I'm now at a point where i need to do something, anything, because while I'm doing really fine right now, i can feel that I'm more or less stumbling around on the edge and it won't take much to push me. Really late insight, but maybe it's exactly the right time, because i had a lot of time to explore every possible corner of my mind and it gave me some sort of strength i didn't possess some years ago. At least I think I know myself a lot better now
(Finally reconciling with a very dear person after years of drama and ugly times for both of us also makes me feel thousand times better and surer about myself (I always thought of me as rather distant, but obviously the opposite is true)).
I talked to my boyfriend, long and often, and while we're not really came to conclusion (because like me, he only believes in things he sees happening...) i feel we'll be fine. He used to be run-of-the-mill homophobic, transphobic, just very traditional masculine bull->-bleeped-<-. I invaded his worldview with little hints on that matter, sharing all sorts of snippets about equality and what not, and got him to a point where he's not really passionate about it but agrees and even gets a bit worked up sometimes. I also, unsuspiciously and gradually, nudged our *cough*leisure activities*cough* in a direction in which it's not only okay for me but for the first time ever it's really f***ing awesome, and he also seems to enjoy it (like, very much).
So, i think I'm finally ready to try and get a therapist appointment till the end of the year so maybe next year I'll be in a state to get my lazy ass back to uni and finish that damn thing, because while i get by okay, I'd like to become a little bit more financially stable and a little bit more useful and challenged, even if it means i have to leave the (terribly paying) job i still love dearly.
