I just wanted to write down some tips I have gathered along the way. I felt compelled to write this because we have a new MtF in our church and...well...she's not doing so well in regards of presentation and it's causing some concern for my congregation (not because she is trans..because of what she is wearing).


1.  Wear clothing that fits you. Do not wear clothing that you would like to wear if you were on project runway. Wear clothing that really fits you. Tight fighting blouses and skirts will not give you any favors and if you are not a size 6, it will more than likely give you away. Our physical body shape isn't like that of Scarlett Johansen. Wearing clothes that fit can give a better illusion that you do have that body type.

This relates to number 1. If you're going to wear mini skirts, be sensible with it. I wear mini skirts a lot. I love them. However, I get miniskirts that will flatter my legs and hips without me looking like I just stepped out of the movie, "Pretty Woman."  The shortest I will go is about 2.5 inches above the knee. I also do a more preppy look. Environment is also key. Know where you are at and dress for that venue.

2. Body Language. When it comes to being feminine and using body language, I believe there is a delicate balance. If you walk around like a lumberjack you're going to be clocked. If you try too hard being feminine, you're going to be clocked. I was with a transgirl when I was first transitioning and she was trying to be so feminine it was just disturbing. She looked at every feminine body language and gesture and incorporated into everything she did.

Look around. Look how girls act. Look how they walk, talk, and sit. As you can see, no one hardly acts like a Valley Girl (unless they are pre teen).

Also, when you sit, don't spread your legs....even if you wearing pants. Generally not a good idea.

3. If you need to wear a wig, invest in some money for it. No, I don't mean you have to spend 5000 dollars on a wig to look presentable. I mean, do your research. Trying on some wigs. Get professional advice as to what wig fits your face. What colors will best accentuate you. I have discovered some trans like to wear a wig like their clothing....that style looked good on a girl so it has to look good on me. Doesn't quite work that way. I remember in the 90s when a lot of girls were getting the Jennifer Aniston hair look. Some looked really good in it while others just looked plain ridiculous.  Hair styles do not work the same on everyone.

When you do get a wig, do not get a cheap crappy one. When I see a trans person wear a wig that is so overtly "fake" I get nervous. I get nervous because I think "Wow....does she not care how she looksm in public?" Then all these crazy thoughts like "is she mentally unstable" and stuff goes flying across my mind...and if I think that and I am trans..I wonder how other people will think when they see your wig. And yes, if you get a cheap wig people will know it's a wig.

If you plan on getting a wig and you can only afford synthetic then I would suggest a monofilament wig with all of it hand tyed to the cap (this means your hair can be styled and moved anywhere since it is all hand tyed), and lace front (this gives the illusion your front bangs are growing out of your scalp).  Plan to spend at least 250 to 450 dollars on it. Is it a lot of money? Yes. But at least people wont be staring at your wig all the time

3. Don't stare at people. If you think someone is clocking you, the last thing you need to do is stare back at them thinking "OMG, Ive been HAD!"  When you don't stare back or give the expression you were clocked it presents yourself better. A real girl wouldn't stare back and think "I've been clocked!!" Try to do the same.

4. Your voice. For the love of all things sacred and holy, work on the voice. I had a VERY deep voice for 34 years before I transitioned so the whole "I can't do it" is only in your head. The most passable trans who doesn't have her voice trained can open her mouth and say one word and get clocked. On the other hand, someone who may be having a harder time "blending in", if they got their voice down and started to talk, people will think "ah ok. She's a girl."

5. Makeup.  Your face is not a canvas for Bob Ross to paint on. You do not need four coats of concealer to hide that beard shadow. If you do, then you need better makeup. Pancake batter face is not attractive   Find the right product out there.

Also practice, practice, practice your make up. Look at youtube, go to a department store and do your research.

I have to go to work now...otherwise I would continue this discussion but that's what I have for now.

Out of curiosity, have you told her any of this yet? There might be a big change by the next service. Hugs, Devlyn

Perhaps a slight addendum to #1, Dress for your age if you want to blend into the background. A 50 something should not try to wear the latest fashions from the Juniors Department, even if it does fit, sortof.

We are still trying to figure out how to approach her without offending her. Her skirts are so short we can see her butt. Normally, we would politely suggest something a little more sensible...but becuase she is a cd (maybe a trans) we need to approach it differently. We dont know her state of mind.

And yes, dressing your age is a biggie. If i had a nickel everytime i see a middle aged trans in a schoolgirl/cosplay outfit id be a rich girl right now

Annah, gosh, just how many trans people are there where you are? I admit I'm not exactly in a big city, but I did visit one quite a few times, and I've yet to see a single one (well, an obviously trans one, that is).

Anyway, uhm. How about subtly giving her a piece of paper with this URL?

But there's also the possibility she's a lost case. People who dress plain wrong, trans or not, often think they're right and won't listen.

I've only ever seen one trans woman that was dressing completely errrm... unsuitably? She looked like she was in her 50's and was seriously dressed like a 12 year old.. People like that I kind of assume that maybe there's more going on than trans issues. I'm not trying to be judgemental but yeah... I'm not sure what the person is trying to achieve dressed like that but, at the end of it, I don't care. If they are happy then that's all that really matters.

Quote from: Annah on September 15, 2012, 01:27:09 PM
4. Your voice. For the love of all things sacred and holy, work on the voice. I had a VERY deep voice for 34 years before I transitioned so the whole "I can't do it" is only in your head. The most passable trans who doesn't have her voice trained can open her mouth and say one word and get clocked. On the other hand, someone who may be having a harder time "blending in", if they got their voice down and started to talk, people will think "ah ok. She's a girl."

I cannot endorse this strongly enough. I am not the most passable and my female voice is far from perfect but it works on the phone with no visual cues. In real life my voice 'passes' me almost every time and people just assume I am cursed with unfeminine features.

I have just been at England's largest boat show. I spent the day talking to dozens of sales people and every single one referred to me as "Madam" or "Ma'am". I bought several cups of tea and my lunch for both myself and my best friend who was with me. No one blinked as much as an eye. My voice was my saviour.

I also agree with everything else Annah says.

I passed hundreds (thousands?) of people. No one noticed me. Why? My clothing was casual but it was what any woman of my age was wearing. My body is size 12 to 14 so my clothes are size 12/14. They fit me well, snug but not tight. My make up was a touch of concealer on the upper lip and part of the neck, a light dusting of powder, a touch of grey eyeshadow, mascara and a natural pink lipstick. I no longer wear a wig, just my own hair in a ponytail. In short, I looked like every other woman in her 40s.

If I had turned up in a minidress with china red lipstick and eyes like two tarantulas wearing 5" heels and a voice that originated rom deep down in my boots, then I suspect that just about everyone would have stared or rolled on the floor laughing their a** off.

Being a woman is like being a man. Both are ordinary and neither stand out in a crowd.

Quote from: Annah on September 15, 2012, 06:00:12 PM
We are still trying to figure out how to approach her without offending her.

Just go for the direct approach. Ask her for a quiet word and get her on her own. Tell her that you have overheard one or two comments from older women that she is inappropriately dressed and you thought that you should mention it to her because, being new to the congregation, it would make it easier to make friends if she was a little more conservative.

In short let her know that your are trying to make it easier for her. I would not even mention trans or CD, just the clothing.

This is all wonderful advice It's a bit common sense (at least to me) but it's the stuff I'm sure people say "Oh I'm sure I can get away with not doing one of these... " No you can't... Especially not the voice. There are girls on youtube that make me CRINGE when they talk, even though they're gorgeous.

I also like the advice on the dress style. Many (if not most) of us cannot wear tight clothing and hope to pass... period, end of story. Also... pay attention to how your clothes make your hips / waist look. Take a look in the mirror when you try them on before you buy them and *really* ask yourself if your body looks male or female. I know it's pretty freaking rare that I find a tight shirt that looks good on me, and I'm *extremely* lucky as far as how petite I am (I AM a size 6!!). There are clothes that I would kill to be able to wear, but cannot pull them off... ever It is what it is... choose between wearing what you like and passing though, that's your call.

Keep in mind that a bunch of cis girls can't wear most of the stuff in some stores and look good in it. Only like 30 - 40% of women (if that) have that perfect natural bone structure. They don't spend all that time in a dressing room getting in and out of them to see if they fit... that's for sure. Girls look at their clothes to see if they look good in them.

Body language I like too... be relaxed, seriously. If you sit with your back and primp and proper 100% of the time, you look silly. Girls are themselves... not a caricature of femininity. If you're loose, be loose (but don't be farting and spitting either... eww). I sit by myself all the time with my legs crossed, hunched over with my shoulders slightly forward all the time and I'm never clocked for it. I bet if I sat straight up with my chin 90 degrees with the ground, shoulders back and my boobs straight out and my lower back arched all the time, I would look ridiculous.

Quote from: brc on September 15, 2012, 07:03:37 PM
Being a woman is like being a man. Both are ordinary and neither stand out in a crowd.

This is WONDERFUL advice! I almost posted this to Facebook it was so good. It's true, too. People that know me as being trans say I am easy to be around because I don't try to stand out. Countless times, I've been told that I make being trans very comfortable to be around because I don't do stuff that screams "Look at me!!" People don't want to be around the stereotypical "man in a dress ->-bleeped-<-", it is very uncomfortable to most cisgendered people.