I'm at the point where I'm kind of waiting around to see whether this irresistible urge to transition and live as a woman disappears as fast as it came. I mean, I've wanted to be a woman all my adult life, but this feeling that I've got to do it and soon, that's only a few months old. Want to be sure before I risk my family, job, friends, etc.

Has anyone else found themselves in this place? How long did it last? How did you get past it? Did therapy help?

Therapy will help a lot, as a good therapist should be able to help you ask yourself the right question, and clear away some of the confusion.
Are you using your time to do things like people-watch for mannerisms, read fashion magazines and women's interest magazines to get background information?
I did that for ages before I made any medical queries.

Kaz.

Yep. When i had my first severe dysphoria attack I was 100% sure that I wanted to transition and damn the torpedoes/marriage/kids/career/savings.

My first and worst spell of this lasted about a month. Then i swung back to boy mode and wondered what the h*&%ll i had been thinking. Transitioning is still something that girl mode wants to do today but HRT has turned that from a pressing dire need into a passing thought.

Might be time for you to have a chat with a gender therapist.

Quote from: riven1 on September 16, 2012, 09:23:05 AM
Might be time for you to have a chat with a gender therapist.

I'm trying. After several weeks of fighting with them, my insurance company finally connected me with someone who called herself a gender therapist, but who know nothing about it. I finally got an appointment with an expert but the soonest he could give me was about three months out. It's still almost a month away, so I'm really on my own until them. It's good to know that you and Karen think that it will help.

Quote from: agfrommd on September 16, 2012, 08:02:47 AM
Has anyone else found themselves in this place? How long did it last? How did you get past it? Did therapy help?

I found having a massive breakdown in the Doctor's surgery and then getting a referral to a consultant psychologist where I repeated the performance helped enormously.

I had told total strangers what I really felt. After that the genie was out of the bottle...

I know exactly how you feel actually. For years I considered the possibility of transitioning but always repressed it and even when I was 100% sure in my heart that it was what I wanted I waited and researched more than I could handle. I was scared that I was in some sort of phase that I had repressed earlier in my life and that it wasn't really what I wanted. For me, I just continued and continued to "soul search" until I felt like my logical side was in complete sync with my heart, but I did find myself in the "omg I need to transition NOW" train of thought for a while and I had to take a breath and make sure. This is my outlook on it; I just think it is better to be as patient as possible and make sure that it is really what you want.

<3 Emma

Interesting timing.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and he was asking how I was going now I'm full time etc.

And I told him how happy I was, and my relationships were good etc. And my increasing understanding of how genders get along. Which is totally different to how I perceived people getting along when I was in male mode.

I also told him of my acceptance with me and the total changes it had made at a very basic level. I have no great control over those feelings, in fact I have none. People come to me and say how happy I look. I find it difficult to accept, until several people have said the same thing in unsolicited conversations.

So how does that fit with your thoughts? Well, my subconcious state has accepted me. I think (sorry ). This is far more profound a feeling than any I ever had when 'dressing up' 'going out' or any of those situations. I explained that I felt normal,  a normality that I had never experienced, but it felt comfortable. Not a high by any means just normal.

I went on to mention one other feeling.  I feel complete.

That completeness is a euphoria.

I also said I felt a bit lost in that I didn't know where to go next. What do I do? What is the next goal?

He asked me to elaborate ( he is a psychiatrist )

All my life I have tried to be me. 

I am.

What next?

Cindy

Cindy, something I read once that ssems relevant to your conundrum (I'm sort of paraphrasing from memory here):

If we truly accept ourselves, that must include accepting our infinite capacity for change and growth. That way we avoid stagnation.

What's next? More and more of you .

Quote from: agfrommd on September 16, 2012, 08:02:47 AM
I'm at the point where I'm kind of waiting around to see whether this irresistible urge to transition and live as a woman disappears as fast as it came. I mean, I've wanted to be a woman all my adult life, but this feeling that I've got to do it and soon, that's only a few months old. Want to be sure before I risk my family, job, friends, etc.

Has anyone else found themselves in this place? How long did it last? How did you get past it? Did therapy help?

I'm right there with you.  Right now the strength of my conviction waxes and wanes daily - but has never gone away.  Yesterday I woke up and was in total guy mode most of the day... then was running around the desert in full combat uniform and felt totally female.. strange.  I'm just waiting for that to become too natural a state and slip while in a brief with a colonel or at the range.  I've already gotten strange looks for my shaved legs and long(ish) nails.  I was so self-conscious at first (especially once I started shaving my chest), but now I just don't care - I suppose it helps to outrank most everyone here.  : )

But yeah, my heart says "go for it - full steam ahead".  My head says "what the hell are you thinking?!  You have a family and a career!"

So far talking with a therapist has only reaffirmed my sanity and helped provide clarity and comfort, it hasn't lessened the internal pressure to change at all.

I have thought about this.

And I seem to be deluged with options at the moment.


There does appear to be niche markets for people with my experience's and skills.

Mmmm.

Quote from: agfrommd on September 16, 2012, 08:02:47 AM
Has anyone else found themselves in this place? How long did it last? How did you get past it? Did therapy help?

Yes. It has lasted for eight months and counting. I'm still kind of in it, but am going increasingly certain. Therapy has helped so far because I can talk about my doubts and she helps me figure out where they come from and give me encouragement.

Funny thing. Therapy has not only not made me *less* trans, I am feeling MORE trans and more certain. I would not have thought that previously. We've even talked a lot about "pressure" to transition and it still hasn't made me feel less like transitioning.

--Jay J

Quote from: aleon515 on September 28, 2012, 06:20:57 PM
Funny thing. Therapy has not only not made me *less* trans, I am feeling MORE trans and more certain. I would not have thought that previously. We've even talked a lot about "pressure" to transition and it still hasn't made me feel less like transitioning.

--Jay J

Internal or external pressure?

While I have grown so much over these past 3 years wrestling my demon and often feel the pressure, or need, to transition there is always plenty of pressure from within why I shouldn't.

What really hurts (which is far from the right word) is hearing from others in my TG group who have have seen how much I have blossomed say "It won't be long till...."


I wish I felt that sure it is "The" right decision 

Quote from: JoanneB on September 28, 2012, 07:37:29 PM
Internal or external pressure?

While I have grown so much over these past 3 years wrestling my demon and often feel the pressure, or need, to transition there is always plenty of pressure from within why I shouldn't.

What really hurts (which is far from the right word) is hearing from others in my TG group who have have seen how much I have blossomed say "It won't be long till...."


I wish I felt that sure it is "The" right decision 

Yeah that's right more external. If it comes from me that's good. If it comes from someone else, not so good. I know that they only know that their own lives have changed for the better, but I want the decision to be totally mine and not from someone else. I feel like in my own thoughts things are different, but I want to be sure that way.

--Jay J