girl without even thinking about it don't know if they will notice it or not but its pretty obvious lol.

Sure do love it there though!