Well, I'll come out the gates with this: I'm a woman. No, not a terribly uncommon admission on such a forum, but
I wanted to at least see it on the screen--as a record of who I am and the progress I've made in coming this far.
That's not too specific though, so I'll deliberate a little.
I'm 18, a genetic male, and terribly pained to admit the latter. That's not to say that I don't appreciate my position; being a man has its benefits, some of which encourage the tomboyish nature that resides in my veiled feminine soul, but it is no less difficult pretending each day; wishing each day; dreaming each night for a different life that seems perpetually on the horizon. I don't mean it as impossible though, that would be wrong, but as the days grow naturally shorter, my tolerance grows weak and my inner femininity starts to
break free. It's a disaster zone, and I know that my current environment is one that would subject me to danger were it to "worsen". School is often like that, I think, and I don't want to let it all spill under the pressure. If the facade is to be torn away, I want to be the one to dig my nails into it and pull.
But I'm not so much here to detail my instability as I am for a little advice: Do you hold it in or let it out? Potentially threatened, do you hide until it's over or face it head on? I'm so damned scared, but I want the future
I've realized more than anything else. I don't know if I can keep it in much longer; what do I do? Any advice, or just a word of kindness is deeply appreciated.
