Susan's Place Logo

News:

According to Google Analytics 25,259,719 users made visits accounting for 140,758,117 Pageviews since December 2006

Main Menu

It's Time

Started by Hopeless, September 04, 2012, 04:48:03 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Hopeless

Hello my fellow internet users,
I know none of you know me, and I dont know you well. Although i've never posted here, I frequent this website, and many others like it. I'm sharing this story with you all because, honestly, i have noone else to share it with. I am broken; Stuck in the reality knowing i'll never be who I really am. Stuck living a lie. A few moments ago, I finally came to the bitter realization of that. I pushed the idea aside, keeping hope in a different future, but thats gone now. It was like a switch going off; it didnt fade, or slip, it was there and then it was just gone. Tommorrow I will go to work, and then i'm going to kill myself. For a long time I have pondered this decision, but decided against because of the normal reasons, because of my family/friends disappointment, because I had things I wanted to finish, because I still had HOPE. But ...its gone. No one will suspect it either until its too late. I put on a good show. I always have. I've been like this forever and no one knows who I am. I am, jokes aside, the dudliest dude you will ever meet. I dont fit into the stereotypes. Im not the feminine male, who hangs out with all the other girls, and isint afraid to show their emotion. Im not the bully, who makes others miserable, and calls out others to avoid attention being brought upon me. Im just an average person ...with an average life. In fact, I was quite the opposite. I'm a pretty big guy, genetically muscular (I've tried losing the muscles I have, its impossible). I don't get sad about anything on the outside. I do as most guys do; I bury it. I was the polar opposite of a bully too. I was part of every circle. I partied with the jocks (drinking, smoking, doing stunts from jackass), I played PC games with the techies at lunch (I was the master at counter strike), I studied with the preps, and played sports with the homies (not meaning to sound racist, thats just always what they would say) I was the chameleon. I can blend into any group/situation/event. I keep a good cover. Everyday I lived this life. Even better, people believe im some kind of charmer. I've had a few girlfriends, which didnt work out for the obvious reasons, but they never knew. Most of them dated me because of a rumor that went around that said I was good in bed, and had an unusually large member, which is ironic since i've never had sex. Ever. I just couldn't. I see a girl and i want to be her, not be with her. It didnt use to be so bad. It's gotten worse. I use to just play with the idea, id pretend to be a girl, sometimes id wear my sisters clothes sometimes, wearing stuff they left behind after they moved out. My parents split up when I was younger, and my father was rarely home after, so I had alot of private time. I would have a moment, then move on. Sometimes i'd pretend to be a girl on the internet. After some time, i couldnt keep my head straight. I found myself staring at girls, watching them. On the outside it looked like I was checking them out, taking interest in their appearence, but on the inside, I envied them. I imagined being them. ALL of them. As of right now, my only escape from these thoughts are if i keep busy. Dont stop working, doing chores, projects. Im the family genius as they put it so people are always bringing me stuff to fix. That helps. I find myself fighting my brain to the point of anger, banging my head to try to stop it. Drugs, alcohol, anything. I can't do this anymore. just looking at this wall of text, i feel stupid. If anyone actually reads this, I doubt anyone will, but if they do, I want you to know I've been through it all. I wished upon a thousand falling stars. I tried voodoo rituals, I offered my soul to every god listed in any culture, even the devils and demons. And a sex change isint for me. I could never afford it, I would never be accepted by my friends/family, i would NEVER pass for a girl (seriously, ever), and theres more to being a girl then a hole between your legs. I've already carried this out too long, so i'll end it. If anyone read this, I thank you, I really do. I know that doesnt mean much, but i just wanted at least one person to know the truth. Noone in my real life could ever know, and when i die tomorrow, I dont want to ruin the image of what my family thinks I am (Yes, im aware i'll already be doing that, but they'll draw their own conclusions as to why and accept it. If they knew the truth, they wouldnt even pay to bury me. I've always sucked at ending things, so i'll part with this; The internet was the closest thing I've had to being me. It was my escape. A way to realize my desires, and dream them. This was the best part of my life (sad I know). I hope you all get what you want in life, even if that doesnt mean much from me. I thank anyone who read this. Goodbye.
  •  

sandrauk

well you can be yourself here.

You won't always feel this way. Have you sought any help? How old are you?
  •  

Hopeless

I turn 25 this Sunday; Which is actually encouraging me to wait (again) since my mom is coming to visit. Tell her one last goodbye kinda thing. On the other hand, id rather not give her a chance to talk me out of it. She doesnt know what I am, but she can read me with a seconds glance. She wouldnt know why, but she'd know i'm dead inside. As far as feeling like this forever, ive known this alot earlier than most. I was confused before I was even 10. By the time I turned 13, I was sure of what I am. That's a few days before 12 years. Honestly, im just tired of all of it. I'd just rather not be, than be something im not, which is what I am now.
  •  

Asfsd4214

I've read your whole post, and there's something I want to ask.

Why post this? Don't mistake this for hostility because I am honestly trying to understand, if you have lost all hope, why tell us this?

I've been in situations I felt were hopeless, once so sure I was that there was no hope I tried to kill myself. Woke up in the hospital having overdosed.

Since then, my life hasn't become perfect, I still feel sad, I still feel depressed, but I don't for one moment regret surviving. A friend of mine at the time called the paramedics, I don't really remember a whole lot, I remember being on the phone saying how hopeless it was, I told him that I was sorry and that I'd already taken the pills and wouldn't be conscious and able to communicate much longer. After that point all I remember is flash's until I woke up with an IV in my arm.

But why did I call anyone, in the back of my mind I knew it would make it less likely for me to die, it wasn't that I didn't feel it was hopeless, it was that I wanted someone to prove me wrong, I wanted someone to care.

It didn't immediately get better after the attempt, immediately after I was sure I was going to try again and that my life was effectively over. It was only after a few weeks in a mental hospital I started wanting to keep on going.

This and other experiences have changed me, I don't fear death anymore, and a part of me does still somewhat long for it. But after the attempt, the friend I mentioned who called the paramedics, I fell in love with. Today I consider them my soul mate and we've been together nearly 2 years.

I'm telling you this story because I want to believe there's a part of you that can relate, that doesn't want to die but just wants the pain to stop. That's posting this because in the back of your mind, like me, you want desperately for someone to show you that there's an alternative.

If I had died then I would have missed out on many great things that have happened since then that I was absolutely positive I would never have.

If you want someone to talk too, just reply and tell me, I am happy to talk to you.

Please open your mind to the possibility that despite how absolutely positive you are, you could be wrong.

You will die, by your own hand or not it will come. I know that doesn't make you feel any better when you're in so much pain. But in some sick way for me, it was somewhat liberating. If you don't fear death, if you seek it out, then you have nothing to loose anymore. Consider going to the hospital, tell them that if they let you leave you will kill yourself.

People use the term 'a cry for help' like it's a bad thing, people cry for help because they need help. My suicide attempt was a cry for help, I hope your cry for help won't result in your death either.

Ask yourself, have you tried everything to change your life for the better? And I do mean everything, run away, go to the hospital, do something to make things change without having to die. You'll still die eventually, what have you to loose? Pain? I know it hurts, I know it hurts in ways you feel nobody else could imagine. Like you I have used drugs and other coping mechanisms to cope with the pain. I wish I could say those thoughts don't still influence me but they do.

When you die it's the end, and ultimately nobody, not me, not the administrators of this forum, not the police, can truly stop you if you seek death with single minded purpose.

You posted this, I want to believe it's because there's a small part of you that wants to be stopped. I hope that's the case. Life is precious, it's not easy and it certainly isn't fair, but it is precious and unpredictable.

Please keep talking with us, and let me know if you want to talk more privately.
  •  

Hopeless

Didn't reply on seeking help, But yes, as far as I can. I have tried the suicide hotlines when I get really down, but honestly, I walk away from those feeling worse. Constantly reminding me of all the people i'd hurt. Why should I be miserable so everyone else can have a sense of comfort? Especially since it's not permanent. They would forget about me over time, and the memory of me would fade. Life happens. What about a psychologist? I saw one before when I was younger, and let a bit of information out unrelated to this problem. My parents were instantly informed, and I was punished. My father has a huge stance against medical problems. My sister was diagnosed with dyslexia when she was younger. My father refused to believe it, telling her she was being lazy. He refused her any treatment, and forced the school to put her in normal classes. She eventually dropped out. (On a side note because I know that's a sad story; A bit of relief, she's bought tons of books just this year, and she's trying to get better. Still untreated, but she tries. It takes her longer than most, but she completes the books. One of her less appealing boyfriends made fun of her reading them aloud and I introduced him to the pavement. I'm proud of her, and always will be). My grandfather is also a pastor.  He's also the...sail to the family tree. He keeps everyone close, so there's no escape. My only help is the internet, again, sadly. And you wouldnt believe the measures I have to go thru to be able to use this as a resource. My mistake was showing the wrong people how to check logs. Now they know how to check my logs, and regularly do when they stop by. My eldest sister being one of the worst. Just to post here, right now, im behind 3 proxy walls, and an encypted connection. Lol. Crazy right? That's why I want out, there simply is no hope.

In response to Asfsd,
Because I want someone to know. I WANT SOMEONE TO KNOW WHO I AM. Seems silly. And I agree 100% with you. I don't want to die. I want as you said, for the pain to stop. But there's no way out. It's like being trapped in an oven with no escape. Just one knife. How long would you suffer the fire before you went for the faster end result? I really wish there was another way, and i'm open to suggestions, but like I said; this didnt just come up, and what I said before? about gods/demons/voodoo. Wasn't joking. Every christian god/demon, norse, greek, doesnt matter. Once you've gone as far as praying to anything, it's clear your out of options.
  •  

Hopeless

I am REALLY sorry about the walls of text. I'm actually quite reserved in person, barely going as far as a whole sentence, but online its like a floodgate i can't close.
  •  

Hopeless

I went to the hospital after a friend of mine shot himself. He left me a message on my cell phone that I had lost a week prior begging me for help a few hours before. I was buried in debt and was working all the time. I didnt have time to watch a TV show let alone hang out with friends. Anyways, the whole thing really tore me apart, and I ended up going to the hospital. I told them exactly what you said (literally). "If you let me walk out of these doors, I will kill myself, somehow, some way." I didnt say anything else the entire time I was there, not even responding to why. My father had me released only 4 hours later, despite the "required" 24 hour hold. My family is scary.
  •  

Asfsd4214

Quote from: Hopeless on September 04, 2012, 07:12:46 AM
I went to the hospital after a friend of mine shot himself. He left me a message on my cell phone that I had lost a week prior begging me for help a few hours before. I was buried in debt and was working all the time. I didnt have time to watch a TV show let alone hang out with friends. Anyways, the whole thing really tore me apart, and I ended up going to the hospital. I told them exactly what you said (literally). "If you let me walk out of these doors, I will kill myself, somehow, some way." I didnt say anything else the entire time I was there, not even responding to why. My father had me released only 4 hours later, despite the "required" 24 hour hold. My family is scary.

Do you love your family? I know some would wonder how I could even ask such a question, but I've seen what some more destructive families have done to people. If you love your family, which it sounds like you do, then I understand how conflicting it can be to love them and yet hate the actions they take. You want to love your family, you know they love you, but it can be extremely hard to reconcile that with how much they hurt you.

I was wondering if perhaps you could try running away. I ran away to another state after the mental hospital released me. It wasn't that I didn't love my mother (my only real family), but being around her was killing me.

If your family is a destructive influence in your life, perhaps you should leave them. You can tell them why, explain to them to whatever degree you see fit why you did it and that you still love them.

When I was in the situation not too unlike yours, as desperate as I was, some things seemed so extreme that you think they're impossible when they're not. If you're desperate enough to escape that you're willing to die, then maybe you could consider escaping in real life first.

It's hard to be specific without knowing much about you.

But if there's anything in the back of your mind, anything that comes into your thoughts but you dismiss, suicide seeming the better option, consider them. Not many people have been through enough to be completely liberated in their options. Not caring about the consequences. If there's anything you want to do, you know, provided it doesn't bring serious harm to others, do it.
  •  

Ms. OBrien CVT

As one who has tried suicide four times, I can truly say it does get better.  I did the head-hitting trying to drive it out.  When I slit my wrist the last time, I came to realize that no matter what I HAD to transition.

I was hair challenged, overweight and older (54 at the time).  But I began transition.  I could care lest about what others thought.  This was for me.  Yes, I got strange looks.  Yes, I was scared to death.  But it got better.

I went back to school and will graduate in February, as a Veterinary Technician.  And everyone sees me as a woman.

Yes it does get better.  Don't cheat yourself out of life.  Go forth and be the woman you were meant to be.

  
It does not take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one.~me
  •  

sandrauk

Sounds like you've had a tough time.
It's amazing how these things can really mess with your mind.
My first TG thoughts were at the age of three, my three, older, overbearing sisters dressed me up in a headscarf and said I looked pretty and I often wonder if they "turned me" or whether it was always in me.
I also spent years doing the church thing from five to thirteen. I never believed any of the BS they ranted, but  I had an open mind and got  to wear a nice frock ;D and sing like a girl. I actually thank the vicar who tried to beat the crap out of me and made my mind up on religion for me. 


But that's the past and it's done with. All we can do is look to the  future and try and improve that. What's your current situation /money home/friends /lifestyle?
  •  

Carolina1983

This might be worth nothing but... I tried to kill myself 3 years ago by driving a car into a tree. I failed! I saw no way out, was miserable and everything around me was total chaos.






Today I think back of what I did and I am truly happy that I failed because I would have ended everything by thinking that I could never be happy and I was WRONG! My life now is better than ever, not great by any means but I enjoy it and so can you if you take the right decision.


You only live once, dont end it yourself because believe me you will be enough dead anyway.


There is always hope, you can always do what you want.. Its all about willpower and letting go of fears that hold you back.




  •  

Hopeless

asfsd, I do care about my family, all of them. Even my father. I know I just painted him in a bad light, but he believes highly in reputation. He believes I directly affect others opinions about him also. In a weird way I do. I can't run away either. They would find me. The only way I could really disappear (kind've a dream of mine I use to have) is if I leave the country, and completely change, fall off the radar, and maybe reenter the country as an immigrant. Seems excessive I know. Only problem is then thats reason for the FBI to get involved and I cant disappear from them. Im not a secret agent. If that's not enough, I made up this huge story about me joining the peace core about two years ago, hoping to sneak off and pull this off. Move to chicago, get a job, save up money, disappear, under the radar but in the guidelines. I could keep sort've in contact, just not in person. I told my mom about it and she started yelling and crying, said she would kill herself if I did. I just CAN'T win.

As far as my situation im screwed. I don't even have those options anymore as of late since I had a roomate run out on me for rent. I couldnt keep up with the payments, and my credit died ...hard. I actually lost all my possesions during that time too because they locked the doors, and refused to let me in until I could pay of the remainder of the lease. Whats worse now is EVERYTHING I own, I dont own. Because of all that, I had to have my father co-sign for my apartment, and my grandfather to co sign for my car.

I work 12 hour days, and walk away with nothing by the end of the month. My boss thinks shes sneaky and trims my hours I work, And I don't mean 20 minutes; I mean sometimes 2-3 hours a day. I cant even prove it since shes fired everyone else except me, so its my word against hers.

And the worst part. I have investments I cant touch. Even when I need them. My great grandfather set up a bunch of investments before I was born to pay for anything I needed. (interesting tidbit, he gave my double because I was male, and last heir of my family name, more guilt). I cant touch any of it without 3 family members signatures. I know alot of you see this as being privledged, and maybe someday it will be. But right now..? Its like always running torwards the light but being stuck in darkness.(And I have to pay over 10k in taxes every year for it, and no I cant use it to pay the taxes)

THERES ALWAYS some wall in the way. And no matter how many doors I put in, I just hit another.
  •  

Asfsd4214

Quote from: Hopeless on September 04, 2012, 09:42:12 AM
asfsd, I do care about my family, all of them. Even my father. I know I just painted him in a bad light, but he believes highly in reputation. He believes I directly affect others opinions about him also. In a weird way I do. I can't run away either. They would find me. The only way I could really disappear (kind've a dream of mine I use to have) is if I leave the country, and completely change, fall off the radar, and maybe reenter the country as an immigrant. Seems excessive I know. Only problem is then thats reason for the FBI to get involved and I cant disappear from them. Im not a secret agent. If that's not enough, I made up this huge story about me joining the peace core about two years ago, hoping to sneak off and pull this off. Move to chicago, get a job, save up money, disappear, under the radar but in the guidelines. I could keep sort've in contact, just not in person. I told my mom about it and she started yelling and crying, said she would kill herself if I did. I just CAN'T win.

As far as my situation im screwed. I don't even have those options anymore as of late since I had a roomate run out on me for rent. I couldnt keep up with the payments, and my credit died ...hard. I actually lost all my possesions during that time too because they locked the doors, and refused to let me in until I could pay of the remainder of the lease. Whats worse now is EVERYTHING I own, I dont own. Because of all that, I had to have my father co-sign for my apartment, and my grandfather to co sign for my car.

I work 12 hour days, and walk away with nothing by the end of the month. My boss thinks shes sneaky and trims my hours I work, And I don't mean 20 minutes; I mean sometimes 2-3 hours a day. I cant even prove it since shes fired everyone else except me, so its my word against hers.

And the worst part. I have investments I cant touch. Even when I need them. My great grandfather set up a bunch of investments before I was born to pay for anything I needed. (interesting tidbit, he gave my double because I was male, and last heir of my family name, more guilt). I cant touch any of it without 3 family members signatures. I know alot of you see this as being privledged, and maybe someday it will be. But right now..? Its like always running torwards the light but being stuck in darkness.(And I have to pay over 10k in taxes every year for it, and no I cant use it to pay the taxes)

THERES ALWAYS some wall in the way. And no matter how many doors I put in, I just hit another.

None of that will mean anything if you're dead... so why should it mean anything alive?

I will admit, when I ran away, I had much less to lose than you do, but I was ready to lose everything because I felt like the alternative was death.
I know it's difficult, feeling like every option you can take will hurt people you care about, I try to justify it to myself by saying that if they knew what I'd gone through, my perspective in its complete and entirety, they'd understand.

If your mother said she'd kill herself if you left, how is suicide any different?

Without more information it's hard for me to know how well connected your family is in order to track you down, so I'll assume the worst. Depending on just how much power they have, I think you should seriously consider running away. At least then you will have taken a degree of control over your life and be able to say that if you then later feel like you have no options left.

You could also consider demanding they let you leave. Again I don't know the details, but with enough desperation and effort, an intelligent person can accomplish a lot.

Just keep in mind, if you're ready to die, you're ready to go to any lengths to peruse your goals. If part of your dream was once to leave and seems impossible, just look for the best way out and go for it.

Say they did find you, what are you afraid they would do?
  •  

sandrauk

What are the conditions that you could get your hands on your inheritance? Why do you have to pay tax on it?
  •  

Hopeless

Quote from: Asfsd4214 on September 04, 2012, 10:00:13 AM
None of that will mean anything if you're dead... so why should it mean anything alive?

I will admit, when I ran away, I had much less to lose than you do, but I was ready to lose everything because I felt like the alternative was death.
I know it's difficult, feeling like every option you can take will hurt people you care about, I try to justify it to myself by saying that if they knew what I'd gone through, my perspective in its complete and entirety, they'd understand.

If your mother said she'd kill herself if you left, how is suicide any different?

Without more information it's hard for me to know how well connected your family is in order to track you down, so I'll assume the worst. Depending on just how much power they have, I think you should seriously consider running away. At least then you will have taken a degree of control over your life and be able to say that if you then later feel like you have no options left.

You could also consider demanding they let you leave. Again I don't know the details, but with enough desperation and effort, an intelligent person can accomplish a lot.

Just keep in mind, if you're ready to die, you're ready to go to any lengths to peruse your goals. If part of your dream was once to leave and seems impossible, just look for the best way out and go for it.

Say they did find you, what are you afraid they would do?
Its not the power, its their determination. They would call everyone, and do whatever they had to. As far as suicide, they would assume the stress got to me, I work almost every moment i'm awake. I've pushed most of my friends away. I have 4 left, and I haven't spoke to any of them in over a month. The car into a tree mentioned by Carolina was actually the idea. Everyone I know is afraid to ride in a car with me. I slide the car and speed down the road so much, I have to buy new tires every 6-8 months. Maybe one day I just mess up. Maybe one day I make a hole in a concrete barrier. Maybe the cops would see it as an accident. Its been raining these past few days; after effects of the hurricane. Roads are slippery. If i ran away, and they found me, they would shun me. Id rather them think I was dead then go that route. Id rather fully disappear, to the middle of nowhere then have that happen. My family isint evil, just jaded. I love them, and id be willing to let them go for this. But im not willing to let them find out. We're all very close, emotionally, and even physically. My entire bloodline for 3 generations lives within 3 minutes of me in 6 different locations. Maybe I just dont want to be saved, and im sure some of you think that. But, i dont know. I just have nothing to say here. Im sorry.

Sandrauk; The conditions are I have to get 3 signatures. Period. Anytime I want to pull it out, I have to get my mothers, fathers, and grandfathers (or uncles) to touch it. I have to pay taxes on it because although it has its limits, its signed in my name. Only me, with authorities. Upon the death of one of the primary, im only required 2 signatures, and 2 deaths, i only need 1 signature. No one else can withdraw the funds except me, but I cant do it without the signatures. I have to pay taxes on it because it actually makes money sitting in there. I dont even know how much is there, all I get is pieces of paperwork on like quarterly profits, which I can barely read. The most i know is last December it made 178k from Aug.28-Dec.28. So ...if I wait, ...for everyone I care about to die ...then i have a shot. Positive outlook? I can see myself becoming so destroyed that I start to hope for it. I dont want to become that.
  •  

Asfsd4214

Quote from: Hopeless on September 04, 2012, 10:31:46 AM
Its not the power, its their determination. They would call everyone, and do whatever they had to. As far as suicide, they would assume the stress got to me, I work almost every moment i'm awake. I've pushed most of my friends away. I have 4 left, and I haven't spoke to any of them in over a month. The car into a tree mentioned by Carolina was actually the idea. Everyone I know is afraid to ride in a car with me. I slide the car and speed down the road so much, I have to buy new tires every 6-8 months. Maybe one day I just mess up. Maybe one day I make a hole in a concrete barrier. Maybe the cops would see it as an accident. Its been raining these past few days; after effects of the hurricane. Roads are slippery. If i ran away, and they found me, they would shun me. Id rather them think I was dead then go that route. Id rather fully disappear, to the middle of nowhere then have that happen. My family isint evil, just jaded. I love them, and id be willing to let them go for this. But im not willing to let them find out. We're all very close, emotionally, and even physically. My entire bloodline for 3 generations lives within 3 minutes of me in 6 different locations. Maybe I just dont want to be saved, and im sure some of you think that. But, i dont know. I just have nothing to say here. Im sorry.

Sandrauk; The conditions are I have to get 3 signatures. Period. Anytime I want to pull it out, I have to get my mothers, fathers, and grandfathers (or uncles) to touch it. I have to pay taxes on it because although it has its limits, its signed in my name. Only me, with authorities. Upon the death of one of the primary, im only required 2 signatures, and 2 deaths, i only need 1 signature. No one else can withdraw the funds except me, but I cant do it without the signatures. I have to pay taxes on it because it actually makes money sitting in there. I dont even know how much is there, all I get is pieces of paperwork on like quarterly profits, which I can barely read. The most i know is last December it made 178k from Aug.28-Dec.28. So ...if I wait, ...for everyone I care about to die ...then i have a shot. Positive outlook? I can see myself becoming so destroyed that I start to hope for it. I dont want to become that.

If it's only determination and not power and connections, then disappearing is pretty easy.

Change your name, move interstate, change your phone number. There's any number of tactics you can use to disappear from them. Leave a written signed note, with a trusted witness (friend, lawyer, anyone who can vouch for it), saying that you are not dead and have not been kidnapped and are under no duress and your reasons for leaving your family behind. That way they have limited ability to use the police to track you down.

Cut off any accounts they have access too so they can't track your movements.

If you knew enough to tunnel your connection through various proxies I'm sure you're capable of doing it.

You can be free. Sometimes the impossible really can happen... just not if you're dead.
  •  

Maya Zimmerman

Quote from: Hopeless on September 04, 2012, 10:31:46 AM
The most i know is last December it made 178k from Aug.28-Dec.28.

So, if you ask for signatures once a year on the basis of the triannual profits alone, you would have approx. $178,000 a year to spend, with approx. $356,000 per year going to your principal.  Why, getting them to sign once for one trimester of profits (which would be entirely reasonable to ask for) would give you enough money to easily transition, even if they completely abandoned you and decided to never sign again.

You're a young multi-millionaire, dear.  You are addressing a host of people struggling through poverty to survive being trans, people who already have lost their families because of being trans, people who have transitioned with bodies ravaged by decades of the wrong hormones.
VISUALSHOCK! SPEEDSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK!

NOW IS TIME TO THE 68000 HEART ON FIRE!
  •  

Joann

I know it sounds simplistic, but try to take one day at a time.
Write down all the problems and pick the one that would be easiest or most practical to solve.
Work on it and review your successes no matter how small even if the problem  isn't solved.
Reward yourself. Have a favorite food, rent a movie even if you just put a little star next to it.
The next day repeat. the point being to condition yourself that your making progress. Don't reinforce failures saying "its hopeless, nothing works ect". just say Ill try somthing else.
Find someone you can just talk to and talk talk talk. It does help.(((HUGS))) :D
♪♫ You dont look different but you have changed...
I'm looking through you,. Your not the same ♪♫ :)
  •  

Asfsd4214

Quote from: Maya Zimmerman on September 04, 2012, 11:34:38 AM
So, if you ask for signatures once a year on the basis of the triannual profits alone, you would have approx. $178,000 a year to spend, with approx. $356,000 per year going to your principal.  Why, getting them to sign once for one trimester of profits (which would be entirely reasonable to ask for) would give you enough money to easily transition, even if they completely abandoned you and decided to never sign again.

You're a young multi-millionaire, dear.  You are addressing a host of people struggling through poverty to survive being trans, people who already have lost their families because of being trans, people who have transitioned with bodies ravaged by decades of the wrong hormones.

I'm in poverty, I think my total current sum worth in assets/cash subtracting money I owe people is about... let me think, maybe a few hundred dollars? A grand if I were lucky and got a good deal selling some of my stuff. Totalling up how much I make in a year I am probably just under the relative poverty line for my country.

Having said that, I'd ask you not be unduly negative to the original poster, money doesn't buy happiness and it certainly doesn't cure depression.

Being well off financially doesn't give up your right to be in pain and have that pain acknowledged as legitimate.
  •  

Maya Zimmerman

Quote from: Asfsd4214 on September 04, 2012, 11:52:53 AM
Having said that, I'd ask you not be unduly negative to the original poster, money doesn't buy happiness and it certainly doesn't cure depression.

On the contrary, I was pointing out the positivity of her situation, her myriad options, and I never said her pain was illegitimate.
VISUALSHOCK! SPEEDSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK!

NOW IS TIME TO THE 68000 HEART ON FIRE!
  •