Anyone experience this kind of thing. First I felt I was androgyne. Then ftm-ish (I called it ftm lite). I felt pretty sure I would not go on T or have surgery. Now I am not sure.

Almost the biggest issue for me is getting misgendered. I get very angry. At work I have had to misgender myself (introduce myself as Miss _____). This is just vile. The up side is that I won't be here much longer.

I don't see myself having to misgender myself for more than one more year. But I am really disliking this. I want a new name (and not just a nickname). 
Seems like all of a sudden I turned a corner or something.

--Jay Jay

I've never really understood where I stand on the gender line... I've learned to accept that I am both male and female in different aspects, but found I like to be interpreted as male to the general public, but I don't truly identify as either. 

I've wanted top surgery since I hit puberty (Take them off, please!). But hormones have been a debate for me for the past 8 years. Over the past 3 months or so, I've been trying not to label myself as anything. I've started seeing my journey as coming closer to what I truly am, even if I don't know exactly what I am, if that makes any sense...

Are you coming closer to accepting yourself, and that's why you feel the way you do about being "misgendered"? Which gender do you want to present as to the general public? That's the main question that helped me figure out where I want to go with everything. Are you ok with just being "genderqueer" to people who really know you as long as everyone else see's you as one gender or another?

I think a lot of people experience these type of feelings while transitioning. You are opening yourself up to literally a new world of possibilities when it comes to how you are seen by others, how you view yourself/your body, how it will affect every aspect of your life and etc.

If this is truly what you need then it soon becomes impossible for most to even imagine returning to the half-life you led prior to beginning to live as your true gender.
Maybe before, when you ID'd as androgyne or ftm lite, it was because you were not ready to accept that you may have been born trans after living so long as 'female' in society. Now, you've been able to digest all the info and options out there, and it's time to make some choices.

Quote from: Icarus389 on September 01, 2012, 10:02:54 PM
I've never really understood where I stand on the gender line... I've learned to accept that I am both male and female in different aspects, but found I like to be interpreted as male to the general public, but I don't truly identify as either. 

I've wanted top surgery since I hit puberty (Take them off, please!). But hormones have been a debate for me for the past 8 years. Over the past 3 months or so, I've been trying not to label myself as anything. I've started seeing my journey as coming closer to what I truly am, even if I don't know exactly what I am, if that makes any sense...

Are you coming closer to accepting yourself, and that's why you feel the way you do about being "misgendered"? Which gender do you want to present as to the general public? That's the main question that helped me figure out where I want to go with everything. Are you ok with just being "genderqueer" to people who really know you as long as everyone else see's you as one gender or another?

I think your description of yourself would suit me as well-- not liking to be read as female but not feeling fully one or the other. It's a very thoughtful post! Thanks. I think I do identify as genderqueer but society doesn't really accept genderqueer so you get gendered as one or the other. If not maybe I wouldn't mind so much. I dress/present male, however, there is no way that I pass at all. I believe I am read as being on the butch side (or tomboy?). I have very thin arms and am 5 foot 1 and petite. (I kind of hate that word now, but there is no denying it). I don't really like being read as female-- in fact I hate it with a passion and get angry in a sort of hard to describe why. I am referring to misgendered as being called "ma'am" and so on. (I am finding it hard to post in the androgyne section anymore as some people there seem very content with how they are gendered.) I feel more dysphoria-- not less. Everything, I think, is just getting more so than it was. (I do know of at least a couple ftms that really do feel genderqueer and not so much male but they do feel better presenting as male.)

I am opposite of you in one way-- while I dislike my chest a LOT, am drawn to T (moth towards flame perhaps). I am really scared of surgery (in general), almost like a phobia.

Funny thing (or maybe not). I have been in gender therapy about a month or two. I am not at all feeling less angry and so on about being misgendered-- maybe more so.

--Jay Jay

It's easy to overthink gender.  It took me a long time to be ready to transition because I would question, do I really identify as male or just want to look that way?  Does gender even exist?  How do you "identify as" something you're physically not?
And on and on and on.  I asked myself so many questions I was paralyzed.

In the end, I decided it doesn't really matter if I can rationalize my decision or not.  All that mattered was that I did want to get on T and have surgery, and that so far I have not regretted that decision at all.

Take your time and think about what's right for you, but be careful not to overthink it.

When it actually happens to you, after thinking a certain way for awhile, or thinking that you've figured yourself out a bit and then your ideas start to change, it can be a little jarring. But I think it's totally natural.

I'm one of those people that believes there's a lot of variation in gender. Sure, it may seem that the majority is completely fine being either male or female and they never question it, but there's a percentage of people who are somewhere else on the spectrum.

Yeah Sly, you make a lot of good points too. Even though I feel kind of paralyzed by it, it seems reasonable that I go thru a process. After all, it is has only been 5 months or so. (Actually one could say it has been all my life-- I can really see it, but I mean in an organized way or something.)
Actually I am in counseling. I am definitely not finding myself becoming less trans!!

How do you identify with something you do not appear to be? Really good question isn't. I think might be the heart of what trans is.

--Jay Jay