I've been referred to a gender clinic in my home state by my G.P. As a prerequisite to seeing the clinic's psychiatrists (I will be seeing two for the next couple years) I had to prepare a lengthy biography on my family, school, work and gender dysphoria. Well it took about 4 months to write (was pretty painful to rehash my childhood and everything else) and ended up being about 7000 words long. I sent the bio off about a month ago and received appointments for both docs' a couple weeks ago. The first appointment was today and the next is in early August.

I've seen psych's before because of depression but none who dealt specifically with gender dysphoria (or knew how to treat it). I was awash with a mix of emotions/feelings this morning before the appointment ranging from anxiety, nervousness, fear and elation. Anxiety and fear about the journey ahead but at the same time elation that hopefully, finally, I was doing something to right the wrongs of my birth.

Doctor X was nice and friendly and his manner put me at ease. He commended me on the thoroughness of my biography (it's long as I previously eluded to) and told me that it was one of the most moving, detailed and well written that he had seen in his career. He made a number of other comments regarding my 'difficult' childhood and told me that the thoroughness of it meant that I had already provided a lot of the information that we would have covered in consultations over the next few months.

He advised that the information in my bio indicated that I was gender dysphoria but he would seek a deeper insight over the next few months. I'II be seeing him fortnightly for the next three months together with another psychiatrist. At the end of that period the clinic's panel will meet to discuss my history, diagnosis, treatment etc. They will also determine whether I'm a favorable candidate for HRT and if so refer me to and endo for tests and hormone treatment.

The anxiety and elation from this morning has returned. I'm both scared and elated that HRT may only be 3 months away. My life's about to change dramatically and that's a little scary but at the same time I'm finally on the way to being me.

My wife asked me how I went when I arrived home and I told her almost everything (I left out the HRT part as I thought it best not to scare her with so much to soon). She was still upset about the rest of the discussion and that things would potentially be happening so quickly. Although she knows about my gender dysphoria she has trouble believing that I really want to become a woman. I think she still lives in hope that it will go away.

Doctor X did ask me why I thought I was female. I told him that it was something that I'd always felt since I was little, that I felt more akin to other girls, didn't really understand boys, wanted to do girl things (games, clothes etc). That I felt that my emotions, feelings and attitude were female.

I'd be curious to know if others have had this question and your response.

Hi Lydia,

It sounds like you went to a lot of work with your bio.  I am glad that my bio didn't have to be that detailed, I would not have been ready to share some details that early in the relationship with a therapist.

I hope things continue to go well for you.

Sarah L.

When i first say my doc he asked me to & i pritty much said the same as your self. Ive allways known i was female but never understood how or why. Its only when i got older i understood.

Quote from: Lydia on May 16, 2007, 09:19:36 AM
Doctor X did ask me why I thought I was female. I told him that it was something that I'd always felt since I was little, that I felt more akin to other girls, didn't really understand boys, wanted to do girl things (games, clothes etc). That I felt that my emotions, feelings and attitude were female.

I'd be curious to know if others have had this question and your response.

It's a question that generally comes up at some time or other in the process.  I have to tell you that this question has no "right" answer, and so I think you gave a fine answer for yourself.  I have sometimes answered much like you did.  Another answer that I have sometimes given is, "I don't know 'why.'  I've just always felt this way."

"Well doc, that's why I'm here. I don't know but you should. You've studied pshychiatry and I have not."

That was my answer with my first therapist.

chin up!

Cindi

Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 02:29:39 PM
"Well doc, that's why I'm here. I don't know but you should. You've studied pshychiatry and I have not."

That was my answer with my first therapist.

chin up!

Cindi

That's an answer that's almost guaranteed to increase the number of therapy visits you will have to have.

Lisbeth...

I soon learned to dictate my terms to therapists. It did work out in the end. The first few that I saw were not qualified to deal with my issues.  It was a very painful experience.

Cindi

My UK Psych didn't care too much for "answers" or "detailed biographical narratives" ...

Guess he'd heard it all before, and heard too much to believe other than that the patient was constructing a "story" he/she had been told was what "the psychs expected to hear" !  All he needed to know was that the patient was not suffering mental illness or psychosis ...

I was presenting to him confidently (passably & attractively) as female, was single and unencumbered in relationships, was self medicating, and was about to go full time at work ...

So he cut no bones.  He gave me a legal AA / HRT script, wished me well, and asked me to come back in 3 months, and thereafter regularly to see how things were going.

That was the sum of my "therapy", but then Russell Reid was no great believer in psychoanalytical therapy, he believed that the entire proof and diagnosis of transexualism (a self-diagnosed condition) rested in his patients success and happiness during a year of real life experience.

Russell Reid may have cut corners, but he was fundementally right in that if it takes a shrink to tell you you're transsexual then you're probably not !

Laura

Laura... you succinctly put into words the bulk of my experience.  Once I had made "the decision" to transition and was presenting myself as female, I had no problems with the therapists.  In fact I didn't see them very often..... only enough to get my letters.

Cindi

What are thd two of u on about, i am female but still cant get people 2 listen

Who cares if they listen Lucy?  Look, therapists are very helpful in solving your personal life problems.  But what if you've already solved your problem? A good therapist will realize this and will help facilitate you in your solution. The best ones will at least.

So if your direction is clear and you know what you want. Tell them. It's very simple.

Cindi

Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 06:37:38 PM
So if your direction is clear and you know what you want. Tell them. It's very simple.

Exactly!

I think concerns of being female or not, or of being a "true" transsexual and so on... are a subconscious attempt to avoid accepting the responsibility for simply being who you are and accepting that your needs are valid and OK to have. Just more manifestations of hidden shame.

If you're female, then you are. No reasons, no proof, no tests - you CLAIM it. Own it. Accept it without hesitation and most of all...

LIVE it.

~Kate~

Butterfly, why do you think you're female?

I'm female because ~blank look~ I don't know why, I just know I am.  It's been years since that question and I still can't answer it.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 02:29:39 PM
"Well doc, that's why I'm here. I don't know but you should. You've studied pshychiatry and I have not."

That was my answer with my first therapist.

chin up!

Cindi

Cindi. Loved the response. It brought a smile to my face.

I'm still presenting full time in drab. I want to feel confident that I'm not going to get clocked everytime I step out the door. Will wait until I've had laser and possibly been on HRT for a little. Dr X made me feel nice. He said that I had a female shaped face and his receptionist commented that I looked 'pretty'. That gave me a buzz. First time I've ever been called pretty.

Once the first three month period is up I only have to return to see the Doctor's once every 3 months for progress reviews which isn't to bad. Have to be full time for 18months before I can be considered for SRS.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 06:37:38 PM
Who cares if they listen Lucy?  Look, therapists are very helpful in solving your personal life problems.  But what if you've already solved your problem? A good therapist will realize this and will help facilitate you in your solution. The best ones will at least.

So if your direction is clear and you know what you want. Tell them. It's very simple.

Cindi

Dr X asked what I wanted from seeing him. Where did I want to go from here to which I replied that the answer was pretty easy. I said that "I want to be a woman" (in the physical sense)

Quote from: Kate on May 16, 2007, 06:50:32 PM
If you're female, then you are. No reasons, no proof, no tests - you CLAIM it. Own it. Accept it without hesitation and most of all...

LIVE it.

~Kate~

Great response Kate

A couple other questions he asked.

"What about myself did I consider female" Reply "My mind, my attitude, feelings etc"
"What about myself did I consider wasn't male" Same reply "My mind, my attitude, feelings etc"

In the tradition started by Kristi 
Your pretty: 1
You have a female face: 1

Quote from: Laura Eva B on May 16, 2007, 04:47:54 PM
Guess he'd heard it all before, and heard too much to believe other than that the patient was constructing a "story" he/she had been told was what "the psychs expected to hear" !  All he needed to know was that the patient was not suffering mental illness or psychosis ...

Bingo!

Quote from: Lucy on May 16, 2007, 05:58:25 PM
What are thd two of u on about, i am female but still cant get people 2 listen

Maybe you're sending mixed messages.  Do your non-verbal cues say that you're female?

Yes but some people just dont want to beleave, denial.

You can't control them.  So ignore them.

I was paranoid about 'convincing' my psych that I meant it, and maybe convincing myself along the way. In the end, I don't think he even really thought much about my long story. It really doesn't mean much in the end.

I think any therapist who thinks its their call to 'judge' the validity of their patients is looking about things completely the wrong way.

I actually was rather unsure of myself to start, but my therapist didn't push me one way or another. He didn't insist that I prove myself, or that I was in denial or faking it or whatever. What he did was help me discover what I needed for myself, and I definitely think that should be the foremost goal of any therapist. Sure, at times I was a little frustrated that he wouldn't just say that I'm trans or whatnot and that I needed so and so treatment, but I think it did a lot more good that he left the decisive part up to me.

After all, it's our journey, not theirs. You make the call, and if they're not willing to help... so be it. They're not worth your time or money.

Unfortunately, there are still a lot of them that don't have any real knowledge of transsexualism, and others who have little actual experience with clinical therapy, rather than just process and theory.

IMHO that question is stupid.  Ask a GG the same thing and see if you can get a concrete answer.    But I recall being asked that silly question as well.  *sighs*  I just told her what I'd always felt, that my soul was female and that I despised my male anatomy with all my might, so much so, that I had tried to commit suicide in three separate occasions.  I suppose that did it, for she never asked me anything of that nature ever again.

tink

That's good that you're on the path, Lydia. I think I was asked some think like that, by both my psychiatrists -- I don't remember what I said, exactly.