Where to start...  In December of later year I started identifying as genderqueer.  When I was a kid and teenager I wanted to be a guy, and then I went on birth control which made me girlier for a while.  I've been off all hormones since December, and so it's no surprise that my manlier feelings came back.  A couple of weeks ago I realized that I think I'm actually transmale and not just GQ.  I've been getting pretty bad body dysphoria lately, too. I ordered a binder and a packer.  They came yesterday, and putting them on...  It felt so, so good, and so, so right.

Things are compounded by the fact that I've got a mental illness, and it's very sensitive to hormonal changes.  In the past, birth control pills have made me psychotic (a long time ago) and suicidal (in December, which is why I went off them).  I'm seriously worried about what might happen should I decide to go on T, but that would be way in the future anyway.

I am pansexual, and so is my husband.  Our eighth wedding anniversary is this coming Halloween.  He's very comfortable with the notion that his wife is a guy, and he's being very supportive.  That's all I'm going to say about him on these boards; he's a very private person, and he'd like to keep it that way.

I have no desire to be an overly masculine man.  If I could be anything I wanted, it would probably be a gender-fluid bio-male.  I want a male body, but I would prefer to look more like James Spader did in the original Stargate movie.  I'm a total geek, and being a geeky guy is a natural for me.  I doubt I'll ever have bottom surgery, because as far as I know science can't give me perfectly functional male bits.

As far as non-gender stuff goes, I'm 36 and going back to school for my BA in psychology.  I'm hoping for grad school after that, but I doubt I'll be able to move to a college town for family and financial reasons.  I read a lot -- non-fiction, mostly science and history -- and I knit (as you may have guessed from my username!).  I'm also a computer geek, and spent a dozen years as a web developer.

So... hi!  Nice to meet you all!

Hi SwitchKnitter,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8112 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

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Janet 

Hi SwitchKnitter and welcome to Susan's. Thank you for sharing your story.

I like that whimsical screen name! 

Hi SwitchKnitter, it's nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing that yarn with us. No, someone make me stop! Here's a nice topic for you: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,423.0.html See you around, hugs, Devlyn

Devlyn, thanks for the link.  Also: grooooooan. 

Welcome Switch! We always need another crafter. Hope nobody needles you about it. Most people here are real pearls, and a few say things that leave me in stitches. I can't count the threads where some one has said something that was just what I needed to hear.

Quote from: SwitchKnitter on September 08, 2012, 02:23:13 PM
Also: grooooooan. 

My work here is finished. Madeline, your post was sew-sew.

Quote from: MadelineB on September 08, 2012, 02:29:50 PM
Welcome Switch! We always need another crafter. Hope nobody needles you about it. Most people here are real pearls, and a few say things that leave me in stitches. I can't count the threads where some one has said something that was just what I needed to hear.

Report button!  Report button!

(Just kidding, I love puns.  Thanks for the terrible yet wonderful welcome...)

You better like puns! Don't try to hem us in. It just seams wrong. Hugs, Devlyn

Yes, half of the support given and received here comes in the form of shared pain. In other words, puns.

This site REALLY needs Like buttons. 

Just wait until the Aussies get here. They're the Fruit Of The Loom!

Hello,

It is so great that you have a supporting loving partner.  They are hard to find. 

Before I started on testosterone I had a very high anxiety disorder.  And when I went on the T my anxiety almost disappeared.  Now I did start to grow more body and facial hair but that was fine with me.

I think it is cool that you are a web designer.  I am trying to teach myself about the web and recently started my own website.  If you would be interested in sharing some of your information with me would be great to help me along in my process of learning the web.  And who knows maybe I have something to share with you that may help you too.