Hi girls... So, first off, I just want to say (hopefully without revealing too much about my age) that I'm a minor and I'm in my early teens.

I haven't come out to anyone yet, except in this community. I'm 90% certain I am indeed a transsexual (mtf, obvs), but I go through times of thinking I am and being depressed about it (I'm not suicidal) and periods of thinking, "you know, maybe it doesn't really matter..."

I've already come out as bisexual, but I think that was a mistake because, if I have any sexual interests at all, I know that (hope this makes sense) I don't have any gay sexual interests /as a male/. If I were female (post-op) I would 100% be bisexual, but as a guy I'm straight.

My first question is about coming out. A lot of my worries relate to this, so exactly what I'm asking about it should become clear later in this post.

My main worries:

- I have huge feet. They're a womens' 14/15. As I said, I'm in my early teens so they will probably get even bigger - - but my mom said today that she wonders if they might be stopping/slowing down in their growth. This is part of the reason I'm writing this post.

- I want to be an electronic music producer/dj. I know I could do this as a non-ts woman, but as a ts I don't know if that would be possible. Anyone who knows anything about this?

I had more in my mind but I don't remember... If I think of anything more I'll post it. I'm posting from my iPhone, and I might only be able to post at night.

A quick response is appreciated, so I know I'm talking to someone. If you have lots to say, that's ok but I would appreciate a quick post saying that.

Thanks so much,
*don't know what I want to be called*

Make up a name to use for me, male or female. I'm genetically male.

As far as what you do with your life, that is up to you.  If you want to produce electronic music, then you need to focus in that direction.

As far as coming out, You have already come out as Bi, so most people who know you should not be surprised when you come out Trans. 

Unfortunately, unless you can get on Testosterone blockers, they may continue to grow.  Sorry.  Maybe if you can talk to your parents, you might be able to at least see a gender therapist.

Thank you, Ms. OBrien.

It all seems to center around telling my parents... I'm really young, living with them, financially dependent on them, etc.

Fortunately, they are very accepting of my being bi, and we are a very liberal family. I don't know if its the right time to transition though - any tips on that?

I would tell you to see a gender therapist first.  Explore that side to see if you truly wish to transition.  Then with the therapist's help, you can map out when to tell them.

Of course if they are in control of the health care, you may have to explain it to them and that you wish to talk to a therapist.

You know, in a large minority of cases, feet shrink. One, two sizes. There's been pretty amazing results in people over 25 years old sometimes. I think I remember someone mentioning 4-5 sizes. And you might have heard that the curve of effects from HRT and age is inversely proportional. Waiting one year at the age of, say, 13, will private you of a lot of effect, whilst waiting for one year at the age of 30 will not change much. So with any luck, if you follow the curve, I say that in the hypothetical situation that you start now, you should get at least some relief for your feet.

And what I said above is true for everything. At your probable age (gosh, how I hate that &&%@ age rule), time is of the essence more than any other. You could get fully female hips, a small ribcage, not much beard or body hair to take care of and, most importantly, a normal adolescence. Pretty dreamy in my mind.

So yeah, you should come out as quickly as possible. Your family isn't a bunch of buttholes since they accepted your coming out as bi. So I'm confident they'll at least accept your coming out as trans, if not support you in the process.

But the physical urgency mustn't keep you from using your head to think, not smash through things before taking responsible decisions. So if you feel the necessity, see a psychologist, ideally a gender therapist, and talk about it and make sure it's right for you. See your doctor too, since only they can either prescribe hormones if they're adventurous, either refer you to a psychiatrist for evaluation or endo for hormones.

Though whatever you do, for the sake of your own future, do everything you can to be prescribed puberty and/or androgen blockers as quickly as possible, i.e. before aaanything else, step 1. Those will stop the masculinising damage until you and/or the psychiatrist/therapist/etc. who's evaluating you are ready to start feminisation therapy.

Once on blockers, you can stop worrying, depressing and panicking about how horribly your body is changing, and focus on the real questions about your gender, instead of just telling everyone what they want. You get all the benefits of starting fast, with also the certainty and safety of taking your time. And what's great with those medications is that if, in the end, you discover you're not transsexual and stop taking them, things just resume naturally in your male growth, so it's pretty much a no-brainer. No disadvantages, just benefits.

I say that because if I had been prescribed blockers when I (weakly and obediently ._.) requested them, I would have never had a noticeable Adam's apple in the first place. It appeared while I was waiting on the sadly useless psychiatrist appointments. And a tracheal shave, forgetting the risk of vocal damage, is a good 3000 $ I'll have to pay. And that's the consequence of being stalled for over 2 years when I was 18. Remember the graph? I can't even start to imagine the consequences for you.

Oh, and keep in mind not to do the same mistake as I: make sure you talk to people who can and will give you either a prescription, either a reference for endocrinology/pre-hormones assessment. I was with my psychologist for months and then, when I insisted, she went "trollolol, perhaps you should ask your doctor, because I can't do anything at all for you."

And don't be shy. On one hand, remain polite and remember that doctors don't like to be ordered around, but on the other hand, you need to be insistant and not smile and say "okay" when they say no for blockers. And about the issues your probable transsexualism is causing you, be honest, but not too heavy.

They need to understand it's hard on you, but if it looks like your mental balance might be off, too many professionals (at least mine - and that's already one too many) have a red flag that raises in their mind, and they will want to treat your "other more urgent" issues first, denying the impossibility of the task, since they're caused by transsexualism to begin with.

Good luck, sincerely. I hope you find helpful doctors.

Edit reading your second message: The right time to transition, if you're mentally ready, is always yesterday, especially at your age. During adolescence, I might even say that with the speed and sudden character of undesirable changes, every week matters.

PS: As for your career... I fail to understand how it would even pose the slightest problem to be a trans woman..?

Just to add to what has already been posted I will be attending the launch of a new University GLBTIQ support group, and the club where it is being held will have 3 female DJ's.  Alison Goldfrapp is a musician with a successful electro-pop career as well.  Shouldn't be a problem really.

Karen.

Thank you so much, all of you -especially A. I really love all of you girls (and guys in the other forums) here. I guess I just feel uncomfortable about coming out because of the times when I don't feel so dysphoric. During those times, I feel kind of at peace and tell myself that maybe I'm just being silly and it doesn't matter. But, the majority of the time, I feel like I really do want to transition.

One thing that is a bit annoying: Even though she has no inkling that it's uncomfortable and I obviously love her so much, my mother will occasionally comment "you are such a guy!" with a little laugh. But I laugh back as convincingly as I can and tell myself firmly (and believe it) not to accept gender stereotypes. :-P

One thing I wonder if anyone else has experienced: Wondering how on earth my parents could not have noticed there was something up!! I guess it's because I spend half the time I'm thinking about the fact I'm transgender I'm trying to cover it up, and the other half I spend hoping they will notice.
When I was a little kid I had a couple of barbie mermaids, and I used to take off their little seashell-made bras and examine their breasts. I don't remember feeling any (even very mild) dysphoria, but I do remember feeling slightly jealous, turned-on, and a little envious at the same time.
I also used to put both legs into one of my pajama legs  and pretend to be a mermaid (female, obviously. I was never a merman).

I guess the thing that sparked me to finally write this post was our (me, my mom, and my dad, I'm an only child) watching the movie Mixed Nuts, which contains a major character who is transsexual.

Then, after I posted it, I was listening to NPR and they played a story showcasing clips of transgendered women talking about their early childhood and their feelings that there was something wrong, and I was thinking two thoughts. 1; "I never felt like that... I just felt envious of women" and 2; "please end this story. I'm listening to this with my mom. I feel uncomfortable maintaining a calm and nonchalant face."

About my age: I'm below the halfway mark for the ages between 10 and 20.

Thoughts? I know it's a long post.

Quote from: Idonotknow on September 16, 2012, 10:15:35 PM
Wondering how on earth my parents could not have noticed there was something up!!

Sometimes we expect others to be as aware of our inner selves as we are. Often that isn't the case.

However, even if they have noticed there's "something" up, knowing what that "something" is may be an entirely different thing. Not to mention that every generation of children don't grow up exactly the way their parents did, so they may just think it's a normal part of growing up in today's world. Or they may be hoping that by ignoring it or pretending that there's nothing to notice, that it will go away. People have different ways of not facing things even when they know those things are there. I think we all do it, to varying degrees, with different situations in our lives.

Thanks Sephirah. I see your point. I really kind of want to come out but feel really awkward, uncomfortable, and nervous - you probably know the feeling.

P.S. On the note of the name, I really like the name Stephanie. I will be considering that as an option for myself.

Quote from: Idonotknow on September 16, 2012, 10:51:40 PM
I really kind of want to come out but feel really awkward, uncomfortable, and nervous - you probably know the feeling.

Indeed. Those feelings are entirely understandable. *hugs*

How about to start with, you write down, somewhere private, what you would say if/when you come out to them. No one has to see it for now. You can organise your feelings and thoughts, get it clear in your own mind exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it. Edit it as many times as you like until you're happy with it. Perhaps some of the anxiousness would diminish if you did this before taking the next step, since you'll have a clearer idea of exactly what you want to express.

Don't wait. Waiting sucks and isnt worth it. Your parents sound pretty cool so what you need to do from here is take charge of your future. First thing to do is get educated on what you want and need. Read lots. Then read lots more. Start with documents like this
http://www.health.govt.nz/system/files/documents/publications/gender-reassignment-health-services-for-trans-people-nz-2012-v2.pdf

That particular document is from New Zealand, the rules are pretty much copied from the world standards of care though. The bit you want to pay attention to is the area on treating transgendered youth. You can get on GnRH blockers that will stop puberty but only as long as you want. This way you can wait to decide if estrogen is right for you till you're 18, without testosterone causing any more masculinization.
They may make you go to therapy but don't fret it. Just explore your options and stay happy but, and it's a big big but, talk to your parents!
I was having a conversation with my mum about this the otherday, I asked her if she would have let me transition as a preteen. She was totally down with it. When I came out to her she just said "yeah I always thought that about you actually". Anyway, talk to them. If you need help finding any resources don't hesitate to ask everyone is on your side.

Also, for what it's worth, producing music is a really good career choice as 90% of the jobs you'll do are free lance. That means you're your own boss. You only answer to your client. It's a totally achievable career. Being trans has no bearing on it. I've worked as a free lance artist for a few years and I wish Id started sooner. Working for someone else is for suckers :p

When you're nervous about coming out, as I was - took me over a month, if I remember well, between the doctor's instruction to come out and the actual act, and that was after many months of being with my psychologist - I think the best way to do it is to choose another way than the one that's stressing you. If coming up to them and telling them sounds awkward to you, then I'd suggest a letter.

You leave them a letter, and then you go away for a few hours (school, activity, shopping...) so they can read it and discuss it. Then when you get home they're the ones who'll ask you about it. It's always so much easier to respond than to initiate a conversation, isn't it?

That's what my girlfriend did, and her father, an intolerant, xenophobic, not very nice man, accepted it relatively well. So should there be any negativity in their first reactions - which it doesn't seems like there will be, but anyway - it can be sublimated through mutual discussion, the absence of a target to confront before you could finish speaking, and the possibility of leaving your whole message without interruption.

And I think you'll agree that it's much easier to come out to a sheet of paper than to a person, as well as to explain it properly.

As for your past, uhm, you shouldn't worry too much about that. Gender therapy can help you be sure of your choice, whichever it is. And don't think you're not "eligible" to be a transsexual if you don't have those "classic transsexual" memories of your childhood. Everyone's story is different, and even though there's a relatively significant proportion of us who more or less identify with the early childhood stuff, many, maybe even the majority, don't.

If you'd like to read around, I'll follow Isabelle's example and give you a few bookmarks of mine.

WPATH official transgender standards of care, version 7
Tsroadmap.com, a kinda outdated but pretty complete website with information on various topics
The guidelines for transgender care in British Columbia. That's not my province, but mine doesn't have a website for such things. I don't know where you are, but it can give you an idea of what the process can be like. You might want to search for such things about your own location, though.

First off, I just want to thank all of you so much for sticking with this thread, and I hope you continue to do so (if you can) because I kind of need support right now.

I had a moment today, as I was walking towards our kitchen, when I felt like I could just walk in there and tell them. But the moment passed and I was left just feeling scared... I have no idea what to do. But that tip about writing down what I want to say seems like it might help.

I'm considering doing it in letter form... Do you think that's a good idea?

Also - and MODERATORS!!!!! Feel free to edit this out!! - I feel like it's important to tell you all my age. So, mods, please don't ban me or anything, but if you really feel like you need to edit this out, then please do.

I'm less than a month until my birthday and yes, I'm young

So thank you girls, and yeah.

Update: I'm having issues with my dad. Not to do with my transgender issues; they still don't know. But I won't have a computer for a month, so this iPhone I'm using is my connection to these forums. I hope it doesn't get taken away too.

*as many hugs as I can muster*

- Steph (maybe? still thinking.

Update 2: I'm in the U.S., FYI.

Update 3: I wrote that before I read your most recent post, A. Thank you, I'll consider it. I have to post quickly right now, but thank you. I might do the letter after all. I think I have another plan forming too, but I'll keep you girls up- to-date if I can.

I think Stephanie is a nice name, even though I'm tempted to add an accent like in French (Stéphanie).

And uhm, as for the letter, I seriously think it's your best option if you're not all that confident with telling them. You can hardly mess up with a letter, but you can easily do so orally if you're embarrassed.

I went with it really quickly with my mother, closing off constantly because I was embarrassed, and as a result, I she didn't fully understand me. Of course, with time and the few additional discussions we've had, she understands better gradually, but if I were needing her help for transition like you, which I didn't in a strict sense, that could've slowed me down.

Of course, a direct, heart-to-heart discussion is also really great, but only if it's not messed up. It all comes down to your personality.

And congratulations for all that typing on an iPhone. Typing on a touchscreen is just so... Ugh. (I love my phone's full keyboard.) Did you read the latest announcement about the mobile app thingie? Because I know this badly made website (no offense to the administrators; I'm referring to technical aspects) is pretty awful to browse with a mobile device. It should make things easier, if you don't use it already.

Edit: Hah, I started writing before you posted. Maybe this post was useless after all. :p

No, nothing anyone says on here is useless.

I'm pretty used to typing on the iPhone touchscreen, so it's not too bad except that the site does this weird thing to my phone that's hard to describe. It's basically like it slows my phone down in a way that makes the phone think I'm holding each key down for twice as long as I actually am. But I usually type my posts outside of the site, on my phone, and paste them in.
Besides, the iPhone keyboard is a lot better than other touchscreen keyboards.

I'm actually asking for a case for my birthday for my iPhone that has a slide-out keyboard built in. It's pretty cool and not too expensive.

Just an idea: do you think it would work to text the letter to my mom (and dad?) along with a message saying I won't respond for a while and turning my phone off? Or just texting it and turning it off? I know some people have come out in emails...

Emails are all right in a way, but texts... Uhm, not really. It's too informal, or something? Like, I can imagine that getting dumped by SMS is pretty insulting. I don't think breaking out news through SMS like that is ideal. Besides, SMS are limited to about 150 characters. You can type something longer, but then it's sent as many messages, even though it shows up as a single message on your side. So when they receive your, say, 7-SMS message, their phone goes crazy. Ding, d-d-d-d-ding, ding. Annoys people, in general.

And well, if your letter fits in standard SMS, maybe it's too short? Before my girlfriend told me what long SMS did on her phone, I once had to cut a message I was sending her, because past 7-10 (not sure) SMS, my phone was converting them to a MMS, and I don't have a data plan for my phone. That wasn't very long, really. And if you're going to write a letter of coming out, I think you should put your heart into it and aim for at least a full page.

No, yeah, for important stuff, you can't beat a good old handwritten letter. It's personal, warmer. A printed one is still better than an SMS, but the best is still to write it by hand, I say. Plus, I don't know about you, but when I write something by hand, I'm always more inspired, and with the time it takes to form letters, I think more about my sentences.

I mean, a SMS does the job, sure. But I don't know, it feels... really cheap?

PS: Hah, Apple fan found! Bzzt, alert! :p (Apple products: tried, tried, tried, hated. And I still have to work with them at school in half of my classes. T_T)

  Coming out is done best in person to your parents.  I had to face my mom the old fashioned way, that her eldest son after an enlistment in the Navy wanted to become a woman.  No PCs back then and most of the telephones still had rotary dials.  Matter of fact, turn off your phone while confronting your parents on this.  No distractions! 
  It is best you get this sorted with a therapist this while still young.  I had to postpone my transition until my 50's and I am really paying the price for that.  My outcome would of been different if I had the right therapy.
  Joelene

Alright, well I just wrote a 7-page document in which I come out to my parents. I'm going to give it to them sometime so they'll read it while I'm in school. It felt so good to be able to sign it "with love, your daughter"

Anyway... I was feeling brave this afternoon and I decided it was time to write the letter. I managed to get myself to do it, and I'll give it to them sometime. Unfortunately, it might have to wait until Monday... now that I've written it I'm anxious to give it to them. But I know if I don't give it to them at the right time it'll ruin it. So I wait....

Thank you both for your posts, by the way. They were very helpful. As you can see, I have chosen the letter route, and after writing it I see your point, A. I feel like it really will be the best option for me.

*hugs!!!* (I can muster them this time)

I'll try to post nightly, and once I come out I'll post it in a new thread, and link to it here. Thank you so much girls for all the support!