Finding out who your real friends are.

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. I'm actually interested if anybody else has found this too? Do you find that some people that weren't nice to you before are now just because you transitioned?

I think I've seen this happen. I try to be open however to whoever wants to be in my life. Maybe they really have changed and genuinely want to be supportive?

It's an interesting thing. I also think you have to be careful because in some cases people aren't always trustworthy.

Does anyone have any experiences to share?

[ChrissyRyan]

Not really.  But this seems to be a good reception change for you.  That is a plus, it seems.

Chrissy

[Dances With Trees]

All the people who have been nice to me since affirming my gender variance are here. On Susan's Place. Most people from my past no longer talk to me. Except for a couple of sisters and my daughter. Fortunately, you can pick your friends. Family? Not so much.

[Sephirah]

I think I've seen this happen. I try to be open however to whoever wants to be in my life. Maybe they really have changed and genuinely want to be supportive?

It's also possible that you have changed and are more open to the outside world. Whether you transition or not, self-acceptance is like getting the key to a prison you never really knew you were locked inside.

We all read body language and subtle cues given off by the people around us. When you're keeping yourself hidden away, you're sending off signals that you don't want people to look for you. Often because you don't want to look for you. So often they don't.

As Annika alluded to, though, sometimes it isn't retroactive. Sometimes people who knew you before have their own issues, based on how they feel about trans people. And some of those never go away. Nothing to do with who you are, and what kind of friend you are. It depends on the individual and in those cases, all you can really do is just accept it and move on.

My rule of thumb is to be kind and friendly to everyone until they give you a reason not to be. And then be their worst nightmare And then smile and move on in your life.

[Camille58S]

Yeah. It's kind of odd, but I'm finding out that you really don't know who you're real friends are until they have had some time to think about it for a little while. I guess it makes sense. It is a lot to get your head around! I'm learning to spot who's onboard by how they refer to me. I have had several friends who were referring to me as Camille for  month or more even, suddenly start referring to me as my past name. I try to keep an open mind about it. When confronted about it, I tell them that I am sorry that they feel that way. And that I still love them, but that train, my transition, is off and running. There will always be a seat available for them, but I'm not stopping and waiting for them.

[Liz K]

You really do find out who your real friends are when you come out.

I've been fortunate.  Nobody I know was totally unaccepting when I came out.  A few co-workers kept their distance but still talked to me when they needed to.  A few friends too seem more distant.  But the overwhelming majority of them were happy for me.  There were even a few surprises.  Folks I thought would ghost me said (paraphrasing) "you do you, we're good".

Even with all the craziness in today's world, things are still better than 20+ years ago.

[MaryXYX]

My church and family had already thrown me out before I really made the decision.  OK, perhaps I had made it but didn't admit it.  One interesting reaction was from the Church Secretary in a small church I sometimes visit.  She just said "I didn't really find you convincing as a man".