Early emotional changes?

[dusty97]

Hello all,

I was wondering what different experiences everyone had as far as any emotional changes very early on after starting T, and how you may have learned to cope with/ work through them.

I ask because I started last week, and noticed (after the fact) that a few days ago, I'd picked and escalated a fight with a friend. I figured a week would be too soon to see a large development in the forewarned "aggressiveness" I might start to feel, so I'm not quick to attribute it just to that because there's a lot of outside circumstances that could contribute as well (heightened work stress, anxiety surrounding current situations, etc). I was wondering when/ if anyone else started encountering those emotions/ changes in said emotions that we're constantly told to be on the lookout for (eg anger, aggression, frustration).

[Bea1968]

Don't know so much about T but just days into E I was feeling and acting different. 

Best regards,

Bea

[VivianB]

That is the thing with Testosterone it can make people aggressive. You may soon have an increased libido and a lot of sexual thoughts. Just be careful when taking, men who have a lot of T get really aggressive, then again even teenage boys get some of those effects you are feeling. This is why transitioning is known as the 2nd puberty.

[Dena]

With T in your system, you need to walk away and not escalate a situation that's going down hill. If nothing else, you need to avoid saying anything that you could latter regret. Most teenage boys figure this out pretty quick and those who don't are the ones always getting in fights. Over time you will learn how to control these emotions and only allow them out when needed. You may ask how this could be beneficial. An example might be a life or death situation where you need emotional strength to control the outcome.

[Ryuichi13]

Honestly, I didn't have any of the "aggression" that so many people talk about.  I did notice that I have less tolerance towards bull$h1t than before. 

Where before I might have just walked away from a discussion I didn't agree with, *coughTheUS'sCurrentAdministration'sTreatmentOfTransgenderPeoplecough* I now have much more of a tendency to try and get my point across. 

More than anything, I'm a lot more mellow and less angry now that I'm finally on the correct hormone! 

Ryuichi

[Dex]

I would second that I never experienced "aggression" with starting testosterone. I noticed emotional and mental changes just about right away (though, no doubt, some of that was simply euphoria from actually starting the medical part of my journey).

While I never experienced aggression at all, there were plenty of times I felt more easily frustrated than I had before because my emotional landscape felt different than before and I had to relearn how emotion came to me and how I could purge the well, so to speak. I lost the ability to cry easily pretty quickly. This was a huge relief to me because, even when I didn't present male, I cried all the time for any strong emotion. Unfortunately, that also left me bottled up with no physical way to relieve strong emotion. For me, both before and since starting T, strong emotion always comes with a need for physical release. I found ways to relieve that in working out or running and found as long as I did something physical routinely, the peaks were not as sharp emotionally.

I tend to be an introspective person and have always enjoyed analyzing myself (for good and bad). So I spent a lot of time in the first 4 months or so trying to figure out what exactly I was feeling (sadness, frustration, embarrassment, anger, etc) and what the trigger was for that feeling. That helped me build a new map of my emotional landscape. That certainly helped my frustration with not really understanding the new way emotions came to me.

I know there are plenty of people that say testosterone "causes" aggression and it certainly may make it easier for people already prone to anger or aggression to express that outwardly. But, for me, I never experienced aggression or increased anger/rage/etc. I'm genetically laid back, though. My parents are not quick to rage and that wasn't the way I was brought up, so that might just be me at my core anyhow. I do know I am happier and more confident. I'm about a week and a half shy of 5.5 years on testosterone and it just continues to get better to be able to live as my authentic self.

[Kylo]

Testosterone makes me much calmer and practically stress-free.

Before taking it I would be much more likely to get angry, escalate an argument our of anger, or read ill intent into something somebody might say. Which is the opposite of what you might expect if testosterone is fabled to increase competitiveness. While I think it does, it does so in an easy and friendly way, instead of a way that takes things personally. When you go through life with the thought people may think you are stupid or incapable perhaps because they see a female in you, it might encourage a habit in the average FTM to want to prove themselves, and to behave in a compensatory way in that regard. I found myself doing it in the past without thinking about it, but this I no longer do. I feel no need to impress anybody particularly, any more.

However, testosterone makes me less self-conscious and more confident, and in that respect it makes me far less tolerant of people messing around or trying to intimidate. This may incorrectly be read as being more aggressive than before but it isn't. It will only happen if someone else has catalyzed it, by behaving way out of line. 

Frustration has dropped because my concern about "little things" has also dropped. Being able to compartmentalize problems better means less stress. Less stress means less frustration and anger. The barrier T puts between your reaction to something and the stimulus of something is what enables me to judge situations without becoming anywhere near as emotionally involved. Which is good. It allows for a more rational approach to frustrating or stressful situations. I was always fairly controlled this way most of the time but the T has made it absolutely controllable.

I would say I am very much less emotional in response than before. I can still internally appreciate all of my range of emotions if I choose, but I have not shed a tear or felt overwhelmed by life since well before starting T years ago.

The risk of being aggressive toward others is higher, because I am much less likely to sit around and take gyp from someone any more. That said I think the overall risk of getting into an altercation is actually lower because I am a confident person who doesn't feel they have to prove much to anybody, and I am 200% mellower in general on T. And I tend not to mix with problem people anyway. I'm a firm believer that the sort of people you allow your time to or into your "inner circle" will dictate the quality of the life you have. If they are lousy people, you'll spend your time mixed up in their problems and drama. "The closest 5 people to you - what they are like is what your life will be like" someone once said to me. I think it's true. So if you find yourself in fights and arguments all the time, you might want to assess whether these people are the right kind of people to be hanging out with.

[F_P_M]

I'm not on T yet but I have my blood results here. My t level is 0.8 nmol/l which is lower end of female average and i'm SUPER wanting to stomp heads into curbs.

Personally, I think estrogen makes me stabby.

Anxiety and stress are, I hate to say it, far more likely culprits.