well that wasnt a big help
He doesnt know what he is talking about
he sees it from one side and he doesnt even have his facts right

Good I'm glad you are talking. Beginning to open up is the hardest part.

At least you know where you stand, and have taken the first step.  Brave girl, it will get a bit easier each time.

that talk really did more harm then good
after it I felt really sad and bad
I cried myself to sleep last night worse than I usually do

what I thought was sad tho was he only thought hormones gave you breast and did nothing else
he even said it doesnt mess with you mind

he thinks it is just a faze
he says he went through the same thing in 4th and 5th grade
he says I am cirrus about how the other sex feels like

Quote from: zelda on September 12, 2012, 04:08:20 PM
that talk really did more harm then good
after it I felt really sad and bad
I cried myself to sleep last night worse than I usually do

what I thought was sad tho was he only thought hormones gave you breast and did nothing else
he even said it doesnt mess with you mind

Hi Zelda,
That was courageous of you to share your feelings for the first time!
You didn't say who you came out to, but I'm assuming it's your dad? I'm sorry you didn't get the validation you were hoping for, but it is a very rare parent who can be supportive and validating the first time they hear about your problem. Parents want you to be happy, and for most children that means learning to fit in and follow the gender roles for your assigned sex. Even a great parent can take a lot of time to be convinced that their child is transgender. I hope you see a counselor or therapist soon. Parents are not experts on transgender issues. It takes a specialist.

Quote from: zelda on September 12, 2012, 06:01:25 PM
he thinks it is just a faze
he says he went through the same thing in 4th and 5th grade
he says I am cirrus about how the other sex feels like

That is interesting. They say that gender variance often runs in families.
He is at least partly right, many young people do go through phases of gender variance and trying different identities, then settle into being gay or a feminine heterosexual man and not transgender. If this is the first time you have told him about your feelings, he may believe you too are going through just a phase. The difference between a phase and a permanent identity is time. Perhaps he will help you see a counselor to talk about your feelings, and allow you to explore expressing yourself more in the way that feels right to you, by dressing part time for example.
I'm glad you are talking now. Please hang in there Zelda. You have made a good start. When you are young, it seems like everything takes forever, but it doesn't. You are doing really well.
Hugs,
Madeline

Zelda,

I am so grateful to have found your thread. I identify with your experience so much, and I want you to know something.
The suffocating feelings of hopelessness you experience by being in complete isolation and hiding are not the truth of reality.
Feelings themselves are legitimate and real, and they are important to notice and respond to.
But they have no greater access to reality than you do yourself.
You will change.
Your life wille xpand and contract, it will be painful.
But this is the nature of life, and the sooner you accept your own powerlessness in controlling your world - the better.

Life is not a series of unfortunate events, unless you choose to see it that way, and let it be.
You are experiencing an incredibly painful and unjust reality for trans youth.
It is not easy,
But you are a survivor,
Not a victim.

You are doing well.
You have taken action toward affecting a change in your life.
Your father may not understand you or transgender identity
But its more important that you spoke up,
Than him being on the same page as you.
Be proud of yourself for taking such good care of yourself in speaking to him
You can't control him or his response,
You can only control your actions.
Be grateful that you have enough love for yourself to come here and reach out
And to stand up for your true self.

My best suggestion is to take care of your self.
You have spent many years in pain and hiding and you deserve freedom now.
You are capable of supplying yourself with that freedom.
It will be difficult, but let go of the world's judgement of you.
At the end of the day know who you are and respect her enough to take care of her.
You will find the love you need. Its everywhere.
We have it for you here,
We have felt your pain.
We feel it now.

Try to have faith that you will make it.
You have a lifetime of beauty and grace and love to bathe in, Zelda.
You have only barely begun to live.
I promise you that life will surprise you.
You are capable of limitless beauty.
Our paths are often painful and strange.
But most of us will tell you, that we have been shaped by our experiences,
And we are stronger today because of them.
Thank you so much for sharing, and keep doing it.

You're amazing, beautiful, and setting yourself f r e e

x
Noah

I also had a very hard time telling my parents. I will share my story and give some advice.
I was older than you and living on my own, and I loved my parents so much that I would almost give myself a heart attack whenever I even thought about telling them the truth.
When I told them it was by letter.
(advice - stay at a friends for a few weeks and send your parents a letter)
My parents called my phone and I ignored it for a few days, finally I answered and got a lot of anger, but my parents wanted me to stop and see them for a visit.
I had a transsexual friend with me, and she was kind enough to go with me because I was too scared to go alone.
I was putting on my boy clothes for the visit with my parents, and my friend said to hell with that, and demanded that I show up to my parents as Shauna.
I went as Shauna. Their was so much anger in my fathers glare it could have melted steel. My parents were angry, very angry, and I felt like a tiny little bug and very uncomfortable.
I went home after the visit and they got better over the next few weeks. I had forgotten that they loved me, and they let me know that they still did love me.
I started hormones and my life started getting better. My parents completely adjusted within a few months. After that they loved me as much as they always did.
(Advice - It must be really hard to tell your parents if you are still in their house. Try and stay with a friend or family member, give your folks a letter, let them take the time they need to adjust and let them call you, deal with things on day at a time, and if you get really panicked during this time you eat some chocolate and have a friend with you, they say chocolate gives you a feeling of being loved and for me it helped, and the friend is important too.)
Good luck to you Zelda and please don't kill yourself, life gets better, I promise.

my dad said he would get me a counselor if I needed one
but he said I should wait till I was out of college before I started to change
that would be at like 23 to 25 years old
the way it is now I dont know if I can last that long
Must I be trapped that long
when everyone else is free
He even told me all the bad stuff that happens to us
He didnt say anything good
so we can see which eye he sees US through

Keep this in mind Zelda. The younger you start hormones the more effective they will be. If you wait until your mid 20's they won't be as effective. I started my hormones at the age of 27, I got an ok result, but if I had started at 17 the result would have been way better. Your dad is in denial and is hoping you will change your mind. What you should do is start dressing as a woman. That will put you on your path and that will shock him out of denial. It will be tough, and he will likely be angry, but if you do this he is going to have to get used to it and he will adjust (That will probably take a couple months but the worst should be over within two weeks). If I had shown up at my parents door as a boy rather than a girl it would have taken years longer. My mom was in that whole denial thing too, and she kept calling it a phase in life. Seeing me as a girl all the time ended that delusion of hers very quick. It isn't the easy solution but it is the right solution. Also you should connect with some T girls in your area. Friends can help you through so much. Live your dreams Zelda. It is time to make them real.

I want hormones now but my parents wont do that
which is hurting me
I talk with all my girl friends about it which helps some for a wail
I dont know any T around me tho
dressing like a girl I would love
but sens I live with my parents that will be never
but I do like when my girl friends put make up on me at school

Of course you can wear women's clothes at home, just wear them, your parents will probably get angry and say take that crap off, then you respond with, "No, I am dressing like this from now on and you better get used to it."
It may not be a good idea if you think your parents will beat you, but if your parents are like most they are just going to get angry, and I don't think they are going to wrestle you to the ground and force you into boys clothes.
You can give in to your parents demands but that is only going to put them into permanent denial and here is what will happen (I will give you two futures:
Future 1:
You listen to your parents, you do college until your mid 20's as a boy (suffering all the while), and then you go to your folks and say your changing your sex.
- Your parents will then make another excuse about why you shouldn't, and if you end up making kids with someone that might even make it worse and you could put things off until your 30's or 40's. You will crack and eventually start hormones but they will not have as much effect on your body.
Future 2
You piss your parents off by dressing as a woman (all the time), they get angry, they yell, and they even foam at the mouth for a few weeks but after 2 or 3 weeks things get better and after a few months they come to the realization that you have made up your mind and nothing they do will change your mind. It is even highly probable that after 6 months of this your parents will gladly consent to let you start hormones. (and hormones do wonders on a young body) Then you can start college as a woman and enjoy life.

I can't tell you what to do, but you need to take a stance if transition is what you really want.

my dad used the excuse that I can have hormones because insurance wont pay for it
and at the moment thats all I want
and yes I really want to be  lady
I have dreams of having a spouse that loves me for me
I dream of having kids too
but my dad says I can have that
and I need to prove him wrong 

Quote from: zelda on September 13, 2012, 04:19:44 PM
my dad said he would get me a counselor if I needed one
but he said I should wait till I was out of college before I started to change
that would be at like 23 to 25 years old
the way it is now I dont know if I can last that long
Must I be trapped that long
when everyone else is free
He even told me all the bad stuff that happens to us
He didnt say anything good
so we can see which eye he sees US through

Hi zelda sweetie,
"my dad said he would get me a counselor if I needed one".
Please take him up on that offer. You need to see a counselor who is experienced in working with transgender and questioning youth if possible. While you are working on all the other things you want and need to do in your life, having a counselor on your side 100% will be SUCH a help, and will make things easier with your family too.
Hugs,
Madeline

Seeing your father has offered to pay for a counsellor, I would take him up on it if it is with someone who knows what they are doing.  They will be able to tell him that it is actually a phase you are going through that started before you were born and will last all your life. 
Hope he sees sense soon. 
Karen.

Quote from: ShaunaNinjagirl on September 13, 2012, 05:10:58 PM
Your dad is in denial and is hoping you will change your mind. What you should do is start dressing as a woman. That will put you on your path and that will shock him out of denial.

I disagree with this approach. I feel it would be better to find a gender counsellor and let the counsellor tell your Dad that you need to change and express yourself.

Having a medical professional that he has hired tell him that you have a medical condition that needs treatment will be a lot more effective than attempting 'shock therapy'.

If you do dress more female then be discreet to start with. Try mascara and clear nail polish, ladies jeans, grow your hair longer. Small steps. Make it easy for your family to support you. Over time, as they get used to your changing appearance you can become more female in presentation.

Remember that even if you started hormones today, the complete transformation takes YEARS. There is no point in rushing at it because it will not make any difference.

what did you people do?

Quote from: zelda on September 14, 2012, 05:20:50 PM
what did you people do?

Well, in my case I prepared the way rather carefully and started transitioning in simple ways. I grew my hair longer by the simple act of not getting it cut any more. I grew my nails a bit longer. I started using exfoliating gloves on my skin and moisturiser - this softened my skin noticeably. I pucked my eyebrows to about half their normal width.

I did all this over about 6 months and people did notice and one or two asked but I  just pretended not to understand and said everything was normal. Then I started wearing clear polish on my nails, then plucked the eyebrows in half again, removed all my arm and leg hair. People noticed again. I denied everything.

This may sound trivial but I knew that I had started transition. There were no drugs involved or anything else, but I had started - and I felt better already.

Next I got my ears pierced and started wearing plain blouses and ladies jeans. The nail polish became pale pink. By now 12 months had passed. I began hormonal treatment and said nothing for a further six months by which time it was becoming obvious that I would be unable to hide it for much longer. So I wrote a short letter - about 1.5 pages - that explained that I was undergoing a medical treatment for GID. I then got in touch a few days after each letter was sent and talked to them. I usually turned up in jeans and a blouse (no make up) and talked to them.

I was accepted by everyone except one couple who are still unsure about how they feel. I am giving them time.

Now, your situation differs because you have already told your parents, but you can start your transition as I did with little changes that make you feel better and that will not upset your family because they are gradual changes. You should also go and see a therapist with gender experience. Stay away from religious counsellors and pastors because they believe that the bible will cure you and it will not. Many have tried and all have failed. You need a gender therapist, a specialist. If you do indeed have GID then the therapist will confirm this and should explain to your parents that you have a biological condition that requires medical treatment. If you are under 18 then you may not get hormones but you should get drugs to delay or stop puberty until you are old enough to begin hormonal treatment. It depends on age and I am not well versed in it because I was in my late 40s when I transitioned so for me it was never an issue.

I hope the above helps.

well at the moment I have long nails and I grow out my hair really long in the summer
and I already wear makeup and paint my nails
but they dont know that yet
and I have always wanted to get my ears pierced
but I cant at the moment

Quote from: zelda on September 15, 2012, 07:32:22 PM
well at the moment I have long nails and I grow out my hair really long in the summer

Good

Quote from: zelda on September 15, 2012, 07:32:22 PMand I already wear makeup and paint my nails
but they dont know that yet

Well then, start wearing clear nail polish all the time.

Quote from: zelda on September 15, 2012, 07:32:22 PMand I have always wanted to get my ears pierced
but I cant at the moment

Why not? It is easy enough to get a simple stud in each ear. Even guys have pierced ears.