My first real GID therapy starts on November the 9th, until them I am continuing with my standard therapy. Sometimes we talk about the GID, but it is not the main objective.  Here there are not private therapists that deal on the matter and only the social security can prescribe drugs or approve the treatment.

I've seen a few people around here go already presenting as a woman and completely dressed, but that is a bit of an inconvenience for me:


The GID Therapyst from social security only works on fridays, from 11:00 to 14:00. This means that I need to leave during my work shift and come later. The note to explain that I've been in a hospital is completely private and anonymous. It is at five minutes walking from home, so it means I can run into a good deal of people that will recognise me including my own mother doing the grocery shopping.

So. I need to go directly from my workplace (Note: I don't work in a cubicle, and people that see me everyday (50+) will notice changes quickly) with little time to spare, and I can bump into people I know. That means that my appearance is a bit of restricted. I can't look strange at work if I want to keep the camouflage, and the same thing goes for moving in my hometown, so I have to work under those conditions.
I am worried about my appearence when I get there. Let's see how we can tackle the main issues:

Clothing: I am absolutely not wearing a dress or a skirt, but I can go with unisex clothing. Skinny unisex satin jeans, chuck jordan style sneakers and a form fitting t-shirt. That's the limit

Hair: Obviously I will do full body hair removal the day before, specially my arms (I do it every 15 days). I will be by my second laser sesion and I did not have a thick beard to start with, so a quick shave will be more than enough, and I don't need to conceal a lot of shadow. When it comes to the head's hair, a Wig is completely our of the question. I need to have short hair for the moment since it is too fragile and I need to conserve it. I had a haircut at the beggining of semptember, so I will have a bit of volume. No hair products of any kind, those are dangerous for me.As for the brows, I usually trim the loose ends on my own and do a minimal reshaping, but I could go the an aesthetic centre that waxes them for both women and men (10€).

Make up and cosmetics:This is tricky. I sweat a lot and I have big pores. I plan on getting a facial cleaning before going to unplug my nose's pores. The sweat can destroy anything I put on my face, so I need to be careful. I can use a bit of foundation and concealer to hide the laser burns and a few defects (maybe the dark area under the eyes), but I should not abuse it. The rest of things I can use need to be subtle enough to go unnoticed. I was recommended to use mascara, but I'm worried it might be noticed at work. Keeping my nails round and transparent nail polish might work, but... A small problem I have is that people always stare at my hands when I work. Obviously, absolutely no lipstick.

Voice: I have no voice training, but I could try to avoid using the natural bass tone. Not sure on how long I can last with it, since it puts a lot of straing.

movement Patterns: I use a lot my hands when talking and I don't sit in a male pattern, so that would be good to go. When I walk usually my legs are so close that my pants are worn out on the inner part.


That's for the aesthetical part, but... What to do when it comes to the mind. I don't know if I must appear happy and decided or afraid and anxious. There is a big chance of panicking, since I have a lot of problems when expressing things after repressing it for so long. I have it easy for opening in internet, but when it comes to real life is different. My other therapist said that it was incredibly how quickly I opened and put no barriers, but with the GID is more tricky for me. I don't know what will happen, and I have a lot ofimprinted "macho thinking / covering" that will get on top of everything. I'd try to keep the distances, lie about myself and maintain myself in the "but I still feel a bit male". It is difficult. I won't be using female pronouns or addressing, since I don't feel they fit me.



Any advice or comments?

I know this will sound a little cliche but just be yourself.

Wear what you're comfortable with, having to sing and dance for your future is a load of crap. If this is the beginning of your "official" transition process, then your GID therapist should be able to wrap their head around that. If they suggest or strongly recommend heels and skirt (or any other idealised stereotypical femme appearance) for your next visit, I'd suggest a new GID therapist for your next visit.

My therapist has seen me in both modes and has never required anything in particular from me other than my honesty, and that's for my benefit. My psych, who happens to be the closest thing to informed constent in the UK, just requested that I come as myself and I got my prescription on my first session after the initial consultation (with the recommendation letter from my therapist).

Be honest, if that's not good enough, I'd keep looking.

S.x

My reply got eaten by the internet.

As ShawnaB said. Be yourself. It is not a fashion contest or a proof of anything. Most MtF I have spoken too went in male clothing until they wished to go in female clothing, if they ever did.

The therapist is not a judge or a jury. They are there to help you make your decisions. They will not make decisions for you.

Be honest with them, don't hide stuff and if you can enjoy the sessions.

I certainly enjoyed my sessions, we discussed lots of topics and  felt very comfortable and totally at ease. I learned quite a lot about myself and did manage to put some aspects of my life that were troubling me to 'sleep' forever.

So just be you.

Hugs and good luck

Cindy

Quote from: ShawnaB on September 17, 2012, 04:40:51 AM
If they suggest or strongly recommend heels and skirt (or any other idealised stereotypical femme appearance) for your next visit, I'd suggest a new GID therapist for your next visit.

Small issue: As I said, there are no "other therapists" here, only an official one. Take it or leave it (and the only one if you want the HRT drugs, endo, bloodwork, BA and SRS to be paid by the state). When contacted  there was a mention of "we will work on adapting to your "role", that I could confirm as a mention for RLE. I already explained that it was not possible because of work and family, and they said something like "We will see what we can work with". I don't like the "role" thing, it feels as creating a stereotype. C'mon, I rarely ever see a woman wearing a skirt around here unless it is a party night. Not to mention, try to imagine me working on a skirt,  climbing to a ladder with another person waiting down there, xD. They would get a nice view of a good set of billiard balls.

The person that was orienting me just told me to "go a bit pretty, and if they ask about your male appearance, just say that you need to put a costume for work".


Ha, Heels ans skirts... A bit of a feet defect that already makes me need to control my balance a lot more than a normal person, and as for a skirt... It'd be like putting a skirt on the Incredible Hulk or Chun-Li. After losing the fat, every muscle is defined in my legs. I like unisex clothing  that won't shout "male", but I use the clothes that fit to my body, not the opposite. I have a serious warning from home about "unisex decent clothing or get out".

QuoteAs ShawnaB said. Be yourself. It is not a fashion contest or a proof of anything. Most MtF I have spoken too went in male clothing until they wished to go in female clothing, if they ever did.

Even If I wanted to go in female (stereotypical) clothing, it is not technically possible because of the familiar (being spotted and rumours spread) and laboral situation (at that time it is not possible)
The truth is that I have never ever had a sense of fashion, I just use functional things that look ok on me. I don't have a desire of wearing females clothes if I don't look like one, it would only fuel my social anxiety, and I lack a crossdressing fetish or anything. I don't enjoy it. If I do it at home, a quick look at my face will get me depressed (but with a brown paper bag I'd not look half bad).


Oh, another thing: The GD therapist (a Psychiatrist) wants to be informed by my general therapist about her views and opinions on me after three months, and wanted it in a letter. My Therapist directly said "No. You can put her in contact with me and we will have a professional talk". Seems logical, since I could read the letter or modify it.


I am even worried about the non-binary thing, feeling mentally neutral or not identifying with "transsexual". As time passed I lost my fear to SRS (I'm aiming for it as the last step) or my desire to retain a bit of "man" inside, so... Heck, The earliest "I want be a girl" thoughts I have date from Age 12. After they were abandoned (just cope with reality, did not know change was possible and afraid of people knowing, since I already took a few beatings), turned it into a background thought and slowly grew until it revived at full power five years ago. I suppose I should mention it. I can say "I want to be a woman", but "I always was a girl" would be a lie. It's true that the thoughts first appeared when puberty kicked in, but...

Given that you are restricted in what you can wear in public where you are, I'd just make sure I had a close shave, and dress a bit androgyously at most.  Seeing as it is your first session, they should expect you to be a bit tentative.  If they are anything like mine, the first couple of sessions will be full of biographical details.   Just relax and be yourself, and it should go fine.

Karen.

Quote from: justmeinoz on September 17, 2012, 06:48:44 AM
If they are anything like mine, the first couple of sessions will be full of biographical details.

If the two therapist can agree to get in touch, we could save a lot in time, since that one is already done. If I can fully open to "being myself", it would be something quick, but everything depends.

I'm going out to look for footwear, it's the only thing I am missing.

They like to hear it from you first hand though.  If they are good at their job, they will be helping you work out what questions you need to ask yourself in order to develop your own path.  They can be very helpful.

Karen.

I present as a male, though I come across naturally effeminate, but that's just me. I'm probably going to present as a woman later this fall though.

my first visit, i was presenting as a male...i mean beard and everything.

part of the therapy experience is them helping you with the confidence to do rle

I don't know you personally, but you seem like you don't wear girly or flashy things often, so I would avoid doing anything special for therapy.

If you naturally go about half-shaven with a shirt and jeans, then just do that. Therapists are supposed to be good at detecting BS.

Quote from: Ave on September 17, 2012, 07:42:31 AM
I don't know you personally, but you seem like you don't wear girly or flashy things often, so I would avoid doing anything special for therapy.

Nothing really. For the last years I just grabbed the first thing I saw, paid and left the store running, always afraid of what people would say If I tried to wear somethiing "different". Things started to change recently. It took me one month and a half since I bought skinny jeans until I actually found the courage to put them.

I just started wearing more skinny unisex clothing (more than half of my wardrobe is unusable after losing so much weight) with just one or two "flashy things", but nothing that could attract too much attention (save for the gigantic bright green headphones, pink ipod shuffle hanging from the belt...). Just that I have a tendency for over the top colourful things and not exactly "manly" designs on the t-shirts.

In fact, I do it so that I can reach a point in which I just don't care about people's opinions. It helps with fighting the excessive self-awareness(thinking that everybody is looking at you). I even had my fedora stage, but we don't have enough bad weather for a hat.

Quote
If you naturally go about half-shaven with a shirt and jeans, then just do that. Therapists are supposed to be good at detecting BS.

Already on laser, so except for the chin I don't have shadow at this moment. Still, shaving is vital for me on every special occasion. And unless I need to be with a dress shirt and a tie, I don't have normal tees (currently wearing this):



Seriously, Threadless ruined my sense of fashion.




PS: The headphones is a fun thing. I was worried about what people would say, and at the next day another guy had bought the same... In pink. Which reminds me of when I god the ipod.

- I want a 2gb ipod.
- We don't have any
- And what about that one in the counter?
- but it is... pink.
- But that's what I want
- You want... this?
- Yes, I do want. For myself

Probably the seller was thinking"What a ->-bleeped-<-", but, who cares?

You know it does not strictly depend on you alone - even shrinks are human and do have expectations. The one I had to go to certainly had.

I knew some TS that had seen him before, and their recommendation was: "Go en-femme!"

Bearing in mind (I never REALLY cross-dressed before!!!) that the referral note to him, by the gender-clinic gynie said: "Did not present in female attire..."

So, I took my heart in my hands, cross-checked for a reasonable appearance and that was that.
One week later I went FT... pre HRT, pre anything, and it worked OK.

Just my experience,
Axélle

Quote from: Abracadabra on September 17, 2012, 09:46:18 AM
Bearing in mind (I never REALLY cross-dressed before!!!) that the referral note to him, by the gender-clinic gynie said: "Did not present in female attire..."

So, I took my heart in my hands, cross-checked for a reasonable appearance and that was that.
One week later I went FT... pre HRT, pre anything, and it worked OK.

Just my experience,
Axélle

Sorry, I did not understand that part. The gender clinic redirected you to a gender therapist and they communicated that you were not crossdressing?

Sadly, It is not possible for me, so I'll have to work within my limits. Living with a family that explicitly forbids it, a small town where I can be easily spotted and identified, and moving from work to therapy, so I need to keep the attire. Not having my own place and being dependant on other persons renders me unable to do those things.

I'll try to get as androgynous as I can, but casual crossdressing or full time is nor possible unless I am on holidays or in another city. Sure, I could change clothes and put the wig on the clinic's bathroom before therapy, but I am not very sure if it they would accept it. Here RLE does not involve changing your name, since it is not legal to have a name that does not match your gender.

you've just been raised in my esteem for wearing skinny jeans and ahaving a pink ipod with green headphones

I don't know. The majority of women down my high street are blatant crossdressers. No one is forcing them to dress in overtly feminine outfits in case they have their womanhood put under scrutiny. Nothing wrong wearing something non-gender specific.

For this session, don't do anything special. I'm sure the therapist could care less if you have removed all your body hair or have had your nose pores cleaned. Also the more you do to stress yourself out, the less you will get from the therapy session. It doesn't sound like you are "close to RLE and want a quick one session give me a letter for HRL and I'm gone" kinda thing anyway.

From reading your post you seem very self conscious and believe other people are obsessed with how you look.  I can promise your co-workers do not always stare at your hands at work. Green headphones are not going to "out you" etc.

My experience has been, most people don't pay any attention to me unless I was dressed or looking WAY over the top. i.e. wearing a pick cat suit sporting a beard type of thing. OK maybe not that extreme but you get the picture. An example: a friend of mine works outside in shorts and was totally paranoid about shaving their extra hairy legs. They have white skin and black hair. It was six months before anyone even noticed once they got up the courage to do it. We just aren't that important nor do people pay that much attention to other people.

Quote from: Crt.rnA on September 17, 2012, 09:59:56 AM
Sorry, I did not understand that part. The gender clinic redirected you to a gender therapist and they communicated that you were not crossdressing?

Yes, just so.
I had been with head of the Gender team (Prof. Lindeque) asking him for HRT and was straight referred to the gate-keeper-therapist (psychiatrist) with the referring letter as mentioned.

Quote
Sadly, It is not possible for me, so I'll have to work within my limits. Living with a family that explicitly forbids it, a small town where I can be easily spotted and identified, and moving from work to therapy, so I need to keep the attire. Not having my own place and being dependant on other persons renders me unable to do those things.

Weeeell, someday you'll have to come out, yes?
I live with people in a security estate, was a director of that Home Owners Association (HOA), --- and now THIS!
EVERYONE here knows me. Just saying...
I got my share of  initially, make no mistake but it settled down 1,2,3, for all I can tell  ;P
I just kept on smiling – and then some

Quote
I'll try to get as androgynous as I can, but casual crossdressing or full time is nor possible unless I am on holidays or in another city. Sure, I could change clothes and put the wig on the clinic's bathroom before therapy, but I am not very sure if it they would accept it.

You could... all depends what is expected. If you want to go through 1 year of therapy and have zero RLE... THAT... I think will be an issue.
Certainly not according to SOC...

Quote
Here RLE does not involve changing your name, since it is not legal to have a name that does not match your gender.

Yeah, tell me about it. My name and gender change only happened quite some time AFTER SRS... in fact in SA they are STILL "working" on it since last November...!!!
No funny, but ... life on the "Trans-Express"

Axélle
PS: also, Stephe's post is "right on the money"... we NOT that important, really

Quote from: Stephe on September 17, 2012, 10:24:27 AM
From reading your post you seem very self conscious and believe other people are obsessed with how you look.  I can promise your co-workers do not always stare at your hands at work. Green headphones are not going to "out you" etc.

It used to be really bad, to a crippling point (and in the sessions we found who was responsible for it)... With the headphones, hats... what I mean is that I started doing a few things that would make me stand a bit in a crowd (big ear-covering headphones are not common here), just to loss the excess of self consciousness by gradual exposure. And it worked.
4 years ago I would panic if the color of my socks did not match the shoes, or if the shade of the jeans would stand out too much compared to shoes (It took me years to leave again home with shorts). Now I go out with girly bright rainbow socks and I just don't care, of I use concealer to fix a few facial defects (such as the burns).

It's just that after realising the GID, the anxiety for other things started to slowly go away. It was nothing compared to this, and I knew that I had to completely kill it if I wanted to succeed.


The body hair removal, facial cleanings... Is what I usually do. Previously I just did not care a lot for myself, and now everything keeps changing. I don't feel clean if I am not hairless from chest to arsehole...

QuoteWeeeell, someday you'll have to come out, yes?

Yeah, if the crisis is fixed, my job continuity is assured, renting price drops and I can do it on my own without two relatives surveying every step I make. I had my own place I'd be already with in girl clothes. In fact, that's what I plan to do in the moment they leave for a small holiday next week.

The situation is tricky, so I have to wait until the therapist makes an appointment with my parents to explain (I already tried), or I can share a flat. In the meantime, I am in stealth mode. And people around here are not exactly kind to ugly unpassable crossdressers with muscles.


From what I could read, in the last revision RLE is not forcefully required. If I lived in another place I could do it a few days, but as I am now, I face being homeless If I try.

The first time I went to see my therapist, I had not yet began presenting as female.  I had a shaved head, clean shaven.

After an hour, he told me that I was definitely trans.  The next time I saw him I was in full leathers, as I rode my motorcycle.

Not once did he want me to dress as a female, although I did on my third visit.

What does this all mean?

He saw me as I am.  Just be yourself.  Don't try to be some image of a woman.  Don't try to "pass" or even "blend in".  Be authentic.

Quote from: Crt.rnA on September 17, 2012, 11:04:37 AM
It used to be really bad, to a crippling point (and in the sessions we found who was responsible for it)...

This is something you have to work on. Self confidence is a large part of being able to transition and to be happy.