So im posting this here, becuase im making changes to become transgender. Im currently wandering the androgen forest.
I know this problem im having isn't unique to a place like this, so i was hoping for advice.

IM attracted to girls. I am pretty much a lesbian in a mans body. Confusing.

All the girls ive come out to, im now their bff, and they want to teach me womanhood. Its great, but its like anything that made me attractive to them before is instantly switched off. All my female friends. Even the ones i used to flirt with dont flirt back anymore.

Secondly, when i do go out, social places to meet new people. Because of the way i dress and project myself im instantly though of as gay (as in liking guys), which is so not the case.
Last week i was out at the clubs and some dude starting grinding his crotch into me. I nearly punched the creep. I pushed him away and told him to ->-bleeped-<- off.
Right now there is only one gender that finds me appealing, and its guys. Im not into guys. What can i do?

I'm in a similar position, and I find the best thing is to hang out with lesbians. Partly because they "get me" more than other people do, but also because they're women who like women, which let's face it is a decent head start when you're a trans woman who likes women .

Besides dressing on the femme side of androgyne, hanging out with lesbians as a friend is a help. 
Asking for their help to fit in is a start, as is letting them know that they can introduce you to others who might be interested.   It may not produce results, but can't hurt.
Don't ignore any women who ID as bisexual either, they seem to have less body hangups than a lot of Lesbians.  That is where I am looking for a partner now, in a low key sort of way.

You've described my experiences exactly.  Once I get a little further along in my transition progress I will make more serious attempts to hang out with lesbians just to try to make some more friends.  One problem in my city is that so many people divide themselves up into isolationist territorial 'camps'.  There are many lesbians who don't appreciate the existence of transwomen, but there are also even different camps of lesbians that don't associate much.  I've always found it counterproductive to align myself with defined groups of any sort due to this type of polarizing behaviour.  Be certain you are associating with women based on how you get along with them rather than group identity.  If you get along with the straight girls so easily ask them to find you lesbians to meet.  They will probably jump at the chance, and although they will probably fail miserably if trying to play relationship matchmaker it may open a door to friendships you might not have been able to seek on your own.  Also gay men and lesbians tend not to mix in clubs/bars so if you can at least make a lesbian friend they will know where is best to hang on a night out.

It may be a coincidence, however a lot of my transgender (MtF) friends who are attracted to women, eventually started a relationship with a transgender. At first, we thought having a relationship with an other MtF was quite unique, however it turned out, it wasn't

You know i never really thought of myself as a lesbian until i joined this website. I guess im gonna have to relearn how to flirt. I was never any good at it before:( I certainly have no trouble finding guys who are interested:/

I dont know any lesbians. I dont really know anywhere i would meet lesbians. im not really attracted to the butch ones. Google searching isn't finding me many clubs or meetups. Im not sure if the town i live in is very lgbt friendly. certainly not a lot of parts of it. Im not completely opposed to dating m2f,  though im not a fan of penis.

Quote from: Anima88 on September 13, 2012, 04:46:00 PM
Im not completely opposed to dating m2f,  though im not a fan of penis.

I'm certainly not a "penis-fan" myself, however once you've met the right girl...

Well, I don't date, so I can't speak from experience. I would probably avoid bar scenes since those are probably all just parties and no substance. Maybe try online dating? I really don't know much in this regard, but I can at least tell you to look for as long as it takes to find a good person. Don't settle for second rate just because you think it might be too hard to find someone who will like you for you.

Quote from: Anima88 on September 13, 2012, 04:46:00 PM
You know i never really thought of myself as a lesbian until i joined this website. I guess im gonna have to relearn how to flirt. I was never any good at it before:( I certainly have no trouble finding guys who are interested:/

I dont know any lesbians. I dont really know anywhere i would meet lesbians. im not really attracted to the butch ones. Google searching isn't finding me many clubs or meetups. Im not sure if the town i live in is very lgbt friendly. certainly not a lot of parts of it. Im not completely opposed to dating m2f,  though im not a fan of penis.

Well... you may have to kind of do some re-education. Queer women form their own communities, with their own traditions and their own standards of behaviour. Knowing how to talk and move in those circles can be as or more important than looking female. Like you should probably know who Tegan and Sara are (or Sleater-Kinney, depending on your age). It might seem like a trivial thing, but culture is made up of trivial things, inside jokes and references and certain kinds of attitudes.

A little thing like your phrasing in "im not really attracted to the butch ones" is going to be a tip-off that you are an outsider. Not that it's not okay to be unattracted to butch females, but it's super important to know how to say that without pissing anyone off.

As for queer female groups/places that are going to be trans-friendly. Look for the word "queer" or "pansexual" or "trans"-of-some-kind attached to the group/place. Anything that exclusively says "lesbian" is much more likely to be trans-unfriendly. Also, generally the younger you are the better. The difference in attitudes to trans folks between say... 20-something queer women and 40-something queer women can be shockingly dramatic.

An alternative to the club/bar scene is to go to meetings at your local LGBT center. Assuming your city/town/village/whatever has an LGBT center. Volunteering there can also involve meeting some cool persons. And younger queer females tend to be networked like crazy, so making friends with a few can kind of be a gateway into the world.

As for online dating stuff, Okcupid is pretty much the only one frequented by queer girls.

If you want to start doing some research, here is my favourite thing: http://www.autostraddle.com/

Quote from: Sarah7 on September 13, 2012, 10:15:42 PM
Well... you may have to kind of do some re-education. Queer women form their own communities, with their own traditions and their own standards of behaviour. Knowing how to talk and move in those circles can be as or more important than looking female. Like you should probably know who Tegan and Sara are (or Sleater-Kinney, depending on your age). It might seem like a trivial thing, but culture is made up of trivial things, inside jokes and references and certain kinds of attitudes.

A little thing like your phrasing in "im not really attracted to the butch ones" is going to be a tip-off that you are an outsider. Not that it's not okay to be unattracted to butch females, but it's super important to know how to say that without pissing anyone off.

As for queer female groups/places that are going to be trans-friendly. Look for the word "queer" or "pansexual" or "trans"-of-some-kind attached to the group/place. Anything that exclusively says "lesbian" is much more likely to be trans-unfriendly. Also, generally the younger you are the better. The difference in attitudes to trans folks between say... 20-something queer women and 40-something queer women can be shockingly dramatic.

An alternative to the club/bar scene is to go to meetings at your local LGBT center. Assuming your city/town/village/whatever has an LGBT center. Volunteering there can also involve meeting some cool persons. And younger queer females tend to be networked like crazy, so making friends with a few can kind of be a gateway into the world.

As for online dating stuff, Okcupid is pretty much the only one frequented by queer girls.

If you want to start doing some research, here is my favourite thing: http://www.autostraddle.com/

OMG i so didn't relies butch wasn't the terminology. What is the terminology btw? Terminology is important right. Its like tiptoeing on glass, so hard not to be offensive by accident. Its really a case of me opening my mouth before thinking. Something i need to work on.

I love the autostraddle website. Seriously an awesome place. Makes me feel a lot better about myself. Just like this website does too. Its great these places exist.(I dont know any trans people in RL. Is that the right terminology?)
Im on okcupid, and pof. I still find okcupid to be somewhat lacking. Im not on hrt yet, may be a while before i am,  i still look like a dude. So that excludes me from getting in with most lesbians... I think:/  I have the truth up on my profile, and i browse in the bi categories. Im thinking if i just be me ill be fine. but its been a while. a good long while since ive had any attention from girls. Someone will come along that likes the authentic me. I hope.

Quote from: Anima88 on September 15, 2012, 04:40:50 PM
OMG i so didn't relies butch wasn't the terminology. What is the terminology btw? Terminology is important right. Its like tiptoeing on glass, so hard not to be offensive by accident. Its really a case of me opening my mouth before thinking. Something i need to work on.

I love the autostraddle website. Seriously an awesome place. Makes me feel a lot better about myself. Just like this website does too. Its great these places exist.(I dont know any trans people in RL. Is that the right terminology?)
Im on okcupid, and pof. I still find okcupid to be somewhat lacking. Im not on hrt yet, may be a while before i am,  i still look like a dude. So that excludes me from getting in with most lesbians... I think:/  I have the truth up on my profile, and i browse in the bi categories. Im thinking if i just be me ill be fine. but its been a while. a good long while since ive had any attention from girls. Someone will come along that likes the authentic me. I hope.

Aww you're cute. It's not "butch" that was the wrong word. It was "ones." You only talk about "the butch ones" if you aren't part of the group. But if you are a lesbian, you are part of the group, you are part of "ones." So it's "butch girls" or "butch women" or just "butches."

And, no, it isn't easy to learn all the language. It will take time. I'm kind of lucky in that I sort of ID'd as a queer girl pre-transition, so a lot of this stuff I've absorbed over the last decade. But most folks will recognize the difference between "accident" and "bigoted." As long as you are trying, you are pretty cool. And remember that quite a few queer ladies come out later in life, and they have to learn all this stuff too, so you aren't alone.

Besides, like Autostraddle (seriously, it is SOOO trans-positive it makes me feel all safe and snuggly) a lot of this stuff is fun. The music is good, the people are positive and fun and clever... There are lots of benefits to being part of the community. (By the by: check out the writer Annika on Autostraddle, she's a lesbian trans woman and writes a lot of very cool articles from that perspective. She also has a personal blog at http://transgenderexpress.wordpress.com/.)

I would also really try to spend some time in some in-person LGBT spaces if you can find any in your area, just to get more of a feel for what the community is like. And in the end, people are people, and they are going to react positively to the same things - respect and kindness go a long way.

I think, given you aren't on HRT, bi girls are going to be the most likely option. My only pre-transition relationship was with a bi girl. But it is honestly really hard to find people while you are in transition, because your body is going to be changing and only so many people are going to be attracted to both how you are now and how you will be.

Hello,

I felt fairly similar to how I think you felt at first. My whole life I only dated girls, but I always questioned my gender identity, and eventually I decided to start to transition. Now I have read and heard from several people that if and when you take hormones to transition it can change/manipulate your sexuality. Now maybe you already are on hormones, I am not sure. For me, I already feel like since I accepted myself truly in my heart as female that I have actually become attracted to guys as well. I start hormones this week actually, so I am excited and nervous to see how it affects my sexuality. Maybe this doesn't apply, but it was my thoughts, hope it helps in some way.

<3 Emma