Hey guys tomorrow I have to dress out in PE. I'm a little nervous because last year there was only four or five girls in my PE class (that actually dressed out) and now it's more than twenty girls. I consider myself male and it's always awkward for me when I have to be with the girls for example I hate it when I have to be on the girls team or when I have to be in the girls line. It's not like I have anything against the ladies, but for the love of god it's getting worse each year that I have to be forced to be someone I'm not. I feel like an outcast. I usually try to get out of there as soon as possible so I can avoid having to hear about who menstruated today or whatever. Oh and I also want to talk about this little incident that happened in the eighth grade that is probably the main reason why I don't want to dress out. I had to take my jacket off that day and as soon as this girl turned around she pointed at my chest and said, "Oh my god! You have breasts! You have a body!" There are no words to describe how embarrassed I was. I wanted to knock her out so bad. And a boy was standing right next to her and smiling. I felt like I wanted to run into the bathroom and never come out for the rest of the day. Let me just say that my chest is very small. It's so small that if I wear a loose shirt nothing won't be seen so I don't know how she could of seen those things that don't belong on my chest. My fear is when I take my shirt off some other girl is going to turn to me and say the exact same thing. How did you guys (or girls) put up with having to take PE in high school?

I'm not sure what you mean by "dressing out" but I'll chime in with my experiences anyway.

I didn't know I was trans when I was still in school but I did know that I was extremely uncomfortable with my body. To make it worse I went to a sports college...PE every day...sometimes twice or even three times. Oh joy -_-

I would purposely turn up late to every PE lesson....if I turned up at all. So that everyone else would already be changed and I could have the place to myself, then on the way out I would do the same, just wait until everyone was gone. If they took too long and the next class started to come in I would just put my uniform back on over my PE kit. I also refused to wear the PE uniform, which was shorts and t-shirt, I instead wore a tracksuit. I told them if they had a problem with that, I would simply not turn up, or blatantly refuse to change - I spent many a lesson doing my homework sitting on the benches at the side of the hall while everyone else did their PE. My mother was called in but she backed me up and said if I didn't want to show off my body then that should be my decision. Teachers have very little power, they absolutely cannot make you do something you don't want to do. Sure I was in detention pretty much every day for always being late and "having an attitude" but whatever, nobody ever saw me changing so it was worth it to me.

I honestly had to suck it up and deal with it. I tried to get permission to change in the bathroom or in the nurse's office, but the nurse wouldn't agree to it and the school refused to let me change in the bathroom.

Then again, my school wasn't so great with different kids. I don't know where you live, but there may be laws protecting your rights that will entitle you to using an alternative changing room or even an alternative *class*.

Are you out to your parents/are your parents supportive of you? Having a supportive parent can be most helpful when it comes to dealing with school. I had my name legally changed when I was a senior in high school, and they refused to change it on the roster(even though I had a COURT ORDER) until my mother came in with me and was my advocate. When you're young, you really need a supportive adult on your side. I had a teacher in the school that I could count on to have my back and defend me to the administration if need be. When you have people that will stand with you, it's easier to make progress and get to a place where you're more comfortable. I couldn't have an alternative to PE, or an alternative dressing situation, but I was able to get my name and gender changed through the school and had safe places to go if I needed them. Just having those spaces where you can be yourself without any issue is vital, I think.

If your parents support you or know, talk to them about how you feel and ask them for their help. Explain why PE is difficult for you and bring them to your school's counseling department or wherever it is you can get your classes changed/accommodations made. Research your area's laws on trans issues and discrimination and try to find a support group that can educate you on how to deal with this. Get a meeting with your school counselor when you have all of this information together, bring your parents or supportive adult with you and explain the situation. If you know what you're legally entitled to, you can ask for it.

Now, if it turns out that you have to take gym, try and get permission to change in the bathroom or in the nurse's office. Have a plan in place. If you absolutely cannot work with the girls, see if there's an alternative activity you can do.

Point is, you need to have a plan in place. Know what your rights are and figure out what you'd like to do if you have alternatives available to you.

Hope that helps!

EDIT EDIT: Oh, I almost forgot! I don't know what year you're in, but my school had a program for juniors that allowed them to take necessary classes(the ones that would give them credit towards graduation) for free. I took a few courses and ended up only needing three classes total during my senior year of high school. Basically, I went to school late, and only went in every other day. It helped a lot with my anxiety and I was able to do more productive things - like get a job to save for surgery and HRT etc...See what's available to you!

Unfortunately, my parents do not support me nor do they accept the fact that I'm transgender. To be honest they act like I never told them how I feel on the inside which was two years ago. By that I mean they make absolutely no effort to use male pronouns or even consider getting me started on t. I'm a junior in high school. When I was a sophomore I told a counselor how I felt and it was HORRIBLE. I wish I would have never said anything to her. She called the nurse and asked her to talk to me about the dangers and risks of having a sex change. The whole time I was there she kept talking about my genitals and my sexual orientaion. I have one friend and I haven't seen her in a really long time. We go to the same school and I came out to her two years ago I think. She doesn't really understand what transgender is so I don't have support from her either. So basically I don't have anyone to stand up for me. My family is homophobic and transphobic and very religious. I'm also thinking about telling my pe coach i'm trans to see if there is an alternative to dressing out but i'm afraid she'll tell my parents

In that case, I would suggest you not tell your coach if you're afraid it'll go back to your parents. Better safe than sorry, I think. Have you considered asking your parents to let you see a therapist(pretend it's for other issues) and try and build support with them?

Imo, what your school nurse and counselor did was completely inappropriate. Yes, it's good to educate someone about transition - including the risks - but scare tactics are immature and get nothing done. There are support groups a therapist can integrate you into, though, and you can make friends with people who are going through close issues who might be better at supporting you.

Worst comes to worst, you only have this year and senior year left, and then you can get away from your family and start over.

My parents were looking for a therapist for me to talk to but they haven't found one yet. Why? Because they are looking for a particular therapist who's a christrian. I think what's best for me is to wait after I graduate high school and just start seeing a therapist and transition then. It sucks. I hope things get better for me eventually. I remember asking my mom when i was 15 if i could transition at 18 and she said yes, but I don't think she really meant it. I just wish I could have more supportive and open-minded parents. It's hard when you have to hear your own mother tell you being different is a sin.

Quote from: Ryan1995 on September 03, 2012, 11:59:22 AM
My parents were looking for a therapist for me to talk to but they haven't found one yet. Why? Because they are looking for a particular therapist who's a christrian. I think what's best for me is to wait after I graduate high school and just start seeing a therapist and transition then. It sucks. I hope things get better for me eventually. I remember asking my mom when i was 15 if i could transition at 18 and she said yes, but I don't think she really meant it. I just wish I could have more supportive and open-minded parents. It's hard when you have to hear your own mother tell you being different is a sin.

This is something I don't get about 'Christians'. I don't know what kind of Christian your mom is, but in the bible it says you have to care for people and respect them. Is this wrong? Because I have been a Christian till I was 14-15 and I have been reading really much of the bible and what I (at least) gets from it is: love, peace and respect. I mean if god made us all unique, then he makes people trans now and then.

I live in Texas so i think when the weather gets cooler i might wear my gym clothes under my uniform. From what i've learned in growing up in a christian household is that people interpret the bible in their own ways if that makes sense. I think what my mom has to say about me being transgender comes from her own ignorance and bigotry and not what the bible supposedly has to say about transgender ppl.

not the best advice but i completely ditched pe because of this

It's unfortunate to say, but it sounds like you're going to have issues either way it goes =[. Personally, it seems like you have two choices. .
1.) Just suck it up and deal with "dressing out," maybe layer up so your chest appears completely flat.

2.) Stand up for yourself, stick your head up, brace yourself/prepare for the worse, and tell your PE teacher what's going on. Tell the teacher may not help at all, but it's worth a shot.
*Also try telling your principle and find out from your counselors if it's even necessary to take PE again. I know at our school only 2 semester credits are required.
Anyways, back to standing up for yourself. I say be persistent in that you'd like to be grouped with the boys in playing, included with the boys, etc. I'd go as far as just walking over to the boys group myself if that's how your gym class runs. You might get some mess from your peers, but like I said, prepare for the worse.
Honestly, there were days that I really just wanted to skip gym all together, but I sucked it up and by the end of the year I got my way and the teacher was just basically like "Screw it, evidently the kid isn't going to stop."

That's just me, I'm rather stubborn, but if I'm going to be treated badly either way, I'd rather go the route that involves me standing up for what's right and should be. I know everyone's circumstances are different though. 

Also, I'm not sure what part of Texas you live in, but I would do some serious research and see if your city has any laws that protect people regardless of gender identity. I'd also reach out to some support groups/legal groups in the area.

Good luck, really! High school is hell man, but you can do it